To think I’ve done nothing wrong?

[YouDoYou18]

Background - Currently on Maternity leave for my DD, 29 weeks pregnant so will be going onto another Maternity leave straight after

I was talking to a close friend yesterday about how my work has sent over the details for the reward day this year and how I’m sad to be missing it as it sounds really good, she replied with it’s very nice of them to offer considering you won’t be working for them and I simply said they probably do just because I’m still employed, even while on maternity leave.

The reply I got was Eh? You didn’t go back after maternity leave. To which I responded that I’m still on maternity leave and will be rolling into another maternity leave but still employed. The response I got was Fucking hell you work for a fucking good company as I had to be back a year before I could have another baby. I said it was illegal to not allow someone a second maternity leave, it’s just that you have to claim maternity allowance instead of SMP.

She then started questioning what the point in me even being employed was, to which I said holiday, continuous employment on my cv and the ability to go back, at which point she informed me that ‘it’s no surprise you’re not entitled to any benefits’. And has now completely stopped talking to me.

Somewhere in the conversation I appear to have pissed her off but I have no clue when?? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong in keeping my job, and I’ve not been declaring that I should be entitled to benefits, I’ve just recently been worrying about not being able to get any help with childcare when I do get back.. AIBU?

I can’t believe people openly admit that they don’t think women should be allowed to take maternity leaves back to back or otherwise. I can’t imagine being such a misogynistic, blinkered, selfish person as to spout some of the views on this thread. It’s jaw dropping.

groucho Yes and they will still have less working years than me. But it is pretty common for 21 year olds to travel and do further qualifications, so many will have less working years than that.

And lets be real, most employers will not be employing 70 year olds. Whatever the government says, it won't happen.

"donutrehomer

Legally, I think you should be at a employer for two years before qualifying for maternity leave I also think you should return and have to have another 12 months of service
before qualifying again."
So if someone does have a second child quickly, what do you think should happen - they should lose their job?

CaptainBrickbeard - I'm not really sure how women are supposed to win on this one.

Small age gap between your kids and take your maternity entitlement = selfish bitch exploiting her employers.

Take minimal maternity leave and head straight back to work = cold bitch dumping her sweet little milky baby with strangers.

Give up on all hope of going back to work and become a SAHM = silly naive woman/ lazy bitch living off a man.

Large age gap between your kids = "was it an accident?"

Only have one child = selfish mother putting her career before her child's need for a sibling.

The minimum service requirement a lot of people are spouting doesn’t apply in high value high income professions where women often have 20 years service before going on maternity leave. I spent 15 years with the same company, working 6-8 every day and sometimes weekends too, why should I not be allowed to take back to back maternity leaves? Admittedly I wouldn’t be taking 1 year at a time, but still. I have EARNED my back to back maternity leaves.

WOW, what a nasty moo. I am so sorry your 'friend' is so annoyed with you wanting to have a career, then wanting a couple of babies, then wanting to return to your career later on.

As pps have said, she is bitter and jealous, and it sounds like you're better off without her.

If you had decided to stay as a SAHM for ten years, the silly bint would still have slagged you off. She is clearly projecting her issues onto you. Fuck her!

You have done nothing wrong @YouDoYou18 and many congratulations on your new little bundles of fun! 👶👶

Exactly, Thomas. And the woman takes all the blame for all of those situations, as though she made the decision to ‘churn out kids’ all on her own .

Tbf captainbrickbeard the father of the child could take 6 months (or at least some) leave. I think it should be mandatory. 50/50 split. Only way we'll ever achieve equality

In the private sector think the employer should have the right to recruit a replacement after the first maternity leave. I think employee should have a right to return for up to two years, but with no guarantee if post or salary. This projects employers in a recession or downturn.

In the public sector i think key employees such as NHS, armed forces, teaching, police etc. Should have unlimited right to return, with subsidised childcare upto the time their child starts secondary school.

She's probably annoyed about her own lack of luck and taking it out on you. Not fair but I understand.

You've done nothing wrong. People saying you are taking the mick, are taking the mick, to put it more politely than they deserve. You are using your company's maternity policy as it was intended.

Sorry, to be clear, I think the public sector should also be able to recruit a replacement.

Legally you've done nothing wrong, but it is a pisstake and adds to the reasons why employers are reluctant to employ women.

Quite. You are being paid for doing no work. Twice. I just hope your employer isn't a small business. This could take them into bankruptcy.

@ThomasTheTankEngineIsAnArse has it exactly right.

i only have one child, because we couldn’t afford another. i have heard many, many times what a shame it is for her. luckily, she is adored and seems unscarred by her ‘only’ status.

once you have a child, your uterus is everyone else’s business. it’s ridiculously unfair.

She won't be paid for the second leave, surely?

Geez if she thinks she’s had it rough, she wouldn’t want to live here. Only 4 of the 50 states have paid maternity leave. Mine doesn’t. We can take up to 12 weeks unpaid leave. After that you either return to work or you resign. No other choices.

Your friend is bitter. She’s also slightly wrong. She didn’t “have to wait a year before she could have another baby”. She can have babies whenever she wants. She only had to wait a year if she wanted to have another full maternity leave. Should have realized that before she accepted a position with that employer. Her lack of research as to the employer’s policies before taking the job shouldn’t be your problem.

Legally you've done nothing wrong, but it is a pisstake and adds to the reasons why employers are reluctant to employ women
Could not agree more.

i also used to work in an industry where women would have a baby ‘on leave’, and then return to work on a 9 month contract on the other side of the world, just to keep the money coming in.

the grass is rarely greener, for anyone.

Thinking about it back to back is probably better. In the case I was thinking about the same colleague has now stepped up 3 times and then dropped back down a level (colleague on leave returns next week) and she (understandably) is feeling that if she is good enough to do the job as cover then she is good enough to do it permanently, but the vacancy isnt there permanently so it can cause a lot of resentment

Just wondering if you'll be going for the hat trick once you push out sprog no. 2

I can’t believe people openly admit that they don’t think women should be allowed to take maternity leaves back to back or otherwise. I can’t imagine being such a misogynistic, blinkered, selfish person as to spout some of the views on this thread. It’s jaw dropping.

This.

So much for fighting the patriarchy!

@sweeneytoddsrazor

But a good manager / employer would be able to manage the resentment, surely? I'm thinking in my most recent place of work there would probably be conversations about career progression / offering more support / offering more money if possible / trying to create a new role for the colleague stepping up.

Also as a manager, I have picked up work from direct reports who were off (for whatever reason) because line-managing those areas is what I got paid for, so I definitely think people complaining about someone's maternity leave "affecting everyone" have a manager/employer issue.

So in my view, and experience, maternity leave laws in the UK are far too generous

Oh give up.

This thread is awful and its people who've said they wouldn't employ women who are the problem not pregnant women.

Absolutely disgusting attitudes.

This would be a potential nightmare for a small business/independent and much as we might hate it, it does hamper women being employed in such circumstances.

Quite. You are being paid for doing no work. Twice. I just hope your employer isn't a small business. This could take them into bankruptcy

If 2 maternity Leaves could bankrupt them they werent ever going to last in the first place.