To be so upset about our living situation?

[CathyandHeathcliff]

I’m feeling so down at the moment.
We bought our house last year while I was pregnant, we panicked because we needed to find somewhere and felt pressured due to the circumstances, it’s a Victorian terrace , an old mill worker’s cottage to be precise. The houses around this area of Yorkshire don’t really tend to have gardens and if they do the price is massively increased due to this feature.
Anyway, we didn’t have the means to spend above and beyond our budget, so after looking at lots of houses, we settled on this one because it overlooks a hillside both the front and back, deer and sheep are often grazing in front and behind our house and we are surrounded by lots of greenery, a nature reserve, a stream that runs opposite which has a lovely calming sound. There’s also a small field/park across the road which has swings (not baby ones unfortunately), other apparatus like a climbing frame, a seesaw etc. There’s also the stream which you can walk to and kids throw sticks in.

Anyway, all the aside, I feel like we’ve made a mistake and I can’t stop feeling down about it.
My little boy is only 9 months, but I know he’s going to need a garden to play in as he gets older and we don’t have one.
I grew up in the South East and gardens were just the norm, in particular large/long gardens. I was very fortunate I suppose to have grown up with a large garden which had space for a slide, basketball hoop, paddling pool, rabbit hutch and run etc. Most of my childhood was spent in the garden. Some of my earliest memories are sitting out there in the sun playing.
I feel so sad that my DS is going to miss out on this.
The house itself isn’t huge either, it has a large living area, a small kitchen with no room for a table and chairs, a large bathroom (one of the selling points), our master bedroom is quite spacious and there are two attic rooms , one of which will be our DS’s bedroom (he’s still in with us at the moment).
I feel like there’s nothing positive about this house, except maybe the area/views.

There’s no way we can afford to buy a house and remortgage any time soon. I’m still on mat leave and only going back part time.

Can anyone help me get out of this horrible cycle of guilt and failure/letting my son down that I feel?

Lots of children don't have a garden. We lived in a second floor flat until I was about 13 and I have never felt that I missed out

We live in a 2 bedroom flat with four children. We’ve been here 10 years. We don’t even have a bedroom, let alone a garden! Eldest is 11, youngest is nearly 1. No it’s not ideal, but it is what it is. It’s what we can afford on our salaries. It’s in the middle of a built up Council estate. We do however have a playing field nearby. We spend time there when we can.
I just think myself lucky that we have a roof over our heads and we are together as a family.

I had not garden growing up, i played outdoors all day in the summer, other people’s gardens, verges, common ground,,,your little one will find places to play,,,worry not :-)

Remodelling might be the way to go. A space to dine as a family sounds like a huge priority for you, so changing the downstairs layout to achieve that will really improve how you think about your home. Is there space in the living room to make it a living/dining room? Try farmhouse style benches to minimise the room taken up - they can be tucked under the table when you’re not using it. Someone else mentioned you’re maybe worried about where to dry washing? Would it be possible to swap out a cupboard for a dryer unit in the kitchen? There are lots of ways to make efficient, neat use of cupboards to make up for the loss of one. Pinterest is a great way to productively use an afternoon for this one!

Ultimately, though, your post speaks to me about mental health. Having a child and a move at a similar time is a lot of upheaval. It sounds like you’re feeling very anxious, and unsettled, and perhaps missing home a bit too. Speak to someone, make connections. With your GP, but also with your community - it’ll give you an outlet, it’ll give you a network, and it’ll make you feel more comfortable in your new home. If it’s hard to do things for yourself, do it for your child - it’s his community too, and inroads will be valuable to him.

PS: We spend half our year in the Middle East. We don’t have a garden here, as it’s an apartment, and it’s too hot to be outside for most of the year. I’ve got one newborn and one 2.5yo and he’s thriving. We fly around a lot, it’s about as different from my upbringing as possible, but we make it work. You will find your way too, it’s okay for it to take a while to get to that. Hugs!

Do you have a yard or anything? Do you have an6 outside space even a drive? Could you take a picture and we could give you some ideas?

Your house and the surroundings sound absolutely lovely. Having a garden isn't everything, especially as there is a little park opposite. Make the most of what you have right now, it is yours after all; in a few years you'll be able to move but don't spend those years longing for what you can't have. What you do have is pretty good, well done for achieving that!

I think I would feel the same without a garden although when my dc’s were small we only had a tiny square of concrete as a garden and we managed by going to the park and for walks. I now have a large garden and me kids rarely go in it (though they are now teens), I use the garden to relax in and to grow veg, I would hate not to have it.

I think you need to accept that for now there’s not much you can do about it and make the most of all the other amazing things about where you live, getting an allotment plot as someone suggested would be good idea. Your ds will be fine for now enjoying the other things you have around you.

I grew up in a flat without a garden (it was a very big old tenement in Glasgow so there was a communal garden but we barely used it). It's not something that I ever remember being that bothered about - there was a big park down the road and I was always out on my bike when I was a bit older anyway.

We have a huge garden. DD never goes in it, she’s always at the park. As are her friends who never play in their gardens either.

houses can be incredibly cheap in Yorkshire you do know Yorkshire is huge? Houses can also be incredibly expensive in a lot of Yorkshire, with locals unable to buy there anymore and having to leave the area.
Anyway, OP I would hate not having anywhere to even hang washing or sit out on a bench, but as I’m sure you’re realising reading the replies, your dc really has a fantastic home.

You sound very lucky.

Fwiw, my now 21 year old always had a garden, but I can count on the fingers of one hand the times she actually played in it!

Some of my friends live in tower blocks with no communal gardens. You sound very lucky. I'm sure, that in ten years time you'll be able to move and afford a home with a garden.

justgiving.com/crowdfunding/broadwaterfarm

Have a read about the kids living in Broadwater Farm Estate in London. The article in the Times broke my heart - it will make you feel very lucky OP

I’ve got to tell you- I’m in a high rise. Two bedrooms for 6 people. I sleep on the sofa and haven’t slept in a bed for 4 years. It’s a struggle. Yours sounds idyllic but it’s all about perspective. I have the guilty feelings so I hear you but you have a job, a child, a husband and your own home. It sounds absolutely fantastic! I don’t mean to be mean. If you’re unhappy make a plan to move and work towards it.

Sorry, I’m just catching up

@mysteryfairy there is a yard, we live near to Saltaire so I will have a look, that sounds like a good plan.

@justasking111 we live extremely close to Hebden Bridge, in fact it’s 15 minutes drive from us. Very similar housing here.

I’ll try and post a pic of our yard, it’s tiny and needs a lot of work.

I spend over £1000 a month on a one bed flat without even a balcony, I’ll most likely never own a home.

Have not even got a yard area? I live in Yorkshire and terraces often have a small yard area you can put outdoor toys in? But it sounds like you are in a much nicer part of Yorkshire than i am.

For what it’s worth, I would choose your situation over having a garden in a less beautiful area. It sounds like a lovely place to be a child, and I’d be very surprised if he misses a garden at all.

It sounds lovely OP, just go out more. Your son will have lovely happy memories of the countryside and the stream. A garden is not the be all and end all of life.
At least you have your own home. make the most of it.

Go to the park everyday with s picnic and blankey. maybe it's stepping stone. You can always move in a few years. It sounds a healthy environment with lovely fresh air and local walks. Please don't worry.

My boys grew up in a terrace with a tiny back garden- could fit a small trampoline but not big enough to kick a ball around.
I always say, though, that you never meet other kids in your own back garden. Mine got to make friends with all the local kids by playing in the nearby park. It was a nuisance to have to go with them til they were about 9 but I met lots of local parents too..,

Countless generations of children have grown up in houses like yours and come to no harm. It sounds as if you made a really good choice, with hills and a nature reserve, farm animals, wildlife and a playground nearby. Yorkshire is incredibly beautiful and there are public parks to enjoy. There will be allotments nearby, too. Get your name on a waiting list. And let someone give you an RHS membership as a birthday present. I'm sorry you're feeling low about your home, though.

Ah you've posted location now - yes it is a nice area - look at Pinterest for how to sort the yard out. Kids like dens and stuff you can do that in a yard. Lots of kids will be in the same situation you are and be used to it.

A garden is mainly used in summer time and you have a massive garden on your doorstep, which can be used All year round. You can take picnics to the park, buy some play equipment to take with you there until your lo is old enough for the big stuff (even buy a little portable swing), take nets and fish, play poo sticks, splash in muddy puddles, watch nature, lambs being born, collect bugs, roll in the snow and all manner of wonderments.

Good God woman, are you in Sowerby Bridge or somewhere? People fight for those places! Oh, you'll come to love it. I'm in Otley on Monday and Tuesday. It's nice there, too.