Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to think that giving a stranger intimate details of your life is really inappropriate?

97 replies

Saitama · 12/07/2019 22:38

Been with DP for 5 years, lived together for 2. DP and I went on holiday in a different part of the country. At a shop there was a woman who had lived in the same country that DP is originally from.

Unknown to me at the time, DP had got this womans number and had started texting her after we got back home. Pretty much straight away in his messages, he had been telling her bad points about our relationship and sex life. The woman said she wasn't interested in anything more than friends with him after he said this (she obviously assumed he was saying it for a reason as he jumped into that topic so quickly). She then stopped replying to his messages as she must have been very uncomfortable/awkward with what he was saying.

When I saw the texts I said it's totally inappropriate and has hurt me etc, DP thinks that it's fine and normal as he "needed to vent to someone" - I said why a random woman that you barely knew? I don't want my dirty laundry airing to practical strangers!!

We're due to go back to that location on holiday again soon and I am feeling very uncomfortable to be around where that woman might be again. DP thinks its fine and he doesn't understand why I'm reacting like this

AIBU to think that what he did was fucking weird and inappropriate?

OP posts:

Pinktinker · 12/07/2019 23:17

YANBU. He definitely did tell her this so she’d sympathise and hopefully agree to be his OW. She didn’t bite but now you know what he is like, RUN!

MarthasGinYard · 12/07/2019 23:20

Ugh what a disrespectful cunt

Why on earth do you make excuses for him?

PooWillyBumBum · 12/07/2019 23:21

He was clearly gauging her interest/hitting on her. If a friend told you this about her DP would you seriously not think he was trying it on with this other woman!?

You are in the minority thinking it's not creepy; it sounds bloody creepy to me, and it certainly seems to have creeped out Shop Lady. Ew, ew, ew.

Treaclesweet · 12/07/2019 23:22

He was trying to fuck her. Otherwise he would not have said that to her about not getting any. Get real and get rid!

Cloudyyy · 12/07/2019 23:24

Creepy

tomatostottie · 12/07/2019 23:25

DP thinks that it's fine and normal as he "needed to vent to someone" - I said why a random woman that you barely knew?

Because he fancied her and wanted things to go further - no wonder she wasn't amused and broke off contact.
He's a dick. Moaning on about you and his bad relationship etc - it's a classic dick move to try to get sympathy from some other woman.

He's "looking around". He's "seeing what's out there". When some woman falls for this bollocks he'll be off.
Boot him out now.
And by the way, he knows perfectly well that it's wrong and why you're upset, but he wants (needs) to make you believe that you are blowing it out of all proportion and that there is nothing wrong in what he is doing.

toffeeapple123 · 12/07/2019 23:26

Creepy as hell!!!

PlinkPlink · 12/07/2019 23:27

What a fucking creep.

Are you completely blind? He was messaging her for an affair. A bit of flirty texting. A bit of wank material.

He talks to his colleagues about your sex life?

Why the fuck are you still with him? He hasn't even said sorry. He feels perfectly justified and says "he needed to vent".

He has absolutely zero respect for you and your feelings - he is showing you that very clearly. Stop ignoring it and glossing it over.

Prize tosser.

Speakercube · 12/07/2019 23:29

@HighlyUnlikely. OP-why on earth are you going back there??? He sounds a keeper btw.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/07/2019 23:44

Yeah, he'll be 'venting' with his dick soon. (But it'll just be sex, won't mean anything and you'll be wrong to be upset).

lottiegarbanzo · 12/07/2019 23:46

But he certainly knows how to put you off shagging him, doesn't he!

Cut your losses, both of you.

ZiggyB · 12/07/2019 23:46

Mmmm what a catch

Sn0tnose · 12/07/2019 23:49

So he’s been moaning about your sex life to almost anyone who’ll listen and has been so sleazy by text that a woman has had to spell it out to him that she’s not interested? Everything he has done is weird and inappropriate and completely, totally, utterly creepy.

I’ll tell you why he doesn’t vent to his friends. It’s because he doesn’t want to sleep with any of them and doesn’t want any of them judging him for discussing such personal information about your sex life.

In the kindest possible way, he’s on the lookout for a replacement and if he finds some naive fool who isn’t creeped out by him, you won’t have to worry about where you’re going on holiday. Even if you do make it to the holiday, I doubt very much you’ll see the same woman again. As soon as she realises he’s back, she’ll avoid the pair of you like the plague.

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 12/07/2019 23:54

Wow. I would be packing his bags.

RushianDisney · 12/07/2019 23:56

If he is so desperate to whinge to anyone and everyone about how shit your relationship is why would either of you want to continue with it? You both just look like fools. He isn't worth your time, be with someone who tells his colleagues about how great you are, not someone who ineffectively tries to fish for sexting by slagging you off to a random woman he met in a shop.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/07/2019 23:57

It’s weird, inappropriate and creepy. Really, really creepy.

Collaborate · 13/07/2019 00:05

Am I really the only one wondering why part of your concern is that he is sharing details of his private life with a stranger, and here you are doing just that with thousands of strangers?

lottiegarbanzo · 13/07/2019 00:09

Yes Collaborate, you are. We haven't met OP or her partner.

MyOpinionIsValid · 13/07/2019 00:15

@Collaborate - the difference is - we don't have a personal relationship with the OP or her partner. We don't work with them . We are faceless voids in the ether

ReanimatedSGB · 13/07/2019 00:17

You want to stay with a man who basically tells everyone that you won't put out enough? Does he think that if he tells enough people that some of them will come round to your house and order you to open your legs?

Original poster

Saitama · 13/07/2019 00:18

Maybe it is creepy but I honestly never saw it like that as I don’t believe that’s what he’s like. I guess it is and I’m just blind to it

OP posts:

savingshoes · 13/07/2019 00:22

My husband tends to the tell people our business too... not to the extent you have but things like our finances a private debate etc.
So far what works is asking if he wouldn't mind discussing such things with our parents next time we are with them. It doesn't always work but it might help.

OldAndWornOut · 13/07/2019 00:23

I think when you're with someone who is so blase about it, it can make you question yourself, rather than him.
I would imagine he has often pulled the same kind of trick; enough that you're now not sure.

How about if a friends husband texted you in the same way?
Would you be perfectly comfortable with it?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/07/2019 00:29

Yes you’ve probably become acclimatised to how creepy and inappropriate and unkind he is. If that’s your normal, then something is very, very wrong.

Catsandchardonnay · 13/07/2019 00:47

Please run. Very far and fast. This is not normal. How dare he share private details about you? He’s an utter sleaze. Please get rid.

Flip

1 2 3 4