red flags from guy I'm dating or am I being too sensitive

[Pinespow]

I have been dating recently and found a really nice guy. He's very sweet and we have been taking things quite slow.

I recently split from my ex who was very controlling and left me as a shell of a person - very insecure and very anxious all the time. So I don't know if I'm seeing red flags here when there are none.

I've met up with this guy once - and it was really nice! He often sends me long messages though and I struggle to reply to them all. I've found recently that his messages are becoming more abrupt and tense (if that makes sense). Here's a (very edited!) example;

Guy im dating: so why did you train to become a dancer?

Me: I guess it's because of X, Y and Z, it's something I really enjoy

Him: I disagree with your reasoning there.

it's like everything has to be a debate! He's done this for quite a while so I just tend to ignore his replies that state disagreement - I find it really odd.

This week his messages have been more abrupt. He asked me about an event in the news and I gave my opinion on it - he then called me egotistical and said that he may have to re-arrange meeting up on Friday to next week.

I ignored his comment about being egotistical (even though I was offended) and said "sure, no worries at all".

He replied to me saying "are you sure about that?" and then when I didn't reply to that in the evening he sent a message "I expected a reply to my other messages too".

I panicked a bit and apologized (I know I shouldn't have, working on this in therapy!). He then tried to continue the conversation but I haven't replied yet ... I feel like my heart isn't in it anymore.

I spoke to my friend about this and she said I was overreacting and too sensitive. But something in gut is telling me to run!!

AIBU to think this is red flag behaviour?! And do I need to tell him I don't want to see him again or ignore

big red bunting here. run far and run fast and tell your friend she needs to raise her standards

Thinking on it I'd be worried about the friend too cause sometimes when we have one of these sorts in our life, there's another one lurking about too and they are never slow to tell you to put up with shitty treatment from the other person. I had a best mate and a partner that were the same kind of rotten at the same time. And the mate would always spout stuff like 'boys will be boys'' and looking back if our roles would have been reversed I would have been telling her too run and that his treatment was not ok.

So just be aware of that. It might be that she was just trying to calm your nerves or is the sort who is looking for the best in everyone but...still seems...off, to me that instead of validating 'I understand why you could feel that way' she accused you of being too sensitive. Sounds potentially toxic.

He sounds a fucking night mare!

Tell him you aren't ready for a relationship and wish him all the best then delete his number and block him.

For future reference texting should be reserved imho for short messages and telling someone you're running 5 mins late for a date,it's not a way to get to know someone. Much easier imo to guage when someone is being 'off' face to face.

Good luck for you future OP - but this man should not feature in it! He's trying to control your thoughts from the first date. I wouldn't make contact again and if he contacts you just say you don't think he's right for you, then block .

Agree - he is not good enough for you. You deserve better. Well done for having good gut reactions!

Trust your gut 100%. I work with victims of domestic abuse and its amazing that you're able to be so insightful.
If something feels wrong then it usually is. His responses are very childish and aren't necessarily signs of an abuser... But then hes already trying to emotionally control you.
We're all with you. You're an amazing, strong person who deserves better!

What on earth possessed you to see someone in your own building when you haven't healed properly yet? Well done on spotting the signs, I would definitely message him to say it's too soon for you to date after your last relationship but you wish him all the best. You'll have to keep things upbeat as you're bound to see him in the building.

Oh God just read he lives in your building. Oh wow that's scary. I'm not sure what to advise with this.

Thing is, many controlling men don't take kindly to being dumped. I'm hoping he's just an idiot and will go his own way but to be honest I'm feeling a bit scared for you.

I went out with a guy who told me his ex was a compulsive liar. I took him at his word. He then accused me of lying (I wasn't) and repeatedly told me he would forgive me if I apologised! If this guy is giving out about his ex, there is another side!! Absolutely run. You being ready/not ready is not relevant to this muppet.

Do you often see him in the building?
I hardly ever see my neighbours.

Whether it’s a red flag or not it sounds incredibly tedious, and at this early stage you should absolutely not be battling against your feelings. He isn’t for you, ditch him!

Haven’t read any of the replies but there are more red flags here than the Turkish parliament. Run. Run and don’t look back.

Move. Then maybe your friend. After she’s seen what you went through previously she should also be on high alert not shepherding you in to your next abusive relationship.

He sounds really controlling, like he's training you to give the correct answers. If this is what he is like after one date can you imagine what he would be like to live with. He would question all your choices; do you really like those clothes?; why do you need to see your friends? He would chip away until you were questioning yourself. Dump him now.

He’s a control freak , ditch him.

Just another one to add to the choir of 'dickhead'...you don't need this OP, sounds like you have had a rough time of it and he sounds like a bellend x

Dump. Spend some time on your own after leaving a relationship recently.

Since he is living in the same building I'd give him nice let down to make sure he doesnt go all weird and stalker like. I'd say you realised your not ready to date and not sure if you will ever be ready, and bye.

Agree with giving him a very nice let down. Some men can get very angry when dumped and this guy isn’t shy about telling you when he thinks you’re wrong. I hope he doesn’t pester you but contact the police if he does. And keep your door chain on.

Another one telling you to trust your gut. He sounds dreadful!!!

Yes, at the very least he sounds like an annoying person and potentially quite controlling. I wouldn’t have a second date with him.

My eyebrows shot up at your very first example. Imagine having the gall to tell you something about yourself.

He definitely wants to control you. No charm offensive to start with though. The arrogance is strong in this one.

Does he know where you live in the building?

Right decision to drop him.

I’m really curious to know what you you’d him about why you became a dancer though. How can he possibly dispute your reasoning? They’re your reasons.

He’s a total arsehole!

He's acting the twat.
Your heart is not in it.
You know what to do.
Set him up with your unsupportive friend, they'll make a wonderful pair.