Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

red flags from guy I'm dating or am I being too sensitive

165 replies

Pinespow · 12/07/2019 12:36

I have been dating recently and found a really nice guy. He's very sweet and we have been taking things quite slow.

I recently split from my ex who was very controlling and left me as a shell of a person - very insecure and very anxious all the time. So I don't know if I'm seeing red flags here when there are none.

I've met up with this guy once - and it was really nice! He often sends me long messages though and I struggle to reply to them all. I've found recently that his messages are becoming more abrupt and tense (if that makes sense). Here's a (very edited!) example;

Guy im dating: so why did you train to become a dancer?

Me: I guess it's because of X, Y and Z, it's something I really enjoy

Him: I disagree with your reasoning there.

Confused it's like everything has to be a debate! He's done this for quite a while so I just tend to ignore his replies that state disagreement - I find it really odd.

This week his messages have been more abrupt. He asked me about an event in the news and I gave my opinion on it - he then called me egotistical and said that he may have to re-arrange meeting up on Friday to next week.

I ignored his comment about being egotistical (even though I was offended) and said "sure, no worries at all".

He replied to me saying "are you sure about that?" and then when I didn't reply to that in the evening he sent a message "I expected a reply to my other messages too".

I panicked a bit and apologized (I know I shouldn't have, working on this in therapy!). He then tried to continue the conversation but I haven't replied yet ... I feel like my heart isn't in it anymore.

I spoke to my friend about this and she said I was overreacting and too sensitive. But something in gut is telling me to run!!

AIBU to think this is red flag behaviour?! And do I need to tell him I don't want to see him again or ignore Blush

OP posts:
Arnoldthecat · 12/07/2019 18:01

Eject,Eject,Eject......

Frankola · 12/07/2019 18:01

He sounds like a controlling nutjob

RUN RUN RUN

NameChangeNugget · 12/07/2019 18:02

Sounds like a knob

Ohyesiam · 12/07/2019 18:03

He sounds like a total headfuck.
Your friend has really really low standards.

And though I imagine the eg you gave was hypothetical, it makes no sense( on his part). There’s no “reasoning” going on for him to disagree , you’re telling him what happened.

Well done, your instincts are still really good despite your ex. Which means your freedom is on its way! Yay!

Sewrainbow · 12/07/2019 18:04

Ditch him he sounds a twat!

NannyRed · 12/07/2019 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mcmooberry · 12/07/2019 18:11

Haven't RTFT but he sounds highly tedious. Run.

louise5754 · 12/07/2019 18:12

There was a similar post yesterday. Her partner always wanting to debate about what she had said.

Take care OP x

ooooohbetty · 12/07/2019 18:21

He's a lunatic. Dump. Now.

Jux · 12/07/2019 18:25

Savingspaces2019 has the right of it, as do you!

You have no need of this man. There is nowhere in your life where he could be an enhancement.

Dump dump dump.

SuperSue77 · 12/07/2019 18:30

I would not have anything more to do with him. If he is like this so early on I can only seeing it getting much worse down the line. And I’m sure that if you tell him you don’t want to see him again he will come back with criticism of you and put downs - just ignore them and block him. He is a prick, as lots of people on here have said (I’ve not RTFP though) and so you must not take any of it to heart. Good luck with meeting someone nice when the time is right. x

Shockers · 12/07/2019 18:30

He sounds like a pain in the arse!

SuperSue77 · 12/07/2019 18:33

Just read people’s posts about saying “you’re not easy for a relationship” that is a great reason to give as it implies the issue is with you and not him, so hopefully won’t get his back up.

Quickbrownfox77 · 13/07/2019 12:32

He's already trying to manipulate you and the fact that you're second guessing yourself means he has the ability to undermine you. This is the beginning, I've been in a relationship like this and those subtle negative behaviours are a sign of the more destructive ones to come. Ignore, delete, block and wait for someone who allows you to be yourself.

Indie139 · 13/07/2019 20:40

How rude..id ignore him!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread