To be so upset about our living situation?

[CathyandHeathcliff]

I’m feeling so down at the moment.
We bought our house last year while I was pregnant, we panicked because we needed to find somewhere and felt pressured due to the circumstances, it’s a Victorian terrace , an old mill worker’s cottage to be precise. The houses around this area of Yorkshire don’t really tend to have gardens and if they do the price is massively increased due to this feature.
Anyway, we didn’t have the means to spend above and beyond our budget, so after looking at lots of houses, we settled on this one because it overlooks a hillside both the front and back, deer and sheep are often grazing in front and behind our house and we are surrounded by lots of greenery, a nature reserve, a stream that runs opposite which has a lovely calming sound. There’s also a small field/park across the road which has swings (not baby ones unfortunately), other apparatus like a climbing frame, a seesaw etc. There’s also the stream which you can walk to and kids throw sticks in.

Anyway, all the aside, I feel like we’ve made a mistake and I can’t stop feeling down about it.
My little boy is only 9 months, but I know he’s going to need a garden to play in as he gets older and we don’t have one.
I grew up in the South East and gardens were just the norm, in particular large/long gardens. I was very fortunate I suppose to have grown up with a large garden which had space for a slide, basketball hoop, paddling pool, rabbit hutch and run etc. Most of my childhood was spent in the garden. Some of my earliest memories are sitting out there in the sun playing.
I feel so sad that my DS is going to miss out on this.
The house itself isn’t huge either, it has a large living area, a small kitchen with no room for a table and chairs, a large bathroom (one of the selling points), our master bedroom is quite spacious and there are two attic rooms , one of which will be our DS’s bedroom (he’s still in with us at the moment).
I feel like there’s nothing positive about this house, except maybe the area/views.

There’s no way we can afford to buy a house and remortgage any time soon. I’m still on mat leave and only going back part time.

Can anyone help me get out of this horrible cycle of guilt and failure/letting my son down that I feel?

I totally understand how you feel. I’m stuck in a two up two door in a very posh northern town with a small yard. If I can’t move I will buy either some stablemats and cover the yard so it’s a safe play area. My yard is big enough for a sandpit and a few sit and rides and will just have to make the best of it.
You might be able to rearrange the rooms abit and some clever furniture might improve the layout

Many children grow up without a garden. It's lovely to have one and as you say, be able to open the back door, hang washing and let children play without having to go out.

Realistically though, when they are very little uou can't leave them unsupervised anyway, and when they are older and don't need to be watched they can play outside at the park or whatever with friends.

It sounds like you have beautiful surroundings, your child wont be short of outdoor adventures.

FWIW, Ive just left a house with a garden and my son barely bothered with it. We now have a communal drying green but no garden and we're none the worse for it.

@CathyandHeathcliff

Awww OP it’s incredibly common to suffer from ‘buyers regret’ after buying a house. It’s a huge investment both financially and emotionally. We moved into our current house 2 years ago after living in our previous house for 15 years. I can safely say I spent the first year regretting it even though it’s bigger and better in lots of ways. I even had anxiety dreams about it. I felt really quite low. In fact I posted on here and got lots of support from people who had experienced similar feelings.

I don’t think you are spoiled or entitled at all. I think you are reacting to a year where you have gone through 2 of the most stressful things you can ever go through.

Give it time. It needn’t be forever and in the meantime get out and explore your glorious surroundings.

Op post a picture of your yard over on the gardening section! They will give you some great ideas on how to give it a make over, Cher it up so you have an outdoor space!

That might make you feel better!

It’s fine to have no garden! Get an allotment.

While he is little there won't be mud in the house, and when he is older you have a huge play area for him which won't entail any gardening for you. What's not to like? I'm so over my garden. The kids don't play in it because it's too oddly shaped and small, we can't sit out there because we are too close to a noisy road and gardening is just so much repetitive boring work that no one notices you do, like much of life!!!!

If you have a yard you can put a clothes horse out or rig up a. Washing line. Once you’ve smartened it up a bit you can have a BBQ and some planters.

When DC were little we had a suburban garden. They preferred the local park because there were other children around.

Your house and where it is situated sounds really charming! I think your child will enjoy it and have many wonderful adventures there.

Think of it this way, in 5 years, you will likely be in a better financial position to move again / working more hours / child at school.

Your next home your child will get 8-10 years playing in the garden making memories.

Life is so short, don't worry about this. You have lots of opportunities to play and enjoy the outdoors. Having a space that is just yours is really not important.

Pack up picnics and wine and eat outside. Invest in a picnic table and chairs you can carry.

Maybe you grew up in a house with an enormous garden in the SE, but I doubt you would be able to buy your parent's house/former house that you grew up in.

OP, I grew up in a house that had 3 gardens! Small house but a lot of land. Me and my DSis hated playing in the garden. There was nothing in it but grass, it was boring and we used to get told off by our mum for doing anything we deemed more exciting. As soon as we were able we would take ourselves off around the local area (we lived in the countryside), our mum would pack us a picnic and we’d be out all day long. We both still remember very fondly our “adventures”. Your DC will love where you live, trust me.

Here is the yard, it’s not letting me upload it properly:

ibb.co/tbcMSbQ

As soon as he is old enough get him off to the Scouts then he will have all those hills as a garden.

Jesus fucking Christ! No you don't have a garden. BUT, you have a park across the road for him to play in! That's way better than any garden! You have a stream, hills, a reserve and wildlife. Sounds like something out of a storybook. Your son is very very lucky! Sounds like a dream. You don't realise how lucky you are. Start to focus on the positives and you'll realise this!

That yard could be a lovely courtyard style garden with very little work and it’s more than big enough for a couple of folding clothes airers.

You panic-bought an unsuitable home because you were pregnant. There's your first mistake.

You know just because you were expecting a house doesn't mean you have to rush to buy a house?

I live in a flat with DC. Don't miss not having a garden. We live opposite a big park and spend a lot of time there.

Get a grip. I grew up in inner city council flats for my entire childhood.

We have a huge garden, but honestly we spend most of our time at the local park (3 minute walk) or on nature walks along the nearby canal etc.

Our garden doesn’t hold the same appeal for the kids as being out and about, especially playing with other kids.

Enjoy your beautiful surroundings. The first thing I thought when reading your post was that you sound like you have PND (you aren’t seeing clearly the positives from the negatives).

A happy home doesn’t hang solely on the size of the property or plot. Hopefully your son will grow up loved and warm and enjoy an abundance of nature on his doorstep.

OP, I do get you.

I grew up in the countryside, our garden was an acre and a half and now I live in London with one similar size to the picture you put up.

The way you described it, it sounds really lovely. You could do something with the space you have and you've got a beautiful area around you to make the most of.

Other PP's are right. Lots of children grow up in tower blocks and without gardens. Yes, it's not what you grew up with but that doesn't mean your child won't have the fun and memories that you had.

That has the makings of really pretty little yard. The ivy is already nice. Could you give the stonework a jet wash and replace the tired pots in the corner with some new planters/greenery. You could repaint the gate with one of the garden colour type ranges to make it a bit prettier.

You can definitely dry some washing by fixing something to the wall, that’s a great start. And you could stand a clothes maiden outside too from time to time.

You are panicking, which is really common to do.

Foldable clothes dryers will fit in your yard. I much prefer them as if it randomly starts to rain it’s easier to pull them inside.

Get yourself a nice picnic blanket and start to see the park as an extension of your home.

When it was just me and my two girls we lived in a flat opposite a park. We had picnics regularly. The even had a small paddling pool and a little foldable chute (when they were too wee for the big park equipment) that I’d take over on a nice day. Yes it’s a bit more organising than just in the garden, and their paddling pool only ever had a small amount of water in it, but they still loved it.

Millions and millions of children grow up with far less than you are providing for your son. They often have full and happy lives.

In the nicest possible way - there is NOTHING wrong with your home and surroundings. The problem is in your head. You are allowing comparison to be the thief of joy. Anxiety is telling you that this isn't good enough when it is, in fact, an incredibly rich and varied area in which to raise a child.

I opened this thread expecting to hear about someone who is facing eviction. Instead it turns out that you own a home, have a healthy happy child, room for another child/ren, don't have to work full time, and there are loads of areas around you to explore. Stop listening to your anxiety, and start really enjoying the many, many joys that are in your life. Count your blessings - they are many.

Took a look at the garden. I’d clean up the walls, and then on the outside I’d drill in some old wood planters and grow herbs/tomatoes/lettuce in them. On top of the wall, I’d add some lighting and have more planters. I’d probably paint the inner door of the gate in blackboard paint, and drill in a lidded pot for chalk.

I’d ensure the paving is even within the garden itself, to reduce a trip hazard and make things look a little neater, removing all of the weeds/moss. On one side of the gate, you could have a neat little cafe table with two chairs, some pretty lanterns either side. Perhaps some scented plants in this area? On the other side, there is probably room for a kids slide, or you could make a water/sand table with lids and underside toy storage!

Pet wise, maybe a little dog would get you out exploring more of the surrounding environment. I personally think rabbits are little shits, because they bite me, so I might be biased! I hope this helps a little bit

I and my nana had a yard like that. She build small border gardens with old red bricks and compost and planted tiny plants and climbing roses. It was one of the most wonderful places on earth when I was little. At nearly 50 I can still see it in my mind.
You son is wee, everything will feel big to him for a long time. You can make that yard a magical place.