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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to sign the baby congratulations card

161 replies

ApricotSky · 10/07/2019 21:46

A work colleague has just given birth to her son and a card is going around the office. I have politely declined to sign it and my work colleagues are saying I’m being harsh.

The context is that a few months ago I lost my own son a week after he was born. My team members got me a card and flowers and all signed it - except her. (She was there when the card was going around and apparently just kept avoiding signing it/contributing). She is the only one who hasn’t made any reference to my loss since I returned to work - not even a mumbled ‘sorry for your sad news’ which even the office intern who I had only met once managed. I have had two previous stillborns and she said nothing then either.

Before she went on maternity leave she would talk loudly about her pregnancy right over me, but never directly to me. It was weird and pretty upsetting. In fact, she never actually told me she was pregnant, just waited for it to be obvious. I do understand it might have felt awkward when she knew about my situation but I can’t forgive her for saying nothing at all.

AIBU to opt out of celebrating her joy when she had zero care for my tragedy?

OP posts:
Sparadrap · 11/07/2019 14:16

Please don’t waste your energy on thinking about this card. It’s completely understandable why you wouldn’t sign it. Don’t give it any more thought.

I’m so sorry for your 3 losses Flowers

CrohnicallyEarly · 11/07/2019 15:04

Those of you who are excusing the colleague because it’s hard to hear about a baby dying when you are pregnant, do the maths.

OP’s baby died in September last year. It’s now July. Unless the colleague has been pregnant for 10 months, colleague wasn’t even pregnant when OP’s baby died.

OP, I am so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, and to have colleagues making a fuss over something that should be completely voluntary is ridiculous.

Durgasarrow · 11/07/2019 16:25

to hell with her

SteelDrumSoul · 09/11/2021 04:15

This is really upsetting. I am often surprised at the selfishness of people when others face unimaginable grief.

Porcupineintherough · 09/11/2021 06:40

Who told you she was there when the card for you was going round but refused to sign/contribute out of interest? It seems a strange thing to notice and a conversation to have had.

Ponoka7 · 09/11/2021 06:47

This is an old thread from 2019.

Still1nLove · 09/11/2021 06:53

Oh ffs! 🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️

Cam2020 · 09/11/2021 07:06

YANBU at all, but perhaps she had anxiety over her pregnancy and found your loss difficult to face, rather then being a bitch?

The people BU though, are the colleagues that told you she made excuses not to sign your card and who are criticising you for not wanting to sign hers - shit stirrers.

CounsellorTroi · 09/11/2021 07:16

I’m so sorry for your losses. Of course YANBU not to sign the card.

User527294627 · 09/11/2021 07:47

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

Don't feel obliged to do anything. You don't owe her a thing. Anyone putting pressure on you is a prick.

Weatherwax13 · 09/11/2021 07:55

I'm so deeply sorry for your losses OP. I've lost a child, much older than your little ones, and I still can't forgive anyone who did me wrong after that.
YANBU at all.
Tbh if I were you, I'd be looking for another job. You work with some seriously awful people there and it makes me furious actually to think of you being treated with anything other than compassion. I wish you nothing but the best, from one mother to another.

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