To move DP into mine and DS' home?

[username567]

Not sure of the responses I'll get here.

I've been a single parent since DS was born (he's 2.5), so I got a little home for us when he was born to rent and made it a secure and loving place and always loved the fact that it's just ours.

Met DP and got (very unexpectedly) pregnant within the first few months. We have always intended to move in together before DC2 arrives but it'll be more towards when I'm 32ish weeks so that it wasn't too soon for DS and that's when we'd have savings for deposit and furnishings (as my home was already majoritively furnished) to move in somewhere.
That was always the plan as I thought it'd be better for DS to have this as our home and then move into a new home and have it as us 3 and a new babies home and have it be a bit more time.

Now I'm rethinking and I'm not sure if it's just because of stress.
DS and DP get along great. DP interacts really well with him, DS wants to see him more than me at the minute and he's got a crazy attachment to me!

Should I leave it as the original plan or should I move DP in to our original home in the month or two before we find another home? Would that be easier for everyone? Would it make it harder for DS to have never lived with DP and then have big adjustments including first new home and a new sibling and DP suddenly living there? Would it be hard on me and DP to have never lived together before (somewhere where I'm familiar with all arrangements) and then suddenly have to pay to furnish a home, deposits, rent and manage finances together off the bat? Should it be more eased in?

I'm not sure what's best! I'm just never sure of moving someone into mine and DS's home, I worry that the security he should have there is just me and him.

How long have you been together?

@PutyourtoponTrevor presumably under a year given the fact OP was pregnant ‘within a few months’ and is at least less than 32 weeks pregnant from the post...

Honestly, I wouldn’t move in with him yet at all. You haven’t been together very long, of course you are now having a baby and if it were your first it wouldn’t be such an issue but you have your toddler to consider too. It will be such an upheaval moving home, moving DP in and also getting a new sibling in a matter of months. I’d put him first, stay where you are and consider DP moving in when you know each other a little better.

What would be the financial arrangements for both scenarios?

Personally I'd stay where you are, don't move your DP in & see how you get along once the baby is here.

It's v risky to let go of your house, have a baby & move in with someone you haven't known long, particularly as you already have a child.

@PutyourtoponTrevor yes, under a year, although knew him for a while before too.

@Nanny0gg what do you mean, sorry?

I agree with @Nquartz ... stay out for now and just see how things go when the baby is here.

If you all move in together and then you and DP don't stay together, what would happen with you, the baby, and your toddler?

Definitely give it some more time before all moving in together

@ChangesAt30 what would happen as in what?

Would he pay half rent and bills in your house?

Who's name would be on the tenancy if you moved?

@Nanny0gg he'd be paying more than half as I only work part time (26 hours) and either my name or both.

As you have not been together long I would suggest leaving living arrangements as they are. Everything could turn out fantastically but I think there is too much to risk and nothing to lose by waiting another year before deciding. If you don’t work you will be financially relying on your DP, if you do you will be partially reliant on him during maternity leave and this isn’t something I would consider with a man I did not know incredibly well and had not been with long term/was married to. A new baby and moving in together puts a lot of strain on an established relationship never mind a fairly new one. You could find yourself in a very precarious situation, without the funds to extract yourself and your children if it was not going well.

That's what I was thinking, too soon

I also agree that it's too soon even with a baby. If you don't stay together it'll be such a huge upheaval for your son if he moves in.

Why don’t you understand questions about financial arrangements and what would happen if you split? Is it naivety or are you being purposefully obtuse?

@DrinkFeckArseGirls just don't understand what there is to understand! I'd be living in whichever house we rented with 2 kids and I'd be in a similar arrangement to what I am now living on my own with 1 child?

If we moved in together I just wouldn't be relying on government for top ups to pay rent and childcare, we'd be managing financially as a couple (and surely that's the better option)?

If your current home is big enough I would stay put OP. Too much upheaval for your DS otherwise, plus if things do go wrong between you and your DP it'll be easier to chuck him out if your everything's in your name. Good luck with everything.

@username567 I think the other posters are just looking further into it. Examples:

Would you and DP be putting in 50/50 each? Or a fraction of what you earn?

What happens if you and DP separate? Could you afford to live in the bigger house on your own? If not, would it be easy for you to uproot your soon (again) and new baby to move to a smaller, affordable house.

I think moving house, moving do in and having a new baby is too much for ds to handle. I would stay put in your old house for a while, let dp contribute to the costs and see how it goes.

Stay in your own place until you know it’s going to work out. Having a baby and moving house are two of the most stressful things you can do - adding that to moving in together for the first time is madness.

Well it's very soon *OP". I get your pregnant but you've known your do less than a year and 32 weeks pregnant. So you'll have a new baby, a new house 'guest' and a new home for you did.

That's a lot of upheaval for your ds.

Well that post went wrong 😂

Completely understand everyone's points.

Unfortunately, where we are now is too small so we'd most likely be moving anyway very shortly.
If we separate, it'd definitely be me and children staying in the new house (I thought this was a given in any split!). We did discuss that just in case but I assumed anyway!

I agree, far too soon to be talking about living together.

The needs of your existing DC must take priority here.

Stay put (living on your own) then reassess in a year or so.

Too soon, stay as you are for now

If we separate, it'd definitely be me and children staying in the new house (I thought this was a given in any split!). We did discuss that just in case but I assumed anyway!

If it’s in joint names that’s not as simple as it seems - he could refuse to leave and you’d be stuck. Can you afford it alone? Have you discussed where you both stand on disciplining DC?

I’d known my DH for years when we moved in together, and our children were all preschool/primary school rather than toddler and baby and it was still an extremely difficult time trying to adjust.

x post, ok, so move into your new place (you, DS and new baby) and see how you get on.

Please think of your DS, he only has you to advocate for him.

How do you think he will feel with your new DP and your new baby in his life pushing him out ?

I'm sure you're going to reply saying how well DP and DS get on, treats him like he's his own etc, but the reality is you barely know this man.

Its too much of a risk to take, and you will lose nothing at all by waiting a while before thinking about living together.