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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT return MILs calls?

153 replies

ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:25

PIL got back off holiday 2 days ago

Yesterday I received 3 missed calls and a voicemail saying she was calling for a chat and a catch up.

My DH has received NO missed calls!!

I made DH call her back, WIBU for not calling her back myself, despite the fact that she’s not even my mother!!

OP posts:
NoSauce · 10/07/2019 22:28

Do you normally chat on the phone, does she normally arrange coming round with you? I’ve no idea what your set up is and whether she didn’t phone her son because he was at work or whatever.

Seems a bit petty tbh.

Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:28

Sorry, my post doesn’t really cover much!

My dh is more than capable of talking in the phone, but she always calls me! To ask if the dc are okay, if they can come visit, to generally tell me about their week.

They never call dh! Their own son!!

I think she thinks that because I’m female I like to ‘chat’... I don’t! I rarely chat to anyone on the phone, including my own dm

OP posts:
NoSauce · 10/07/2019 22:29

Stop answering the phone in future, she’ll be forced to phone her son then!

Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:30

I work full time, dh works part time and is home more than I am.

It might seem petty, but why doesn’t she at least try to call him?! It’s always me! I’m the default contact for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:31

That’s why there were 3 missed calls and a voicemail, I refused to answer. But you’d think she’d then try dh’s phone?!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/07/2019 22:32

Use this opportunity to get DH to phone her back, if he wants to, or answer and hand the phone straight to him. If you want your own relationship with her that’s one thing but if you don’t and she wants to discuss the DC or stuff not about you personally then refer her to her son.

It’s amazing how many women decide to stop facilitating contact between their husbands and their in-laws only to realise husband wasn’t that fussed.

NoSauce · 10/07/2019 22:32

Maybe she likes you, maybe she wants to forge a relationship with you? Who knows. If it’s really bothering you just swerve her calls.

Singlenotsingle · 10/07/2019 22:35

I'm glad my ddil isn't like you! She and I phone, text and visit. We've got keys to each others houses and an open invitation to visit. I'd be quite nervous if you were my ddil. My DS occasionally calls or messages, but men aren't very communicative - a generalization I know, but still...

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/07/2019 22:38

Are you my MIL @single?🤣

Singlenotsingle · 10/07/2019 22:39

mrsElijah Grin

Cherrysoup · 10/07/2019 22:40

Wife work? Get dh to contact her and tell her to phone him, not you. Does your mum phone him? I bet she doesn’t.

Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:40

@Singlenotsingle so in that respect you’re saying it’s okay for my dm to have a son in law like my husband, who never talks to her because he’s male and not very communicative?

However, I am a shit dil because I too am not very communicative?

OP posts:
Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:41

I said that to him @Cherrysoup, that if he doesn’t call him dm I will get my dm to call him!

OP posts:
cuppycakey · 10/07/2019 22:42

Agree this smacks of wifework.

Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:42

It is fucking wife work and that’s what annoys me!

Doesn’t matter what type of relationship I have with mil... we have a good one! But she should at least try to attempt to call her own son!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/07/2019 22:43

Singlenotsingle was it your sexist parenting that made you bring your son up to be uncommunicative?

NoSauce · 10/07/2019 22:43

If you keep taking her calls she will keep phoning you, it’s not fair if you’re at work all day, she should ring DH. I suppose it’s nice in a way that she rings you, you must have a good relationship and are pretty friendly?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 10/07/2019 22:44

Pity you didn't raise a more considerate son @Singlenotsingle

YANBU I've dropped all communications with the ILs. My DH just isn't bothered about the relationships with his family so why was I bothering to push it?!

Mascarponeandwine · 10/07/2019 22:45

Yep it’s the womensfolk responsibility to do all the communicating and arrangements to facilitate the poor mensfolk who are tired after working their very important jobs all week.

My MIL is the same.

NoSauce · 10/07/2019 22:45

Doesn’t matter what type of relationship I have with mil... we have a good one! But she should at least try to attempt to call her own son!

Would DH know if it was ok for PILs to call round on Thursday at 6pm? Or whether you wanted to go for Sunday lunch next week? Would he have to refer to you for the answer?

NoSauce · 10/07/2019 22:47

She was ringing for a chat and a catch up which isn’t wifework imo, it’s being friendly.

Ginger1982 · 10/07/2019 22:49

Hmm, my MIL always calls DH, never me. We have a great relationship but she would just always call him. I would probably quite like it if she did call me. You see so many horror stories about MILs on here that I think it's nice you have one who wants to engage with you.

Singlenotsingle · 10/07/2019 22:50

Birds of a feather ScrambledToe . The woman's trying to be friendly, trying to create a family relationship. Presumably you haven't got dc yet? If you and MiL are on good terms it makes life so much easier.

Original poster
ScrambledToe · 10/07/2019 22:50

It is being friendly, but why doesn’t she not want to chat and catch up with her son?

OP posts:
LucilleBluth · 10/07/2019 22:50

Can't she just like you as a person. This thread is very sad imo....and a bit weird.