To believe it is hypocritical to support and use porn as long as it's only made by other people's children?

[StephanieSJW]

I am shocked and dismayed how much porn has become normalised in our society. I am even more saddened by how many "cool feminists" think it is just a bit of harmless fun.

Too many people (even cool mums on Mumsnet) seem to see porn as a convenience to be enjoyed at their will at the click of mouse or swipe of their screen. However they clutch their pearls in horror if you ask them Would you be happy if your daughter were to become a porn star?

How many nature presenters do you know of that are "encouraged" (at best) or cajoled, co-erced, manipulated or forced by men to become wildlife presenters.

I don't know of any such programmes.

If people are forced into porn, then that is a good reason not to watch it.

A much better reason than not wanting my daughter to do it.

Im with OP. I cant tolerate it. If you are a cool laissez faire parent and your child went into it with free will, it perpetuates an industry where there will always be vulnerable people being exploited.

worth a read

Or this, if you prefer something a bit more scholarly

There are many reasons not to support porn. "I don't want my daughter doing it" isn't really a particularly compelling one. There are a fair few things I wouldn't want my daughter doing. Like most teachers (these days at least), I'd prefer my dc didn't follow in my footsteps. That doesn't mean I think being a teacher is morally wrong or look down on teachers.

Just to make it clear

If my daughter did porn i would neither ‘hold the fact that I gave birth to her over her like some guilt trip.’ or ‘look down’ on her

I am perfectly capable of hating something and not making my child suffer over it

@strivingtosucceed
I recognise the importance these roles have in our society but I wouldn't wantmychild doing them for various reasons. It isn't hypocritical to feel that way.

I have picked your post strivingtosucceed as representative of the contributions here from the camp of No, it is not hypocritical for me to use porn but I would not want my own daughter or so to become a pornstar

A couple of questions / requests (for you or anyone else that would care to respond)

1. Could you please elaborate on the various reasons you allude to above as to why you would never want your own child to go into this industry?

2. Why would your various reasons (in answer to q1 above) not apply to any fellow human being?. Or are your children more worthy of protection?

3. What would you watch if every parent was like
   as good as you? I take it from your username that you would bring up your daughters and sons also to "strive for success". This is a noble admirable aspiration..But if everyone followed your example - who would act in the porn for you?

Your title is a bit misleading. Adult women who have decided to make porn aren’t children, as your title implies.

I think people need to be responsible about the porn they watch, but there are ways to do that. If you don’t know where to start, google ‘Ethical Porn’. It’s rarely free (unlike unethical porn...) but worth paying for the sake of not furthering exploitation.

I despise porn and those who use it, as it abuses women and children and fuels the drug trade.

I have great sympathy for most women who work in the sex industry its as its not a free choice for them.

I would hate any of my children to be involved in it it any way.

I agree with you, OP.

@that25cUKHeatwaveof2019

There's a lot of things I believe my kids shouldn't do, but I expectsomeoneto do, so what? One way or another, we all think that

Same question to you, that25cUKHeatwaveof2019. Specifically in relation to porn - why are your children more worthy of being protected from the evils of the porn industry than other peoples?

What would you and your husband watch if every parent was as good as you?

@VivienneHolt

Your title is a bit misleading. Adult women who have decided to make porn aren’t children, as your title implies

This is a parenting website. This is a question about the conditions / attitudes in parents who are comfortable using porn now that could be creating demand for porn actors of the future.

Stephanie
I have to agree the title is an not misleading. You use 'children' to provoke an emotional reaction, but we're not talking about children.

Everyone is someone's child. So what? We make our own choices and many pornstars are working of they're own free will.

@Barbie222

Yesterday 21:20Barbie222

Also, the argument "would you be happy with your daughter doing xxxxx" normalises and legitimises the idea that you should control what your adult children do, which is a far more pervasive form of control affecting far more people than the women who are coerced to work in the sex industry

Not quite. I am not asking "How would you control your child?" I am asking (on a parenting website) if those who use porn would be happy for their own child to go on to be a porn star.

@cutebbg
Everyoneis someone's child
Correct. And this is a parenting website. The questions is aimed at parents who are happy to use porn today. I am asking if they, as parents, would be happy if their own children were to become porn stars of the future.

@stephaniesjw It's not about desensitising porn, its about not invoking images of child porn to suit your agenda. Consenting, grown adults making or watching porn is very very different to child 'porn' and it feels, at least to me that you are falsely conflating the two in order to get the response you want. Have you considered the possibility that there may be people reading this thread who are able to distinguish between the two from personal experience?

As others have said, everyone is someone's child. I know that porn users would prefer not to think about this so that life is easier for them. But this is a parenting website. I am asking parents who watch porn if they see any hypocrisy in not wanting their own children to become porn stars in the future

I would be happy to change the title of the thread to make this clear.

Just catching up

' I guess it makes it easier for porn-users they are watching as nothing more than a piece of meat there for the viewer's pleasure.'

This reminded me of something I read the other day about how men think of the women in porn when they watch it vs women.
The men didn't see them as people while the women did.
Ill see if I can find it after catching up.

Title is not misleading, apart from to those who like porn and think it's great for everyone etc.

This is a derail.

Questions like 'would you be confortable with your child joining the army' are not unusual, no one thinks it means children are allowed to join army in uk and this is what is being asked.

It also speaks to an idea that a person's child is their child however old they are. At 45 I am still my parents child, aren't i.

This is disingenuous deraililng.

Can't find it dammit.

It must have been bbc or similar, maybe someone else can remember.

It was a bit of a no shit sherlock thing but also weird to ewe it confirmed that way.

Out of curiosity, do you know many women in the sex industry? Or have you asked them what their views are?

I find it interesting that the pro porn people are so passionately against trafficking, coercion, and underage people in porn.

One is very keen to believe that all the women he is watching are really enjoying the sex they are having, not even seeing they are working and no one loves their work all the time.

The ethical porn thing is funny as well.

Essentially people lie to themselves to do what they want to do.

People want to watch porn, they have no idea of the circumstances, feelings of the people they are watching, no idea why they are there, what their life experiences are, what they like. Gay male porn, no idea if the men are even gay, if they like sex with men. Same applies across the board with both sexes and all combinations they are shown in. Porn is made for pay, the idea upthread that its showing the womens preferred actual sex lives or something is really weird!

Anyway, unless you know the people you are watching personally, you have no way of knowing whether what you are watching is 'ok' or not. Ethical porn, its known there is a market there so porn is simply labelled as ethical. Same as happened with amateur. Lots of amateur porn is anything but.

You Google you watch something you have no idea really. But that's an uncomfortable thought so say yes it's all fine.

A few years back I went onto one of the famous sites, the front page had loads of thumbnails featuring women who looked asleep or unconscious. On sofas/the floor. Passed out. It looked like normal houses. Anyone can upload. How many people enjoyed what was at best a video of a fake rape, more likely a real one, because why wouldnt it be?

I stopped watching porn around that time, after that and a couple of videos that I found v disturbing, one with a woman one with a man, both not wanting what was done, if you actually looked at them.

A few years later, one of the main sites said they would no longer host the unconscious / asleep type of content or anything that depicted (or showed) rape. This was greeted with a big fund of applause about how ethical and decent and progressive they were. Seriously? I'd think this was a bare minimum.

So thats a couple of thoughts around the topic.

@Sparklesocks

Out of curiosity, do you know many women in the sex industry? Or have you asked them what their views are?

Another potential derail I think. This thread is aimed at parents on Mumsnet who use porn

The questions for them is Do you think it is hypocritical for you to use porn if you would not want your own children to become pornstars

How are all of you "but trafficking and abuse" enjoying your local fresh fruit and veg in supermarkets? Because part of it came and still comes from slave labour. Or regular handwash for a car...

It's asked on the assumption that women in mn won't and this will shut them up.

Of course the vast majority of the population don't know anyone who works in the sex industry. I suppose men who pay for sex do but I don't think that counts as 'knowing' does it.

As it goes when I was young I knew someone who was in imagery and someone else who was paid for sex. Not sure what difference that's supposed to make.