Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A generation waiting to inherit

373 replies

Okaydoklay · 10/07/2019 16:43

With house prices being so high, are we creating a generation of people who home ownership is out of their grasp, and those who have wealthier parents , they are all waiting for their parents to pass to ever be able to afford their own home.

OP posts:
GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 17/07/2019 06:11

@WBWIFE You are really lucky. But I'm sure you realise that.

WBWIFE · 17/07/2019 06:25

@GirlRaisedInTheSouth yes very lucky. My dad is old fashioned and always told me never to rent and to invest in property.

Plus in his words if I stayed and saved for a mortgage he'd be permanently getting rid of me as I'd be tied into a mortgage, because when my sisters had rented they had always come back to live at home in between tenancies 😂

Dandelion1993 · 17/07/2019 06:55

@Oliversmunsarmy

Our whole county is pricy. We'd have to move hours away to afford a 2 bed flat and with DHs job that isn't an option.

To move away like that, he'd have to also find a new warehouse and office space to rent/buy adding more costs to the whole thing.

Oblomov19 · 17/07/2019 08:07

Goodness. Unlike a pp I don't have £200k saved. I only have savings for both ds's but it's like 10, no more, each. And that's not even enough to be a deposit!

Oblomov19 · 17/07/2019 08:10

I assume most 50 year olds will use all their equity, or most for nursing care. I assume for many children, there won't be most a lot left.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 17/07/2019 08:11

@gingerbreadspeinkle who else was supposed to be there? The relatives who lived with my grandmother? The rest of us who were spending all our time there helping in between our own lives? (Because we still have to work!) Who "failed" anyone here?

IrmaFayLear · 17/07/2019 09:29

I can see the attraction of gingerbreadspeinkle's set up. There are many Indian families where I live and they buy/build very large houses to accommodate several generations. Obviously costs are reduced when there are more people in a family unit, and of course there is child care/illness care/end of life care.

However, the burden very much falls to the women - non-working women. This model will only continue to work if there is a continuing supply of women who are happy with this arrangement.

I do see gingerbread's point in that Westerners are going to have to have a lifestyle rethink in order to compete with "tribes", but at the moment the thought of giving up home, career and life in order to care for in-laws - aaarrrrrgggghhhhh !!!

Alsohuman · 17/07/2019 09:35

Exactly. Not going to happen. And who would want their kids to sacrifice their lives to look after their elderly relatives? Not me. That’s what money’s for.

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 09:46

That's not actually how it works.

The older generation lived together so grandparents and great aunts and great uncles, they were a mix of retired in their 60s-70s. They pitched in with the food shopping and grandchildren watching. All of their kids worked, including all of the daughters. They were all immigrants so had to get jobs where they could.

The grandchildren grew older as did their kids. Their kids are in their 60s now retired, and they take care of the older generation in the 80s-90s with dementia and without. The grandchildren pitch in and all of these people have their own place (with exception of the one with dementia) where the grandchildren and children go daily to check on them. Because the children were so successful (millionaires) thanks to their parents help, they pay for all the older generation's bills and accomodation.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2019 09:57

Ok tell that to all the immigrant children from the east who become successful doctors, lawyers, and engineers with millions. I'm sure they all hate their lives

Actually saw a programme about immigrants from a particular area of the world a few years ago. The programme was about something else but it did interview some people to show their background.

The over riding feeling was these people had wanted to do something else with their lives but were forced down the doctor/accountant route and all came across as deeply unhappy with their lives.

It was quite heartbreaking to watch. I wouldn’t have wanted their lives.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/07/2019 10:03

My previous experience of families like this @ Oliversmumsarmy was of deeply unhappy people in their 20's who had no control over their lives and felt trapped by cultural expectations, men and women.

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 10:09

The over riding feeling was these people had wanted to do something else with their lives but were forced down the doctor/accountant route and all came across as deeply unhappy with their lives.

It was quite heartbreaking to watch. I wouldn’t have wanted their lives.

I'm a mix so I've seen both sides. I would say the western way can be far more cruel. My dad's side (west) penny pinched when it came to their children and their children suffered in real ways. My mum's side (east) was realistic, they weren't going to encourage their kids to pursue careers in underwater basket weaving, they just wanted them to be able to take care of themselves. If people aren't realistic with their children then they are doing them a disservice. Not everyone is going to make it in Hollywood, and if you can get the degree, what's wrong with being an accountant? Better to be an accountant with your own home and family, then a wannabe actor turned barista in a damp flat share.

CountFosco · 17/07/2019 10:18

Because of changes to inheritance tax and the new main residence allowance a married couple could leave up to £1M after 2020 and not pay IHT - see here.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2019 11:02

Not everyone is going to make it in Hollywood, and if you can get the degree, what's wrong with being an accountant

Because deep down they will be unhappy people.

The people on this programme weren’t happy or successful. They didn’t live in great places. It was the acceptance that they got up went to work and sat doing something they didn’t want to do for the next 45 years and then they died.

Dd has a career in a very precarious profession but is so grateful I didn’t insist on a degree like her friends parents. She is having an amazing time and earning whilst her friends are stuck at uni running up debt.

Dp had parents who sent him down the sensible route.

He has never been truly happy and it probably has shortened his life. He is terminally ill in his early 60s and so disappointed with how his life has turned out.

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 11:18

Because deep down they will be unhappy people.

The same could be said for people who pursue dream careers that don't pan out and they are unable to support themselves. It's not black and white. It's all subjective and not everyone puts the utmost life importance on their job. Some people see it as a means to an end (£). Many people go through various careers in their lifetimes. If everyone only did what they loved where would we get plumbers or other people to do the physically gruelling work? Immigrants see it differently and culturally that may be hard to understand but that doesn't mean it's wrong. I'm very happy that we have immigrants who see the importance of stability so they come to bolster the NHS.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2019 12:22

The same could be said for people who pursue dream careers that don't pan out

That is based on a decision they made and are in control of their life.
Not a decision that was forced on them in the first place by someone who needed to be in control of their life

The ones who have the decision forced on them are not happy from day 1

Why do you think people don’t freely chose plumbing as a career. Ds is training in a trade. He loves his career. It is his first choice.

amusedbush · 17/07/2019 12:27

DH and I have just inherited his granny's house so we own it outright. It is a life changing event - we didn't think we'd be able to buy a house for years yet (we're both 29).

Both of my parents (well into their 50s) still have parents around and one of my grannies is about to go into a care home, so there will be little to no inheritance there. It's nice if you can get it but definitely not something to be relied on.

transformandriseup · 17/07/2019 12:33

Gingerbread has mentioned extended families living together which may not be practical for a lot of houses in the UK.

Surely houses are bigger and cheaper in the US? Even in San Francisco.

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 12:37

Why do you think people don’t freely chose plumbing as a career. Ds is training in a trade. He loves his career. It is his first choice.

This isn't any different for immigrants. Most are influenced to go towards what is practical. I would say from personal experience it is very rare for a parent to say to a child that they are only 'allowed' to become an accountant. I have never seen that. What I have seen is parents very involved in their children's education and strengths then helping them in to practical careers. Sometimes they know that their children aren't able to achieve as much academically so they help them with family businesses. Like I said it's more about having a "tribe" to help each other out.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2019 12:48

I would say from personal experience it is very rare for a parent to say to a child that they are only 'allowed' to become an accountant

I was allowed to choose between Nursing or working in a bank. (Immigrant family)

Dp was forced down one route. (Non immigrant family)

I managed 6 weeks in a bank before walking out. Nursing was out of the question because I hate ill people.

Nc with my family.

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 12:53

Surely houses are bigger and cheaper in the US? Even in San Francisco

My family left Russia then moved to Iran during WWII. My mum shared a room with her siblings and extended family in Iran. When they moved to the US, later more extended family came as refugees. When you're a refugee you have to sacrifice. I knew a family that converted a double garage in a 3 bedroom house that became a bedroom to 6 daughters. A couple years ago I saw listings on Craigslist where people were converting their lounges to bedrooms and one where somebody put a sleeping bag in a corridor. My family has become very very successful by helping each other and I have seen other families make this sacrifice when bringing extended family over from war torn countries. I'm not saying that I would expect westerners to go to such extremes that are necessary for people who are trying to survive and hustle like immigrants in a foreign country but I think some lessons could be taken from other cultures that help each other. There's more focus on the collective good in other countries rather than the utmost importance of the individual. I also feel as people from other countries become richer it's going to make it harder for younger people in the west to achieve milestones like owning a home unless they get similar help from their families.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 17/07/2019 17:57

My cultural community would see it as offensive if we put our family member in a care home because of everything she has done for us. That does not mean your mother has done anything wrong, it just means your mother has been failed by her "tribe".
We all love her because she was a daily presence in our lives and we could never see her being shoved in to a care home.

I find this highly offensive. You seem to be sneering at what you perceive to be selfish Westerners failing their elderly family members when you have no idea of the challenges some of us face. And how dare you imply that others don't love or care for those relatives!

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 18:09

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess

Go back and re-read the first sentence. There's no point in me repeating myself.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 17/07/2019 18:16

What, the one where you make another sweeping generalisation about too many old people being selfish?

gingerbreadsprinkle · 17/07/2019 18:19

What, the one where you make an other sweeping generalisation about too many old people being selfish?

Honey, I'm not your English teacher so if you can't understand that many =/= all then I can't help you with your reading comprehension skills.