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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should never marry a gamer

344 replies

Somersetlady · 12/07/2019 15:54

A glut of threads on here recently reference DH being useless/not contributing/ not looking after kids because they are in the xbox. Often they stay up late on the xbox.

One but of advice for those dating would seem to be to steer clear of gamers as your future OH!

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 15/07/2019 15:51

I stereotype gamers as lazy and unsociable. On the other hand they are probably loyal and less likely to stray away
Yeah that’s my DH Grin still positives are we never have to argue about whose turn it is to go out for the night because he doesn’t go out and I get to watch whatever i like on tv because he is always playing on his game in another room.
I like my space so I don’t need to be doing the same stuff as him all the time.
Nickname is tongue in cheek, It doesn’t get in the way of family time and he pulls his weight with the chores.

gamerchick · 15/07/2019 16:00

That's an easy question. They wash and clean things that are not dirty and fret about the day when a tradesperson asks to use their toilet

Grin

Tell you what I love angood board game. Me and friends who are also console gamers meet up once a month for a good laugh over a board game. I'm sure there are some on here who would also think that pathetic in their little lives where fun doesn't live Wink

EmeraldShamrock · 15/07/2019 16:00

YABU.
I echo gamerwidow.
DP is a gamer, he works full time he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, gives 100% to the DC, always helps in the home, plus I get lots of free time, I am a happy loner, i so it's a win win, being in a relationship but having my me time.
It did piss me off in the early days at times as I didn't understand it, it is his outlet.

Gooigi · 15/07/2019 16:08

@Chovihano?

So half of the population are pathetic? And GTAV became the most profitable entertainment product of all time by being played mostly by under sixteen?

PooWillyBumBum · 15/07/2019 16:10

It wouldn’t be for me. DH works hard but we like to spend our evenings and weekends together. His parents spend every waking minute together so it’s his model of a good relationship and I still love spending as much time with him as possible whether that be exercising, chatting or even reading side by side. I’ve played online games in the past but I’m always left feeling really unfulfilled and like I’ve wasted my time, whereas growing veg, home improvements, sports, learning languages and reading gives me a sense of achievement and feels physically and mentally healthier.

He used to cycle alone and now we go together. Would choose cycling over gaming any day - at his peak he was commuting by bike 27 miles a day and his body was insanely yum.

I’m probably biased because ex liked gaming and is a bit chubby round the middle and generally unmotivated outside of work and I kind of correlate them mentally (most gamers I know at work confirm my prejudices aren’t the type I’d go for!)

vixfromthestix · 15/07/2019 16:15

Attitudes like this are the reason I don't talk about being a gamer. One of my closest friends found out 2 years after we met that I was one as I wanted her to know me and not dismiss me off hand (turns out she found it funny I hasn't mentioned it rather than running off screaming). I work full time, run a Brownie Unit and a Guide unit, am carer to my DH, exercise regularly, read books and own both an X Box and Playstation.

But you know, I'm childish

Chovihano · 15/07/2019 16:15

Gooigi

I don't see gaming as a hobby though, it's pathetic from grown ups, imo.
That's good though, I'll leave the gamers for those who also game.There's lots of things grown ups do I find childish and irresponsible, but we are all entitled to our opinion.
Whilst people are happy to waste heir time playing games, marketeers will make a fortune, so all good.

Vesperia · 15/07/2019 16:17

OH is a gamer, I am an occasional gamer - we go to comic con together & both love it. We have also both just discovered Warhammer which is a time sucking hobby but we enjoy it so far, I like painting the little figures & it's more of a case of we just play the actual game at home when his DSS visits.

I also like to watch sh** tv, housewives, love island etc etc so am quite happy for him to play while I catch up on those

Works for us

Gooigi · 15/07/2019 16:23

@Chovihano

Whereas insulting people on a n anonymous internet forum is completely mature and not a waste of time at all.

And by the way, according to the dictionary, a hobby is 'an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation'. Not sure how games don't come under that.

gamerchick · 15/07/2019 16:23

whereas growing veg, home improvements, sports, learning languages and reading

That's a good start. I do three things from that list also, it is very satisfying.

What I find most amusing though is people who come on to an online forum and state other people's choices are pathetic. Forums are right up there with the waste of time thing if you want to split hairs.

You may as well point that finger right back at yourself as there is a lot of people who don't get online forums and think they're incredibly sad.

Swings and roundabouts man Grin

Ginnymweasley · 15/07/2019 16:28

Why are some hobbies seen as better than others? Surely a hobby is something you enjoy that you do to relax. Why should people have to do something that gives them a sense of achievement all the time? After a busy day what is the problem with occasionally sitting and playing a game? People sit and watch live island etc I imagine gamers feel more achievement in their game tbh.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 15/07/2019 16:29

@Chovihano do you not do anything for fun?

Spudlet · 15/07/2019 16:32

I grow veg, practice yoga daily, cycle, read in two languages, knit, and am learning to programme. And I game as well.

It’s extremely reductive and close minded to suggest that one hobby negates the possibility of any other.

Original poster
Somersetlady · 15/07/2019 16:36

@Ginnymweasley i guess it’s a perspective thing.

In the same way i no longer believe in father christmas, use a childrens play park i see gaming as something children do (although i never did) if that makes sense.

This thread was actually meant as tongue in cheek as there are so many MN threads on the problems living with a gamer or that the time a DH who games dedicates to the gaming yet not the house or kids!

OP posts:
PooWillyBumBum · 15/07/2019 16:37

@Spudlet I'm sure you can have many, for me gaming always left me feeling 'empty' and unfulfilled. Appreciate not the same for everyone, but I have an addictive personality and it just made me feel depressed and shit. DH reports feeling the same way after the initial high of immersing himself in a new game. Like getting rid of our TV, removing that as an option was a positive thing for our lives. YMMV.

Ginnymweasley · 15/07/2019 16:39

What about board games? They can be aimed at children but no one says that adults are childish if they partake in a game of monopoly at xmas.
You may have meant it to be tongue in cheek but in reality you have just decided to insult hundreds of people cause its something you wouldn't enjoy.
I live near the sea every weekend there are loads of people fishing off the beach near my house. I can't see the appeal but I don't go around calling them boring and pathetic just cause think it's a pointless pastime.

Myothernameistakenbysomeone · 15/07/2019 16:40

If my gamer man proposed, I'd say YES before he had chance to finish the question.
Does he spend time on his games, yes. Does he give me and the kids attention, yes. Does he work damn hard in his job, yes...... so he can have his downtime on his pc. He's happy staying at home and being with us or his games. I'd rather have a gamer than someone who knobs off to the pub every night or is out and about with mates. He's at home, with us.

Bit harsh really to try stick a negative label on anyone who enjoys gaming😕😡

JacquesHammer · 15/07/2019 16:41

This thread was actually meant as tongue in cheek as there are so many MN threads on the problems living with a gamer or that the time a DH who games dedicates to the gaming yet not the house or kids!

That’s a DH problem and not a gaming problem.

gamerchick · 15/07/2019 16:44

In the same way i no longer believe in father christmas, use a childrens play park i see gaming as something children do (although i never did) if that makes sense

It does make sense but that's the point right there. You're dismissing something you've no experience of as a negative. The men woman post about on here are fundamentally selfish, the gaming is a side issue. It could be absolutely anything and you've focused on the gaming threads because you're prejudiced in the first place thinking they're for kids.

I'll tell you, the games I play my 12 yr old isn't even allowed to watch.

ShartGoblin · 15/07/2019 16:45

This is just another example of "Things you only hear negative things about on mumsnet" because nobody is going to start a thread about everything being great. MILs, gaming, cycling - not all bad but you're not going to post about it here unless you have a problem you need help with are you?

My DP is a gamer, I'm marrying him because I am too. Sometimes we play together, sometimes we don't. We still go out and do other things and have careers and social lives so I think I will still marry a gamer.

I love my future mother in law too, she's ace Grin

madmother1 · 15/07/2019 16:46

My DP is a cyclist. Gorgeous large thighs and calves. It's never bothered me with him doing it a few times a week or competing sometimes. It's usually early in the morning and I get to have "me" time or time with my adult DC. He does however look at his phone a lot ....that's something I'm working on!

Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 16:47

It’s not a terrible hobby, is a terrible addiction. Some people can pick up and drop gaming as and when, for others it becomes addictive. Like any addiction, that’s when it becomes an issue. It’s like saying never go out with someone who drinks. No, just avoid alcoholics.

PooWillyBumBum · 15/07/2019 16:49

@madmother1 what about the bum? DH's bum makes me want to weep, sometimes. Love cyclists bodies.

Chovihano · 15/07/2019 17:14

Yes, I do lots of things for fun, I don't work many hours atm.
we tend to spend time together as a family, rather than twiddling thumbs.
Lots of outdoor activities, playing with my gc, and going places with my kids.
Then I have personal hobbies, I find people who game boring, lacking in imagination and pathetic as grown ups.
I wouldn't touch one with a barge pole, nor encourage any of my family to be involved with them, let alone marry one. That's what the question asked.

JacquesHammer · 15/07/2019 17:15

I find people who game boring, lacking in imagination and pathetic as grown ups

So you find a creative pursuit lacking in imagination?

Are people really so mind-numbingly dense?!