To be so upset about our living situation?

[CathyandHeathcliff]

I’m feeling so down at the moment.
We bought our house last year while I was pregnant, we panicked because we needed to find somewhere and felt pressured due to the circumstances, it’s a Victorian terrace , an old mill worker’s cottage to be precise. The houses around this area of Yorkshire don’t really tend to have gardens and if they do the price is massively increased due to this feature.
Anyway, we didn’t have the means to spend above and beyond our budget, so after looking at lots of houses, we settled on this one because it overlooks a hillside both the front and back, deer and sheep are often grazing in front and behind our house and we are surrounded by lots of greenery, a nature reserve, a stream that runs opposite which has a lovely calming sound. There’s also a small field/park across the road which has swings (not baby ones unfortunately), other apparatus like a climbing frame, a seesaw etc. There’s also the stream which you can walk to and kids throw sticks in.

Anyway, all the aside, I feel like we’ve made a mistake and I can’t stop feeling down about it.
My little boy is only 9 months, but I know he’s going to need a garden to play in as he gets older and we don’t have one.
I grew up in the South East and gardens were just the norm, in particular large/long gardens. I was very fortunate I suppose to have grown up with a large garden which had space for a slide, basketball hoop, paddling pool, rabbit hutch and run etc. Most of my childhood was spent in the garden. Some of my earliest memories are sitting out there in the sun playing.
I feel so sad that my DS is going to miss out on this.
The house itself isn’t huge either, it has a large living area, a small kitchen with no room for a table and chairs, a large bathroom (one of the selling points), our master bedroom is quite spacious and there are two attic rooms , one of which will be our DS’s bedroom (he’s still in with us at the moment).
I feel like there’s nothing positive about this house, except maybe the area/views.

There’s no way we can afford to buy a house and remortgage any time soon. I’m still on mat leave and only going back part time.

Can anyone help me get out of this horrible cycle of guilt and failure/letting my son down that I feel?

Facilities alone don't make a happy home OP, they really don't. It's the people living in it that make a happy home. I live in the house that I've built - it is big, 5000sqft with a huge garden. For reasons not relevant to this thread, they've been some of the saddest unhappiest years of my life. You have lots and lots of good things, don't take those things for granted.

From what you describe, the place sounds absolutely lovely.

And those wonderful memories you cad if the garden, for him could be chasing sheep/taking walks by the river/playing at the park which is right near your house.

While of course it would be lovely to have a garden for sake of ease, nature and the outdoors don't become any less beautiful just because they're not 'ours'.

Sounds like you are surrounded by natural beauty. Only difference is you will need to be taking a short walk/supervising ds. he's so little that he wouldn't be able to just go run about in the garden unsupervised for quite a few years, anyway.

Here's a blog post about small courtyard gardens, some lovely ideas the-frugality.com/how-to-style-small-spaces-courtyard-gardens/

We were in an apartment when our dc were little, 2 boys who needed a good run around every day. Consequently we were at the park every day, sometimes twice a day in summer, and I look back on those days as incredibly happy times. Dc made friends and so did I, rather than being isolated in our own garden. Dc are in their teens now, but still see the friends they made in the park and I regularly meet up with the mum's I first met in a freezing playground in winter 15 years ago!

By the time my younger dc came along we had moved and had our own garden but I honestly think that we had more fun and made more friends in our 'park years'.

Try not to worry OP you are doing a great job, your little boy is lucky to have a lovely family and to live in such a beautiful beautiful place.

Yards easy fix. Load weed killer. Put up retractable washing line for drying days. Get some large foam mats for DC to play on. Small folding table and chairs so you can eat outside - even a table that's hinged to the wall and brackets to hang chairs on the wall. If you want to brighten walls then paint some trellis and stick it up

It sounds lovely. Your children don’t need to have exactly the same upbringing you did.

I think once your baby is a little older and you’re back at work things will sort themselves out a little more for you. I actually found it to be a difficult time being on mat leave and worrying about all things parenting. I’m actually sure you’ll be fine.

I get it op. The house I live in isn't what I dreamed of as a child, but we live in an expensive area where SEN schooling is decent so we will not be moving.

I think objectively you know where you live is lovely and the opportunities are great. Your yard can be made into a space for your son to play and for you to do your washing. Is there something else? Are you a bit lonely? Do you have friends in the local area? You say you are from the SE. Is this your dh's local area?

I grew up in a large 3 bed house with garden we bought a flat it's a nice flat and does have a garden but we will never be able to buy the same sort of house. That's ok though and probably the situation for a lot of people. It sounds like you live in a lovley area and if your style of house is the norm then most of his friends/ peers will live in similar houses so will be the norm for your son. Make the best of your house and spend lots of time out in the countryside with your son.

I would focus on making the yard an outside room. So clear it all, weedkiller down. Retractable washing line or clothes horse (nothing permanent for when you want to use outside. I am sure you can fit in table (drop leaf to save space) and chairs (folding that you can hang on wall to save space?) and probably a small sandpit in child's area. If you can, can you get french doors (or sliding for space saving) to link inside and out? I'd be tempted to paint walls white to give a bit more feeling of space and outdoor 'room'. Use wall space/top of wall for hanging planters /pots. Could you attach trellis to the top of the wall for privacy and growing something smelly like a jasmime and some roses? And a few fairy lights? What are the dimensions (ish) of the yard.

I also think you could do something nice with the yard look at instagram/ pintrest for inspiration. Could you get some good away chairs so you can sit out when sunny ?

It's not the end of the world! Stay there a year or two and then move it's ok to admit you made a mistake!

Have you spoken to your HV or GP about PND? A feeling of letting your baby down and not being good enough or in good enough circumstances are quite a common part of this. It sounds like you have a beautiful, stable home for your child.

I think you have beaten yourself up quite enough now. Time to let these feelings go.
Saltaire is such a unique and special place - how lucky is your baby?! You can make your backyard a magical place for a child - a lovely place to think and dream, fill it with climbers - wisteria, clematis, honeysuckle. Add some fairy lights a small table - it will be lovely! Even a little stone trough pond for tadpoles in springtime with some lillies.
Your boy won't miss what he hasn't had. Go forth and enjoy your lovely family in your lovely home!
And incidentally I suffer(ed) so badly with anxiety but am now taking meds and my brain is so much more peaceful now - just a thought x

Where you live sounds idyllic. Yes it would be lovely to have a huge garden too but generally in life you cant have everything. Theres lots you can do with a tiny yard to make it lovely and theres definately enough room to get toys out there and allow your toddler to play when you are not at the park or in he countryside. For what its worth I live in a rented house with a big garden but am unable to have children. Genuinely in order to get on in life it's so important to develop graditute...comparison really is the thief of joy.

We had a tiny yard. We ripped the cement up and put down grass. My baby was able to crawl around. We used surrounding parks as he got bigger. Then we eventually moved to a house with a garden.

The thread is 7 years old. The DC in question is probably holed up on an XBox by now.