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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’ve done nothing wrong?

271 replies

YouDoYou18 · 13/07/2019 11:22

Background - Currently on Maternity leave for my DD, 29 weeks pregnant so will be going onto another Maternity leave straight after

I was talking to a close friend yesterday about how my work has sent over the details for the reward day this year and how I’m sad to be missing it as it sounds really good, she replied with it’s very nice of them to offer considering you won’t be working for them and I simply said they probably do just because I’m still employed, even while on maternity leave.

The reply I got was Eh? You didn’t go back after maternity leave. To which I responded that I’m still on maternity leave and will be rolling into another maternity leave but still employed. The response I got was Fucking hell you work for a fucking good company as I had to be back a year before I could have another baby. I said it was illegal to not allow someone a second maternity leave, it’s just that you have to claim maternity allowance instead of SMP.

She then started questioning what the point in me even being employed was, to which I said holiday, continuous employment on my cv and the ability to go back, at which point she informed me that ‘it’s no surprise you’re not entitled to any benefits’. And has now completely stopped talking to me.

Somewhere in the conversation I appear to have pissed her off but I have no clue when?? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong in keeping my job, and I’ve not been declaring that I should be entitled to benefits, I’ve just recently been worrying about not being able to get any help with childcare when I do get back.. AIBU?

OP posts:
Dorsetdays · 13/07/2019 16:31

Joan. I fully understand that, but it’s the reality of the world we live in. Unfortunately not all businesses, particularly new start ups or SME’s, can afford to do anything else though.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 16:32

Its not women who have childrens fault that other people cant or dont have children....

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 16:33

No the reality is that a lot of employers discriminate against women and we are just expected to be ok with it.

Dorsetdays · 13/07/2019 16:35

I don’t think people are saying it’s OK, just that we don’t live in a perfect world and not all businesses can afford to support back to back maternity leave.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 13/07/2019 16:36

JoanMavisIcecreamGir

you are not making any sense. The issue is not people having babies, the issue is treating your employees in equal and fair way.

So basic paid maternity leave is one thing, another employee would get equal sick pay anyway. Holiday and performance bonus, or worst as I have read on this forum, expecting a promotion when you haven't been there for a year!, no.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 13/07/2019 16:37

Different rules for bigger companies and small businesses should apply to. One might be able to swallow the costs, the other cannot.

luckybird07 · 13/07/2019 16:43

I recall people being shocked when people did this in a school- it was seen as very piss taking. Legally you can but I think people do judge it to be honest.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 17:03

The issue is not people having babies, the issue is treating your employees in equal and fair way

Well that would mean treating all pregnant people the same as nobody else would need mat leave....

You cant give mat leave to women who cant or dont want to have kids in the name of fairness.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 13/07/2019 17:12

No, that would mean treating all employee who need time off the same.

fuckwitseverywhere · 13/07/2019 17:13

You have the right to return to your role after 39 weeks. You can stay off another 13 weeks unpaid and return to an equivalent role, but it doesn't have to be the same one.
Nothing the OP has done is wrong. Some businesses do struggle with employees being away for long periods especially in a specialised role that is difficult to recruit temporary cover.
For all those people giving the OP a hard time, you don't know her circumstances. If her and her employer are happy then there is no problem.
OP your friend sounds bitter, does she have children?

Dorsetdays · 13/07/2019 17:16

Not sure people are giving the OP a hard time. She asked for opinions and some people have said quite clearly that whilst she’s done nothing wrong legally, they wouldn’t do the same or feel that it’s taking advantage.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 17:23

No, that would mean treating all employee who need time off the same

That makes no sense at all.... why would anyone else need 9 months off?

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 13/07/2019 17:32

That makes no sense at all.... why would anyone else need 9 months off?

it's not 9 months for a start.

because of illness, to care for a sick relative, because they want to take a gap year, who knows? People CHOOSE to have kids, others chose to do something else. No one chose to get sick.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 17:36

But sickness and maternity are 2 entirely different things.

All staff will get the same sick pay, all pregnant staff will get the same mat pay.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 17:36

Its 9 months paid...

jennymanara · 13/07/2019 18:10

@that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 Small businesses get 103% of the costs back of statutory maternity pay.

DontPressSendTooSoon · 13/07/2019 18:24

Fed up of women being made to feel guilty for the heinous crime of having a baby.

And if their employer needed to get rid of employees, pregnant or not, if they were surplus to requirements for example, do you think they would give a shit ?

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 13/07/2019 18:27

a business is not a charity, if you need to get rid of people, so be it.
It's probably better than closing down so everybody loses their job surely?

Yogagirl123 · 13/07/2019 18:30

Close friend? Possibly not, to be so judgemental, I don’t think your best interests are at heart here OP.

user1471439310 · 13/07/2019 18:35

I live in the U.S. also and if I didn't have enough sick and vacation time (only get 1 month vacation) I don't get paid. They would laugh if I tried to have maternity leave one after another. Most companies aren't going to hold your job.

stayathomer · 13/07/2019 18:40

If small business are subsidised for the pay , I'd assume they're not given money to recruit a new person, I suppose that's where it could get sticky for them. ( Sorry if I'm wrong!) By the way in Ireland it's 24 weeks paid, another 4 months on a reduced amount

Elmo311 · 13/07/2019 18:43

I work in a predominantly female workforce, I have also had back to back pregnancies, and they just kept my replacement on- no problems. Got SMP before anyone asks.

Number 2 wasn't planned , what was I meant to do? Abort? Because of 'taking the piss'?
Sometimes life doesn't go the way we plan it.
I'm not taking the piss, I'm skilled, I've been in my profession 15 years and I will go back and still be good at my job.

I think that 2 back to back is a little better than a small gap of going back and then fucking off again, but each to their own!

Congrats OP.

mydogisthebest · 13/07/2019 19:29

Well if I had a business I would bloody well discriminate and not choose to employ young women. The rules are ridiculous. Who decided you only have to work somewhere for 6 months to be entitled to maternity leave and pay? What was wrong with 2 years or, if it needed to be changed, why not 1 year?

Maybe it would be a good idea not to get pregnant while still on maternity leave? Oh of course I forgot all the "accidents" that happen to MN women! Elmo311 proves that point well.

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 19:30

mydogisthebest lets hope youre never responsible for hiring anyone then with that vile attitude.

Why does anything need to change? Because you personally dont like it?

hsegfiugseskufh · 13/07/2019 19:34

And people do legitimately accidentally get pregnant. Contraception is not 100% you know. No need for the ""