To think I’ve done nothing wrong?

[YouDoYou18]

Background - Currently on Maternity leave for my DD, 29 weeks pregnant so will be going onto another Maternity leave straight after

I was talking to a close friend yesterday about how my work has sent over the details for the reward day this year and how I’m sad to be missing it as it sounds really good, she replied with it’s very nice of them to offer considering you won’t be working for them and I simply said they probably do just because I’m still employed, even while on maternity leave.

The reply I got was Eh? You didn’t go back after maternity leave. To which I responded that I’m still on maternity leave and will be rolling into another maternity leave but still employed. The response I got was Fucking hell you work for a fucking good company as I had to be back a year before I could have another baby. I said it was illegal to not allow someone a second maternity leave, it’s just that you have to claim maternity allowance instead of SMP.

She then started questioning what the point in me even being employed was, to which I said holiday, continuous employment on my cv and the ability to go back, at which point she informed me that ‘it’s no surprise you’re not entitled to any benefits’. And has now completely stopped talking to me.

Somewhere in the conversation I appear to have pissed her off but I have no clue when?? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong in keeping my job, and I’ve not been declaring that I should be entitled to benefits, I’ve just recently been worrying about not being able to get any help with childcare when I do get back.. AIBU?

In a woman’s working life of 50 years
A 50 years working life for people my age is common. I started full time work at 16 and will retire at 67. That is not the case for younger people. Most do not start full time work until 21 at the earliest, but for many it is much later.

Her anger suggests that she might have felt forced into a decision she didn't want to make during that first year - not that it's something to ask, but I'd think maybe she terminated a second pregnancy for financial reasons, possibly with an element of coercion from her OH?

In any case, it's about her, not you, so I wouldn't take it to heart. You are fortunate that you can afford to do this and that your employer isn't making you 'redundant', so just enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Mind you, the number of teachers who time their second pregnancies so they are back for a couple of weeks at the end of term before going back on Maternity Leave in September seem to have worked out the best solution of all for their families. I wish I'd had the secure relationship, job, finances, legal protection and common sense to be in their position when I had mine.

Lots of companies no longer recruit a fixed term contract to cover a maternity leave. The work is absorbed by colleagues.

If you all happen to work in companies that do recruit cover, you are all incredibly lucky.

Also in terms of maternity cover, of course this should be arranged, but it is not always as simple as many here seem to think. I have done jobs where it basically takes 6 months of employment to be up to speed enough to start doing the job. For 9 months maternity, it actually would make more sense for my employer not to fill the post and just give some extra hours to existing staff. Not all jobs are easy to fill, and these are not always high paid jobs either.

But other employees can be impacted by pregnancy and maternity leave. It all depends what field you work in and the type of employer you have.

Yes, if you have a bad employer they will try to put it on you. This is why we should blame bad employers, not employees, for the actions of said employers

Totally agree with comment about teachers as well.

Having another baby when you choose rather than when your work dictate isn't taking the piss at all!

I hate this attitude of 'this is the law but it is still wrong for women to do x y and z'. It is discriminatory.

Firstly, maternity leave isn't a benefit for women, it's a benefit for the whole family but mainly for the baby so it can build a secure bond with a primary caregiver

Secondly, maternity leave can now be shamed so to the people saying they wouldn't want to employ women of a certain age, I hope you employ a man who takes an equal share of paternity leave

I did the same thing back to back may leave. I went back after and stayed with them for quite a while.

Shes just jealous ,let her get on with her strop.

Personally I think that’s taking the piss ,and while I’m sure everyone will be nice to your face about it ,I bet they are all thinking cf.

I think it's odd she would take offence and fall out with you. But I do think it's a bit of a piss take, but as you rightly said, there is fuck all your employer can do about it.

Do you get enhanced mat pay? Presumably she thinks so and did herself if she thinks you should have to go back for a set period to qualify for more?
I found one group of friends who all happened to be in public sector or ex public sector roles (think education, health, utilities) were all gobsmacked I only got SMP despite a well paid job. They didn't seem to know it's pretty common.

Other employees can suffer if a colleague gets a long term illness or gets hit by a bus and needs months to recover; that’s life - you hire humans, not robots. People have to have babies or society will grind to a halt. If women lose their jobs whilst pregnant or are pushed out of the workplace or forced to return to work whilst their babies are very young, how will that benefit society as a whole?

Some people seem to regard maternity leave as a trivial indulgence that women are getting away with. I can’t understand that viewpoint at all. Decent maternity protections and pay are so important in a fair society. Crap employers are a separate problem!

You've done nothing wrong. Sometimes people who work for councils, big companies are oblivious to the preferential benefits they work under. Benefits are a big overhead for small businesses and many don't/can't match what's found in corporate land. Maybe she found you inconsiderate to her less favourable position, or oblivious to your comparable privilege or maybe she's just raging hers aren't as good. It would be fantastic for everyone to have amazing benefits.

Are you going back to work after second child?

Legally, go you.

But you know it is shit for your employer and really doesn’t help women in the workplace of child bearing age. And everyone will be thinking ‘fucks sake’ and you’ll be really deskilled after 2 years out of the workplace.

Of course, you are fine legally.

It is true that your co-workers will likely be annoyed though & you might find yourself out of place skill wise when you return

But does society need or want to hold a job open for someone who had back to back maternity leaves?

One maternity leave I totally get, but back to back maternity leaves is just job blocking.

That's more dangerous to society than someone's right to be churning out kids because UK employment law allows them to.

I'd have thought it was best to have both sets of maternity leave all in one go rather than the disruption of re-entering the work force for a year, then taking time out again.

Lots of companies no longer recruit a fixed term contract to cover a maternity leave. The work is absorbed by colleagues.

That doesn't entitle an employer to try and force somebody to work full time when they have a part time contract though. I'm fortunate that it is impossible for me to provide maternity cover for colleagues, my employer always hires somebody to cover it.

while I’m sure everyone will be nice to your face about it ,I bet they are all thinking cf. They're all twats then aren't they?

But you know it is shit for your employer and really doesn’t help women in the workplace of child bearing age. No, what doesn't help is this attitude of resentment and the wilful ignorance of the fact that, as AmIRightOrAMeringue and Captain say, maternity leave isn't a benefit for women, it's a benefit for the whole family and for wider society.

you’ll be really deskilled after 2 years out of the workplace. That's just spiteful.

Of course you have done nothing wrong, but it can be hard for employees and employers to cover. Its not always as easy as getting someone in to cover especially if it is for 2 years. A colleague of mine has worked with me for 5 years and been on mat leave for 3 of those 5 years and has made no secret of the fact she wishes to have another 3 kids and will be basically ttc from when she starts back at work. This is now causing friction because a colleague has to step up to cover when said person is off but drop back down when she returns.

Sorry but this is why I wouldn't employ a (child bearing aged) woman if I ran a small business.

Isn't it easier for your company if you take two mat leaves back to back? Then they can just keep in place the arrangements they already had (assuming they are adequate), rather than the employee going back for a year and then taking maternity again, so the arrangements have to be taken away and then put back in place again.

Re "job blocking" - I can think of so many men who job block by being just about adequate so they don't get fired but are generally a bit shit at their jobs. This is a much bigger issue than women taking maternity leave in terms of job blocking IMO!

jennymanara Sat 13-Jul-19 12:18:00
A 50 years working life for people my age is common. I started full time work at 16 and will retire at 67. That is not the case for younger people. Most do not start full time work until 21 at the earliest, but for many it is much later.

The state pension age will be 70 for anyone born after 1981.

21 year olds currently entering the work place won't get a state pension until they are 72.