To think I’ve done nothing wrong?

[YouDoYou18]

Background - Currently on Maternity leave for my DD, 29 weeks pregnant so will be going onto another Maternity leave straight after

I was talking to a close friend yesterday about how my work has sent over the details for the reward day this year and how I’m sad to be missing it as it sounds really good, she replied with it’s very nice of them to offer considering you won’t be working for them and I simply said they probably do just because I’m still employed, even while on maternity leave.

The reply I got was Eh? You didn’t go back after maternity leave. To which I responded that I’m still on maternity leave and will be rolling into another maternity leave but still employed. The response I got was Fucking hell you work for a fucking good company as I had to be back a year before I could have another baby. I said it was illegal to not allow someone a second maternity leave, it’s just that you have to claim maternity allowance instead of SMP.

She then started questioning what the point in me even being employed was, to which I said holiday, continuous employment on my cv and the ability to go back, at which point she informed me that ‘it’s no surprise you’re not entitled to any benefits’. And has now completely stopped talking to me.

Somewhere in the conversation I appear to have pissed her off but I have no clue when?? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong in keeping my job, and I’ve not been declaring that I should be entitled to benefits, I’ve just recently been worrying about not being able to get any help with childcare when I do get back.. AIBU?

Why is it piss taking if it’s in the contract? If you’re a small business I would assume contracts are different. I'm employed by an Australian company and I went on Mat leave for 2 years paid for 3 months, then had my second child and took another 2 years with a further 3 months paid without returning. That’s the standard at my company. I shouldn’t be begrudged because I chose an employer that provides this!
The other option is my husband have the baby and breastfeed and bond with the baby. Oh, bugger they can’t do that!
Your friend is being a dick and many of the other posters that disagree with you. It saddens me that so many women don’t support others’ choices when it comes to pregnancy in the workplace. I don’t think women choose to have kids for the reason of taking the piss!

Send her a bottle of vinegar for that chip on her shoulder

commonpeople. Your DH might not be able to give birth but no reason on earth why they can’t help with feeding if your DC are bottle fed or you express and absolutely they can bond with their own DC. 🙄

There are some naive comments on here about how small businesses operate.
Do it all yourself or freelancers ...ffs.

'Schools don't have emphasis on raising children or being choosing a partner. Those are incredibly important life skills.'

Wow, did I just time travel back to the 1950s?
By putting emphasis on those particular subjects that's like telling children that they must have children when they're older and must have relationships and anything other isn't normal.
As if those who choose not to do either for whatever reasons aren't already marginalised by society.
Raising children is an important life skill but only if you choose to have children or end up having children, it isn't if you don't. There are some girls and boys who even at school know they're not the maternal types and never will be and have already made the decision to be child free.
Most kids probably wouldn't take much notice anyways and the majority of kids would have forgotten it all by the time the did have kids if they ever did go on to do that.
As regards to choosing a partner, I hardly classify that as the same. That's almost like the belief amongst some people that dating is compulsory.
I choose not to have relationships but that's partly as I see it all as a waste of time, I analyse things most people wouldn't. Before anyone says well I need to be taught that, well, I also I choose not to for private reasons.

As if schools haven't got enough to teach kids and teachers don't have enough of a workload as it is without teaching kids ethics of the 1950s.

She does sound jealous. I didn't know you could do this- Maternity leave has moved on a great deal since I had my first child 20 years ago and I think its positive change -I'm slightly jealous too that back to back maternity leave wasn't available to me I had my oldest two children 15 months apart so I gave up my job. You've done nothing wrong and its clearly in line with your companies Maternity leave policy . Depending on the employer, it may be less disruptive in the long run taking it back to back rather than returning just for a few months, I accept it is much harder for small businesses

@Dorsetdays you’ve missed the point. We have choices and I chose to breastfeed not bottlefeed and bond in that way, as much as my DH offered to bottlefeed after expressing. Expressing was a PITA

Common. I haven’t missed the point, you’ve said it yourself...it was a choice. Your comment was that men “can’t do that”, of course they can, you just chose for your DC not to.

I don't know what your friend is bothered by it? Is she an employer or something or struggling to conceive or is she struggling moneuwose? I think I can do this at my work, but I'd feel worried about the politics/ being seen as a piss taker, not that that's how it should feel! I knew someone who only had to go back for about 8 weeks between mat leaves, but no one whose run them one after another like that. Saying that plenty of people who haven't returned after mat leave.

Dorsetdays, we can’t choose for our partners to have the babies and breastfeed them. But yes we can choose to go back to work and pump all day I suppose... or formula if that’s your choice...

I'm amazed at the lack of support from other women towards women. We have a long way to go if we are ever to get parity with men if women continue to support patriarchy.

Raising children is already expensive - if not for the mat leave many more women wouldn't have kids.

I see nothing wrong with back to back mat leave. You're not entitled to any benefits for the second mat leave say for £500 government paid month and possibly child benefit. So little financial impact on the employer. I can understand the training issue but once you've trained someone for a few months then they should be up and running. If it's a specialist skill issue then it would make sense to employ a mat cover who has specialist skills in the first place.

The need to be back 12 months might relate to enhanced maternity packages?

However the ops company is only paying smp which is paid to the company by the government so they aren't really out of pocket and they get to try out the maternity cover who could be a good employee and someone they keep on if they look to expand.

Sorry but this is why I wouldn't employ a (child bearing aged) woman if I ran a small business.

Thank goodness you don't in that case. Guilty of double discrimination: age and sex.

What’s unfair is the inequality of maternity pay offered to women. There is such a discrepancy between different sectors and different employment contracts.

That's true of everything to do with employment though. Some sectors have poor pay, long hours and are generally shit, others get good conditions of service.

While I'd like to see all staff getting the sort of decent t&c's that is enjoyed by staff of the best employers, it's not going to happen any time soon.

With the current environmental worries I think having children is seen as less important and having lots of them a potentially bad thing.

The optimal birth rate is around 2.1 per woman. Demographers have calculated that this is what's needed to maintain a labour force and an age profile where the old aren't a massive burden on those of working age.

In the UK, the birth rate is down to 1.7, and I believe that it's around that figure in most NW European countries. We need more people to have babies, not fewer.

Although I suppose we could go for the alternative, not keeping old people alive for so long. At 64, I prefer the former.

TBH you are taking the piss a bit OP. You have it all planned out to keep your job, receive the benefits with back to back maternity time and just pump out the children and now your main concern is how you are going to off load your children when you decide to swan back in to work.
And you had children why exactly? To be a MOTHER to them?

Common. Not sure it’s as big a deal as you’re trying to make out. Many women, myself included, returned to work whilst bf and trust me we weren’t ‘pumping all day’ 🙄

We now have shared parental leave which is designed to enable fathers to share in the early care of their DC and we should be encouraging it not putting obstacles in the way.

If you/your DP chose not to do that it’s entirely your choice but you shouldn’t presume that everyone else does/should make the same decision.

TBH, I think taking mat leave back to back is taking the piss, planned or not. People forget that getting someone as 9-12 month maternity cover usually costs more than the normal salary range, and that's apart from recruiting costs and productivity lost during the recruitment-handover period. You can't assume the person covering would be happy to carry on, or that they don't get pregnant themselves. Which would require even more palaver.

Some women do take the piss, and i'm not surprised that smaller businesses could be put off hiring women, discrimination or not. Some parts of mat leave are far too generous and encourage CFery while some aren't good enough. It's just a shame that it's the piss takers that ruin it for us all.

donutrehomer the issue is you work for a shit company. They cannot force you to work full time hours if you have a contract saying otherwise.

What do people want women who are pregnant not to apply for jobs or not work?

If op stays at the same company what's the difference for her to have 2 maternity leaves a year apart or straight after one another? I'd say best to have them close together do to get it over and done with for want of a better phrase.

Op you're nbu and your 'friend' is jealous and seems to have some idea that you doing this is costing her something.

Onegiftedgal what a hideous comment! You have wrapped up in one comment the shit time mothers have. You think op is taking the piss by having back to back mat leave but also a shit mum if she returns to that job after having kids as she (shock, horror) will need to use childcare.

Not every mother has the option or the desire to give up work and as a society we need working mums. Also being a stay at home mum doesn't automatically make you good mum.

beyonssweatband Well said. If patriarchy wasn't supported by so many women it would have been crushed long ago.
lakielady some very good points about birth rate. I myself have 4 children and get the environmental comment a lot. Generally by friends who have no children but have 2 or 3 exotic holidays a year, have 2 big engined cars and live a very disposable lifestyle. Whereas we go camping, only drive when necessary and 3 of us are vegetarian. Plus they will appreciate my children when they are tax payers funding the services they will use as they get older and probably more than someone with children as they cannot lean on their children for help.