To be so upset about our living situation?

[CathyandHeathcliff]

I’m feeling so down at the moment.
We bought our house last year while I was pregnant, we panicked because we needed to find somewhere and felt pressured due to the circumstances, it’s a Victorian terrace , an old mill worker’s cottage to be precise. The houses around this area of Yorkshire don’t really tend to have gardens and if they do the price is massively increased due to this feature.
Anyway, we didn’t have the means to spend above and beyond our budget, so after looking at lots of houses, we settled on this one because it overlooks a hillside both the front and back, deer and sheep are often grazing in front and behind our house and we are surrounded by lots of greenery, a nature reserve, a stream that runs opposite which has a lovely calming sound. There’s also a small field/park across the road which has swings (not baby ones unfortunately), other apparatus like a climbing frame, a seesaw etc. There’s also the stream which you can walk to and kids throw sticks in.

Anyway, all the aside, I feel like we’ve made a mistake and I can’t stop feeling down about it.
My little boy is only 9 months, but I know he’s going to need a garden to play in as he gets older and we don’t have one.
I grew up in the South East and gardens were just the norm, in particular large/long gardens. I was very fortunate I suppose to have grown up with a large garden which had space for a slide, basketball hoop, paddling pool, rabbit hutch and run etc. Most of my childhood was spent in the garden. Some of my earliest memories are sitting out there in the sun playing.
I feel so sad that my DS is going to miss out on this.
The house itself isn’t huge either, it has a large living area, a small kitchen with no room for a table and chairs, a large bathroom (one of the selling points), our master bedroom is quite spacious and there are two attic rooms , one of which will be our DS’s bedroom (he’s still in with us at the moment).
I feel like there’s nothing positive about this house, except maybe the area/views.

There’s no way we can afford to buy a house and remortgage any time soon. I’m still on mat leave and only going back part time.

Can anyone help me get out of this horrible cycle of guilt and failure/letting my son down that I feel?

Return full time and sell and buy somewhere else if you are that unhappy. You can’t have your cake and eat it unfortunately most times in life.

Your little one may not share your love of the outdoors, I hated playing outside so no garden wouldn’t have bothered me as a child.

Give yourself a slap.....

You own your home. End of.

Oh and that home is in Yorkshire so slap yourself again....

Shakes head and wanders off muttering some people don't know they are born!

@icecreamandcandyfloss I would do, but there’s no way we could afford full time nursery fees unfortunately.

Sounds like a fantastic place for lots of adventures when he's older, I could understand your feelings if you were stuck in a high rise flat but your area sounds amazing!

I'm living in temporary accommodation right now due to being made homeless from my private rented house, I've moved 6 times in my sons 7 years of life due to bad luck with renting, I would love to give both of my dc a stable home but i can't and I feel guilt for that every single day so I think your absolutely fine

If you lived in a built up area I would think you were right to worry but it sounds as though you've got so much on your doorstep!

I really wouldn't worry, your son is so tiny and by the time he's big enough to need/notice a garden you may be able to move OR you may just find that having a nature reserve, playpark, stream etc on your doorstep is ample! It's more than many children have - anyone who lives in a non-ground floor flat for starters!

Well I grew up in a large stone built terrace with only a backyard. I don’t feel I missed out.

No garden but hillside, greenery and a nature reserve! FFS. I honestly think some people look for reasons to feel sorry for themselves.

He won't notice if you don't tell him. His whole life can be an adventure if he has the right mind set!

Not having a garden is not letting your son down. Get a grip.

Ehm yeah, what @Mummyoftwo91@mummyof said

I'm lucky to never have been homeless, but to those who have, the stable roof over your son's head must sound like a dream.
Yes, everyone has different challenges in life but I bet you're glad of your circumstances when you look around and see that what you have is yours.

Be grateful it's not a cardboard box on the ground with a sign asking for spare change that you have

Is this some sort of humble brag?

It sounds like a lovely property. Think how happy ds will be when he spots the first lamb and when it snows. You can make happy memories, just not in a garden. Picnics in the park? Hikes on the moor? Now that's a garden!

You have your own home in what sounds a lovely area. I don't see what your problem is.

I imagine those bringing up families in insecure private rentals will consider you privileged.

Jesus, do you realise how spoilt you sound? A Victorian cottage, surrounded by stunning countryside and a nature reserve where you can watch sheep and deer grazing from your window and a park across the road? Are you seriously expecting people to feel sorry for you? I’m playing you a tune on the worlds tiniest violin.

It sounds lovely, and realistically, unless you're in certain pockets of North Yorkshire, you couldn't have afforded a lovely house in lovely surroundings with a nice garden, in the SE.

Sounds lovely.

Go back and read the description of where you live. This is not something to be depressed about.

Wow the vipers are out tonight.

Comparison is the thief of joy OP and vipers.

Enjoy what you have. If you personally don't like it and don't enjoy it, then change it. Don't compare to others. Change what you can within your control.

I bought my kids up in a flat. No outside space apart from a tiny balcony. You don't need a garden. We just went to the park lots often with a picnic for the whole day. A garden would've been nice but not be all. You can move when your child is older if you think you really need one

I don’t mean to sound like a brag, that’s not what I was aiming for.
Maybe it’s just because this isn’t what I was used to growing up. I’ve only been living in this part of the country for 5 years, so it’s all new to me.
I know I’m lucky to live in such a lovely area, I just wish we had somewhere to hang our washing out/just open the back door, have lunch or dinner outside on nice days.

I feel awful for those who have commented in awful living situations. I know I should be grateful for what I have.
I also have anxiety and depression, so I often compare my life to others/feel guilty for no real reason.

I didn't mean for mine to come across mean so sorry if it did, I thought it might help give you some perspective, your home sounds lovely.

OP, there are kids out there who will spend a lot of their summer holidays sitting in a flat in a tower block. There are kids out there whose parents won't be feeding them properly. Stop worrying about something you can't immediately do something about. Plan for the future but at the moment make the best of what you have.
Have you had any help with your A and D? This could be a symptom of PND. Have you had a chat with anyone else about how you are feeling?

OP, I'm guessing that yours isn't the only mill worker's cottage in the village; it sounds an amazing place to grow up! Generations of children have grown up without a large garden.

(Have you posted about this before? I'm fairly certain I've seen a similar thread previously)

Blimey, I thought it was going to be something really awful like mould on the walls or unsafe appliances. Honestly OP, he's not missing out if you're surrounded by green spaces. It sounds bloody gorgeous, lots of space to play outside even if it's not your own private bit, and there's lots of ways you can grow things as well even if you don't have a garden. You've got a safe and secure roof over your heads. Please see it as a positive.