Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that giving a stranger intimate details of your life is really inappropriate?

97 replies

Saitama · 12/07/2019 22:38

Been with DP for 5 years, lived together for 2. DP and I went on holiday in a different part of the country. At a shop there was a woman who had lived in the same country that DP is originally from.

Unknown to me at the time, DP had got this womans number and had started texting her after we got back home. Pretty much straight away in his messages, he had been telling her bad points about our relationship and sex life. The woman said she wasn't interested in anything more than friends with him after he said this (she obviously assumed he was saying it for a reason as he jumped into that topic so quickly). She then stopped replying to his messages as she must have been very uncomfortable/awkward with what he was saying.

When I saw the texts I said it's totally inappropriate and has hurt me etc, DP thinks that it's fine and normal as he "needed to vent to someone" - I said why a random woman that you barely knew? I don't want my dirty laundry airing to practical strangers!!

We're due to go back to that location on holiday again soon and I am feeling very uncomfortable to be around where that woman might be again. DP thinks its fine and he doesn't understand why I'm reacting like this

AIBU to think that what he did was fucking weird and inappropriate?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 12/07/2019 22:44

We're due to go back to that location on holiday again soon and I am feeling very uncomfortable to be around where that woman might be again. DP thinks its fine and he doesn't understand why I'm reacting like this

I don't understand why you're acting like this.

Why haven't you put him out?

HollowTalk · 12/07/2019 22:46

Do you really want to live with this creep?

liverbird10 · 12/07/2019 22:46

YANBU. I think you know this.

Sorry. :(

HollowTalk · 12/07/2019 22:46

Or even put him down!

liverbird10 · 12/07/2019 22:46

Get rid.

AnyFucker · 12/07/2019 22:48

I don't understand why you are still with him

Butchyrestingface · 12/07/2019 22:50

Or even put him down!

That would work just as well.

Original poster
Saitama · 12/07/2019 22:51

I do believe he didn’t message her intending to be creepy or flirty. He just doesn’t think before he does things and didn’t think how it would make me feel. He still can’t see it from my point of view though

He used to also tell his colleagues at work the same stuff, venting to them but making me look bad. He says he doesn’t do that anymore but I said he never should have as that’s also inappropriate. He’s also been promoted now and is the manager of the people that he used to talk to me about. I said it’s super unprofessional and inappropriate but he says it’s in the past before he was manager and he needed to vent

He’s usually a smart guy so I don’t know why he can’t see how wrong this is

OP posts:
Want2727 · 12/07/2019 22:53

I would say “ well in that case that gives me free reign to tell (insert name of male) all about the issues with our sex life. I will start right now”
Get your phone out and start texting- see how he likes it even if it is someone you know he won’t like it

Original poster
Saitama · 12/07/2019 22:53

Also since I was vague - just to clarify, he wasn’t giving juicy gossip about our sex life. Just saying that there’s problems in our relationship and that we don’t have sex regularly (still inappropriate and none of their business though)

OP posts:
HighlyUnlikely · 12/07/2019 22:56

If my DP did that, you’d see him flying over the horizon with my boot print still glowing on his arse.

Totally inappropriate and very hurtful behaviour.

Butchyrestingface · 12/07/2019 22:56

I would not give this one moment's thought, OP. You've pulled a wrong un. It happens. Get rid before he wants to breed with you.

AnyFucker · 12/07/2019 22:56

Aren't you creeped out by him ?

He is probably lucky this woman he attempted to latch on to didn't call the cops

Original poster
Saitama · 12/07/2019 23:02

I think it’s really weird and inappropriate but not creepy. I believe he is vague and isn’t saying any details, but still broadcasting our private lives to colleagues and in the shop woman’s case, strangers

He has closer friends that he can vent to if he needed to so I don’t know why he doesn’t talk to them. I am embarrassed if I ever have to go to his work place now, as all his colleagues are biased against me because of what he’s said about our relationship troubles or any arguments we’ve had etc.

I hope that by showing him these replies later he will see how weird his behaviour is

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 12/07/2019 23:02

So he gave his number to a random woman in a shop just because they come from the same country?

Get rid.

Ginger1982 · 12/07/2019 23:03

So he also tells all his work colleagues about your problems?

Double get rid!!

Sadiesnakes · 12/07/2019 23:08

He's clearly on the look out for what he thinks is something better. You can't trust or rely on him.
It's dead in the water.

Seeingadistance · 12/07/2019 23:09

Why are you still with him?

FertilitySchmertility · 12/07/2019 23:12

Don’t credit him with bad social skills. This is so much more.

Sarcelle · 12/07/2019 23:12

The woman he targeted is smarter than you. She has his number. Mentioning sex is just a racy equivalent of "my wife doesn't understand me". He was on the lookout for an affair. She knocked that back rapidly and here you are.

AnyFucker · 12/07/2019 23:14

Huh ?

Now you are going to show him this thread ?

You are both as bad as each other

Get a fucking grip

Toseland · 12/07/2019 23:14

Well there’s only one way of keeping your privacy, he has to go!

Sarahjconnor · 12/07/2019 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HiItsClemFandango · 12/07/2019 23:16

Why was he giving a random woman his number anyway? Because they're from the same country?

Myheartbelongsto · 12/07/2019 23:17

The woman he targeted is smarter than you. She has his number. Mentioning sex is just a racy equivalent of "my wife doesn't understand me". He was on the lookout for an affair. She knocked that back rapidly and here you are.

100% this.