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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP on stag do...

144 replies

Heymummee · 14/07/2019 07:57

Interested to hear other people’s views on this.
DP of 12 years went abroad for his best friend’s stag do. He left on Thursday, I haven’t heard from him since he said he was at on the plane waiting to leave.
We have 2 children at home. One of them is missing his dad, has tried to call him, but no answer and no call back. The other one is too little to really understand, but he has been asking for dada and looking for him. He will be back tonight, around 6pm.

I genuinely don’t know if I am in the wrong to expect to hear from him at some stage during his trip or if I am expecting too much and should just let it slide?

I have found out through someone else that he is indeed still alive. Aside from that, nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heymummee · 14/07/2019 12:00

I asked him to leave flight and hotel details with me, but he didn’t.
Speaking to the partners and wives of the other people on the trip it sounds like all bar one have done a vanishing act and not contacted home at all!

OP posts:
starzig · 14/07/2019 12:06

I wouldn't expect someone to have a phone on them on holiday.

MaMaMaMySharona · 14/07/2019 12:21

My DP was on his own stag do this weekend and I didn’t hear from him at all until this morning when he very sheepishly asked if I’d had a nice day yesterday. I pretended not to be annoyed as I don’t think he should have been texting me whilst with all his pals, but letting me know he got home safe would have been nice. My best friend’s DP died in an accident on his stag so I am understandably sensitive about these things!

In your situation I wouldn’t have been able to keep my cool!

Ronnie27 · 14/07/2019 12:39

That’s ridiculous. On a stag or not he’s still a husband and parent and can take ten mins out of his day to give you a ring and say hi / check everyone is ok / let you know he’s arrived. I wouldn’t expect constant phone calls, text messages but a quick call every day is only polite when you’re enabling this weekend of fun by holding the fort at home!

TwistyTop · 14/07/2019 13:36

Yanbu at all. Doesn't he miss you and the kids a bit? I don't understand why men get such an easy ride for this. I wouldn't necessarily expect him to call and chat with the DCs at bedtime if he was really pissed all weekend, but at the very least you would think he'd send you a good night text message, or maybe one saying he misses you all, or perhaps a quick pic of something fun that they've been up to.

I'll probably get called controlling and weird now, but thanks to smart phones and social media it takes a matter of seconds to do these things, and you'd think that even when he's off on a jolly with his mates that at some point over that weekend he would think of you and his children.

MissRhubarb · 14/07/2019 14:53

I think it's well shitty behaviour. After 3 days I know I'd start to worry in case something had happened. Then I'd talk myself round and be thinking that if something terrible - like an accident - has happened and he's in hospital, someone would contact me.... But I'd be worrying and you shouldn't have to be thinking like that. He should just have sent a f*ing text checking in saying, "all going well" or some such. It takes seconds. Arse.

siring1 · 14/07/2019 15:32

Some of you lot would literally died in had had to live in the 1970s!

happyhillock · 14/07/2019 15:42

@string 1 well said, my EXH went abroad for a week on a work course we had no landline so he couldn't get in touch, i just got on with every day life. just told my young DD at the time daddy was working

YouJustDoYou · 14/07/2019 15:46

They sound like a bunch of immature little boys. It's one thing to not bother with your spouse/gf, but quite another to NOT EVEN GIVE A SHIT about your child/children.

Original poster
Heymummee · 14/07/2019 15:46

I do understand time flies and he will have been busy having a good time, and I also understand that once upon a time not so long ago people wouldn’t have had phones to be able to contact home whenever needed, but those aren’t the times we are living in now and I wouldn’t dream of leaving him and the kids for days without so much as a “how are you all?” It’s strange to go from having him there every evening to talk to, to radio silence for 4 days, abroad, on a trip that I knew was going to be absolute carnage.
He’s home now anyway. I’m out for another few hours. I have the hen do to look forward to in August. No way would I go and not check in every day to see how they all are.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 14/07/2019 15:48

Some of you lot would literally died in had had to live in the 1970s

It's not the 70s though, is it now.

siring1 · 14/07/2019 16:09

No. It's not the 1970s
People today are more precious by far.

Kittypillar · 14/07/2019 16:26

People today are more precious by far.

Such an odd argument. I'm sure you didn't use any then-new technology to make your life easier and keep in touch with people in the 70s then did you? No use of a telephone? Far too precious! Send a letter by raven instead! 🙄

huggybear · 14/07/2019 16:48

Were people flying off on stag dos on the regular in the 70s? Or were they down the local pub?

TheDarkPassenger · 14/07/2019 16:52

I guess I’m in the minority in that I would t mind and I would probably forget too, sometimes it’s good to get away and just not have to think about that stuff. I trust my oh with our kids and he trusts me, a bit of respite for one or the other is fine imo.

MRex · 14/07/2019 17:04

I think DS would struggle without a phonecall from his dad. We always end up text chatting about one thing or another if we're apart for a full day. YANBU

IntegratedTheory · 14/07/2019 17:04

YANBU
He’s a partner and parent, I would have expected him to have checked in with you and DC over the weekend. Talk about ‘out of sight, out of mind’.
Totally selfish.

Zaeem5 · 14/07/2019 17:12

I wouldn’t mind if it was an outward/ bound type stag, but if he’s been somewhere like Riga or other Eastern European destination and his not calling is out of character, I wouid strongly suspect he’s spent the three days with strippers / hookers and / or passed out in between. Sorry.

drinkygin · 14/07/2019 17:13

I voted that you’re not being unreasonable-it depends on the couple and your own relationship. Personally it wouldn’t bother me not getting a text (even a ‘landed safely’ text...if the plane crashed im sure I’d hear about it!!). I like it when we have a bit of space and not texting and calling gives us a chance to miss each other.
However if you would usually text each other or agreed before he left that he’d check in daily he’s being a bit unreasonable. It only takes a minute to send a text.

Teaandcrisps · 14/07/2019 17:18

And also doesn't he want to know that you and the kids are ok? I cant relax without checking in regularly if I'm away. Yanbu. At all.

What are you going to say when?

Teaandcrisps · 14/07/2019 17:19

Sorry meant to finish the sentence...

What are you going to say when he finally waltzes in expecting a hot dinner, cup of tea and the comfy sofa?

Whatsername7 · 14/07/2019 17:20

My dh would have been updating me with picture messages and texts. He would arrange a time to ring the kids. Not put of any sense of duty or at the request of me, but because that is just what you do - to go completely nc is odd.

Havingarethink · 14/07/2019 17:24

I would disappear to stay with friends and family for a couple of days and leave no note and turn off my phone Grin.
God that sounds really petty Blush.

MrsMozartMkII · 14/07/2019 17:28

It's hardly onerous to send a daily text.

DH and I do because we want to and because it's courteous to let the other know we're still breathing.

I know in days gone by there wasn't mobiles etc., but we're not in days gone by.

McShakey · 14/07/2019 17:31

Me and DH talk all the time, but even if we didn’t I’d expect at least a text to say he’s landed and I would expect a call to his children

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