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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To believe it is hypocritical to support and use porn as long as it's only made by other people's children?

185 replies

StephanieSJW · 13/07/2019 13:26

I am shocked and dismayed how much porn has become normalised in our society. I am even more saddened by how many "cool feminists" think it is just a bit of harmless fun.

Too many people (even cool mums on Mumsnet) seem to see porn as a convenience to be enjoyed at their will at the click of mouse or swipe of their screen. However they clutch their pearls in horror if you ask them Would you be happy if your daughter were to become a porn star?

OP posts:
codenameduchess · 14/07/2019 17:17

Exactly what I said. I would support my children in whatever they do. I may not be happy, I'd be deeply disappointed if they came to me and said they were going into big brother or love island for example, but as long as whatever they do is their choice and it makes them happy I will support them. Again, you've had evidence that not all porn is bad, which you've ignored in this pathetic vendetta.

Maybe if you had the occasional wank you'd be less of a dick?

pepperpot99 · 14/07/2019 17:25

Zaeem5 you nailed it. Great post.

YANBU, OP. I don't watch porn and if either of my dc expressed their intention to enter that industry I'd move heaven and earth to dissuade them. It's sordid, exploitative, objectifying and frankly perverted. Rape scenes? Dads and daughters? Really? How fucked up is that. Watching scenes like some of those described on this thread is actually vile. The normalisation of this stuff is deleterious to society, colossaly so. Anyone lying to themselves that it's 'just a film' or whatever is at best stupid, at worst a likely sex abuser.

Fraggling · 14/07/2019 17:25

Code love island /big brother is nothing like working as aprostitute.

I have pointed out that its v dangerous and would you really be 100% supportive and you said yes. I find that odd.

And yet again, with your last line there, you reveal yourself. We've got your number. Tell the woman who doesnt agree with you that she needs a good fucking and that might lighten her up... Yes that's a new one 😁

SmileEachDay · 14/07/2019 17:27

Yes there is a subset where the actors are not willing participants but that is not all porn, the reputable producers and distributors are not child molesting rapists. Women need to be empowered, shown that we are not objects but also that we can enjoy sex, be proud of our bodies and do whatever we want for our own purposes not just because men might like it

Again. Yet another post that dismisses the abuse and exploitation when women are prostituted, this time waving it off as “a subsection”

FFS

It’s not ok. It’s never ok. Read the 2 documents I posted earlier. Don’t fucking overlook the damage.

Original poster
StephanieSJW · 14/07/2019 17:38

@codenameduchess

Why are you getting so worked up? I am the millennial snowflake here. Chillax. And try to be nice. Pleeeeaaase!

Isn't your "Option 4" just Option 2 with specific restrictions?

  1. I support and use porn but do not see anything hypocritical in only expecting other people's children to provide this for my pleasure.

  2. I would be happy for my own children to go into the porn industry

  3. I think porn is deeply damaging to society and individuals

OP posts:
Marilynmansonsthermos · 14/07/2019 17:40

Yanbu op I agree with you. I would be devastated beyond words if my daughter was so sad as to get involved in adult entertainment. I'm just being honest..

Neoflex · 14/07/2019 17:41

I wouldn't want my kid working down a dangerous hole mining for cobalt but I still use a smartphone.
Wouldn't want her separating from me at birth, to be tied up to a milking machine with an access hole sewed into my stomach either, but here I am chomping away on cheese on toast.
Want her to grow up with healthy air to breathe but still planning a long haul flight for us all to Mauritius over Christmas.
Could go vegan, communicate by telepathy, holiday in a tent and stop doing a million other things but instead living life as a hypocrite.

Fraggling · 14/07/2019 17:44

I'm with 3

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with porm btw, in a non sexist society with no coercion exploitation poverty etc I wouldn't have a problem.

However that is not where we are, not even slightly. So it's a no from me.

I also don't mind written stuff, or pictures, tbh. It's where a real person has to actually do it that the problem arises. Because unless we know them personally, we have zero idea of what the situation is. And even if we know them, not even then tbh. How many people are 100% honest about their lives. Its not worth the risk imo.

Pro porn people always get angry when women say this is all shit. I don't know why. We have no power to take your porn away, you can watch anything you like right now at the press of a button. Even disagreeing makes them angry though. Not only can we do nothing, we also have to agree its harmless fun? Why?

Fraggling · 14/07/2019 17:46

Fair enough neo like the op says, at least you're honest.

JAPAB · 14/07/2019 17:56

Problem with those three options are that it is all or nothing.

You can think that some porn is damaging and not watch it. Watch some kinds of porn but not others. Not want your children making porn in some ways but less concerned about other ways.

It is like insisting that you either listen to music or you don't, watch movies or you don't. And if you do, then you watch violent gory movies, and listen to misogynistic gangster rap.

SmileEachDay · 14/07/2019 18:04

It is like insisting that you either listen to music or you don't, watch movies or you don't. And if you do, then you watch violent gory movies, and listen to misogynistic gangster rap

Totally false equivalence, JAPAB. But you know that.

Original poster
StephanieSJW · 14/07/2019 18:10

@Neoflex
I wouldn't want my kid working down a dangerous hole mining for cobalt but I still use a smartphone

Thank you Neo. I respect your honesty about being in Category 1 - There are lots of things I use but I wouldn't want my own children involved in producing it - cobalt mining etc.

1) Could you please elaborate on the reasonswhyyou would not want your own child to go into the porn dustry?

2) Why would yourreasons(in answer to q1 above) not apply toany fellow human being? Or are your children more worthy of protection than other peoples?

3) What would you watch if every parent was like
as good asyou? If everyone followed your example - who would act in the porn for you?

OP posts:
Original poster
StephanieSJW · 14/07/2019 18:17

@JAPAB
Problem with those three options are that it is all or nothing

Please modify, improve or add to my three options to make them more relevant.

1) I support and use porn but do not see anything hypocritical in only expecting other people's children to provide this for my pleasure.

2) I would be happy for my own children to go into the porn industry

3) I think porn is deeply damaging to society and individuals

OP posts:
Neoflex · 14/07/2019 18:19

I don't actually watch porn if I am going to be so honest on a forum but I don't want to judge others for doing so because as mentioned I am a hypocrite in so many other areas of life. Maybe to someone else having the freedom to watch a bit of a kinky romp is as important to them as my cheese on toast.
Actually I think cheese should be banned because the way we treat cows is so disgusting and much worse imo than paying someone for sex. But it is there so I eat it. Maybe some people feel that way about porn too.
I want my daughter to have a career she truly loves. A job she looks forward to every morning. To not be counting down the minutes until she gets to go home. If she gets all of that from a career in porn then I guess she could go for it (but I doubt that will be the case)
What was the 3rd question again?

SmileEachDay · 14/07/2019 18:21

This reply has been deleted

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SmileEachDay · 14/07/2019 18:22

Sorry for the pictures, but actually I don’t think talking about porn in the abstract is helpful.

Original poster
StephanieSJW · 14/07/2019 18:25

@Neoflex
The questions only really apply to parents who use and support porn but would definitely NOT want their own children to ever go into the industry

1) Could you please elaborate on the reasons why you would not want your own child to go into the porn dustry?

2) Why would yourreasons(in answer to q1 above) not apply to any fellow human being? Or are your children more worthy of protection than other peoples?

3) What would you watch if every parent was like
as good asyou? If everyone followed your example
who would act in the porn for you?

OP posts:
Original poster
StephanieSJW · 14/07/2019 18:28

Ironically @SmileEachDay it will be the pro-porn lobby on this thread that will report you for posting the reality of the porn industry

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 14/07/2019 18:30

I know, Steph.

I’ve reported it myself because MN may “have” to take it down.

I want someone to explain to me how that does not damage women, individually or as a class. How?

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 14/07/2019 18:33

will be the pro-porn lobby on this thread that will report you for posting the reality of the porn industry

Nope

Ive reported it

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 14/07/2019 18:33

JAPAB if you use mainstream porn then you will 100% have got your rocks off to someone being damaged. It's simply too prevalent.

If truly ethical, less male-gazey porn was the norm then I doubt the OP would have felt the need to start this thread. But it isn't, far from it.

Being anti-porn does not mean being anti-women-having-active-and-fulfilling-sex-lives, or being anti-BDSM-in-consensual-relationships, or even just downright anti-sex as some people would insist. I love sex, I love erotic fiction. I just don't like watching people being damaged (or being unable to be certain that that wasn't the case) so that I can have an orgasm off the back of it.

SmileEachDay · 14/07/2019 18:39

And it’s completely fair that you have Rufus.

It was possibly an error of judgement, but I’m so, so angry with the complete dismissal of harm. I think there is a sanitised “version” in some people’s heads.

As I said, I reported it myself.

Zaeem5 · 14/07/2019 18:45

Supposing a woman has experienced incest as a child, involving perhaps forced bjs. There will be many, many women who have experienced this. Do the aplologists for the porn industry think it’s ok to have videos entitled, “young teen slut trained by dad to deepthroat and take facial before humiliating anal rape.”

Who thinks this is ok to normalise this stuff?

Who thinks it’s ok to present such triggering scenes as “entertainment?”

Please explain.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 14/07/2019 18:47

No smile I understand exactly why you posted it Flowers dont blame you at all

I watched a programme on porn a while ago...you didnt see anything it was more talking to the actors and, in the case of the partial episode i watched, the doctor who was having to sew the women back up afterwards

Just horrific

timeforakinderworld · 14/07/2019 19:31

Zaeem - exactly. If someone said they liked to watch - I don't know - black (or whatever racial group) people being humiliated as entertainment, then this would be rightfully condemned. The awful thing about porn is that women are so often complicit in its acceptance. Why should it be acceptable for porn which humiliates and brutalizes to be made and watched? Even on this thread some people seem to be equating porn with sexuality - porn is actually quite a modern phenomenon. No-one needs porn. Lots of people are harmed by it.