The backstory would take forever to type out so I will try to condense it. Sibling with mental health issues combined with a difficult and aggressive personality. Unable to manage life, money etc. Long term claimant of benefits and not at all motivated to find work. Very complex, lots of issues, all very sad. Sibling sees me, ‘responsible’ full time employed sister, as a safety net when it comes to finances. I live overseas halfway around the world (largely to escape difficult family, including this person).
I have lost track of how many requests for money I have given into over the years. Must run into several thousands of pounds.
Most recently I received a call at work and was asked for over £500 to pay a bailiff - for outstanding TV license fees - or sibling would be arrested due to breach of court repayment agreement. Sibling’s distressed child in background whilst bailiff was standing there threatening to take his computer away, so I felt I had no option but to pay.
Anyway, the immediate matter in hand - this evening a request from my sibling for money for my nephew’s end of year prom. No idea if this is true (history of lying about the reasons for asking for money).
The issue is, I do have the money. I could easily afford to send it. I don’t want my nephew to miss out on his prom. I know sibling doesn’t realistically have anyone else to ask. But how does this become my responsibility?! Every time I hand over money I say never again but then another request - just like this one - comes along and I’m back to the beginning.
I know that if I say no, sibling will use her kids as emotional blackmail - will threaten to cut off contact etc. I could happily never see this sibling again but I love her kids. I also know if I say no I’m going to get a whole heap of abuse (usually by email).
But I have had a lifetime of this, no end in sight. I have developed my own mental health issues related to family and every time this happens it is very triggering, which also makes me think I’m reacting disproportionately. Not sure if I’m just reacting emotively.
AIBU to say no to this request for money and block my sibling’s email? (She would never have credit to telephone me so email is her only way to communicate).
Thanks for reading this far if you made it to the end!