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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP on stag do...

144 replies

Heymummee · 14/07/2019 07:57

Interested to hear other people’s views on this.
DP of 12 years went abroad for his best friend’s stag do. He left on Thursday, I haven’t heard from him since he said he was at on the plane waiting to leave.
We have 2 children at home. One of them is missing his dad, has tried to call him, but no answer and no call back. The other one is too little to really understand, but he has been asking for dada and looking for him. He will be back tonight, around 6pm.

I genuinely don’t know if I am in the wrong to expect to hear from him at some stage during his trip or if I am expecting too much and should just let it slide?

I have found out through someone else that he is indeed still alive. Aside from that, nothing.

OP posts:

Val5555 · 14/07/2019 08:22

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect some contact during a trip like this.

Sandybval · 14/07/2019 08:24

I would have expected him to contact you to ask how the children are and also to let you know how he is. Speaking to the children maybe a bit less so, given that some men are a state throughout the whole of a stag! But he could have sent a photo with some text to them.

BlueSuffragette · 14/07/2019 08:25

It's not much to expect a call during a weekend away to let you know that he's ok. Probably drunk most of the time but even so, a call or a text is not too much to ask.

Karigan195 · 14/07/2019 08:27

I would definitely have expected at least one call. Surely he’s not pissed 24/7 and could manage calling at breakfast for instance.

GrumpyCee · 14/07/2019 08:27

YANBU. This would really annoy me. Can you imagine any circumstances where he would be ok with being left with the children and having no contact with you for three days?

Original poster

Heymummee · 14/07/2019 08:28

Thanks everyone. My thoughts exactly. I’m not expecting updates with his every move, but at least one update and check in on the kids would have been nice.
No doubt he will be home with his tail between his legs tonight. Just wanted to see what the general consensus was before I say anything to him.

OP posts:

CalmdownJanet · 14/07/2019 08:30

Yanbu. I think that level of contact, or lack of, is weird! I say that as someone who doesn't contact or expect contact on nights out/at work/frequently for any reason, so not someone in constant contact, but Thursday to Sunday to not drop any kind of text, a goodnight x/how are the kids/Mike is pissed and it's only lunch time/ photo of a pint or anything, I find that very odd

F2Feee · 14/07/2019 08:31

I guess it's out of sight out of mind when it comes to his family. I would be very upset and rethinking the relationship If it were me. He didnt even care to at least check on his kids? Shows you where his priorities are.

MerryDeath · 14/07/2019 08:31

i'd be furious, particularly with kids. odd behaviour quite frankly.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/07/2019 08:32

Another YANBU here.

Yesmaybedefinitely · 14/07/2019 08:33

YANBU. He should have been in touch but I wouldn't make it into a big deal as he was only away for a short time. I think if you start having a go he'll probably get defensive, but if you drop into conversation that your DC was a bit upset that he didn't get in touch it will have more impact. My DH recently went for a weekend away with old friends. He phoned on the way there and way back but it was my dd that called him whilst there.

TheCatDidSay · 14/07/2019 08:35

Tbh I’d of likely already mentally contemplated packing his bags. The last you heard from your dh was that he got on a plane and since you’ve heard nothing at all and have children. That’s just dam well disrespectful. I don’t understand the whole stag/hen taking up whole weekends and involving flying to another country. That’s just a holiday pretending to be young free and single.

Tefiti2 · 14/07/2019 08:35

YANBU at all! Have you heard from anyone in the party to make sure they are all okay?

Saltandsauce · 14/07/2019 08:36

I remember when my husband went on a stag do for 3 days abroad, and didn’t phone, reply to texts or anything for just one of those days. I went off my nut, I was at home with 2 poorly kids (chest infections, nothing too serious, but hadn’t slept in days). I couldn’t believe how selfish he was! It’s literally the only day we haven’t spoken since we got together, and 5 years on I haven’t let him forget what an asshole he was lol.
YANBU!!!! Make him grovel, hope he brought you all back presents.

Paddybare · 14/07/2019 08:36

Have you messaged him and explicitly asked him why he’s not returned the calls? Sorry OP, this all smacks of massive disrespect and personally I’d be fuming. Is this sort of behaviour unusual for him?

Ledkr · 14/07/2019 08:37

Don't say too much about it and then do exactly the same in a few weeks or months and just see how he reacts.

koolaider · 14/07/2019 08:39

This would infuriate me. Not sure I could get past this unless there was an exceptional reason for it (I can't think of one though!)

MinnieMountain · 14/07/2019 08:43

We have a 5yo. When one of us is away socially we send an "all fine" text each day.
I don't think you necessarily have to speak.

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/07/2019 08:47

YANBU. I think what makes him unreasonable is the fact that you've tried to contact him and he hasn't responded.

I go away with friends a few times a year, and other than an "I''ve arrived safely" text, it wouldn't really occur to me to contact him over the weekend. But you didn't even get that. And if DP called me when I was away I would assume that it's urgent and I'd be an arsehole to not get back to him in some way.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/07/2019 08:53

It's very unfair of him not to do the minimum courtesy texts of Arrived Safely and on the plane home and to not be available or not realise that your DC might want to speak to him. What if you had an emergency? I'd want an explaination and a commitment not to be such a selfish pratt next time.

Jayaywhynot · 14/07/2019 08:58

No, it's not on, I even contact my mum when I'm away, I'm in my 50s! Doesn't take much to check in plus you have DC

user1487194234 · 14/07/2019 08:59

My DH goes away twice a year with his mates
I always say to him not to feel he has to constantly phoned/text but he normally does phone or txt once a day
TBH I usually am out and about keeping the DC busy and it really wouldn't bother me

Tooner · 14/07/2019 09:00

He is totally selfish. I would be raging!!

bellabasset · 14/07/2019 09:09

I have been on holiday and not contacted my dh, but that was before the days of mobile phones and no access to phones. But when staying in hotels have kept in touch. (My dh was cricket mad so was either playing or watching and no doubt he'd have tried to get to Lord's today!)

I can understand your dh enjoying time away from work but texting or phoning to say goodnight to the dcs is something I would expect him to do.

Ploppymoodypants · 14/07/2019 09:13

Yep I would expect a call each day and a few random pics or texts throughout the weekend. Nothing heavy but just probably silly pics or taking the Mickey out of something etc. Plus touching base with the kids

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