A generation waiting to inherit

[Okaydoklay]

With house prices being so high, are we creating a generation of people who home ownership is out of their grasp, and those who have wealthier parents , they are all waiting for their parents to pass to ever be able to afford their own home.

It really is relevant. You haven’t got any yet, have you?

I do.

The problem is that a lot of children think they have a right to their parent(s) money even when they are alive and they persist in leeching off them.

But their ages are a state secret. OK.

But their ages are a state secret. OK.

Can't you argue the content of an idea rather than try to make it personal? It's not open minded to be obsessed with trying to "win" an argument rather than being willing to discuss the topic. If you don't believe that many other cultures work this way, then you are more than free to Google it. My personal anecdote is a drop in the bucket that has existed for thousands of years.

Actually use of care homes is rocketing in many cultures (albeit from a low base). Something to do with more money around and women getting more say so about being carers.

Actually use of care homes is rocketing in many cultures (albeit from a low base). Something to do with more money around and women getting more say so about being carers.

Many cultures find the idea of care homes offensive. If we put our family in a care home we would be "shamed" by our community. My grandmother acted as carer for her grandchildren and she had many children who all pitch in to take care of her now that she is in her 90s, so she never has to worry about her future.

The logic is that it’s a delightful idea. And totally impractical. Young adults want their own homes. Women have to work, they don’t have the time, skills or inclination to look after frail, elderly relatives. It’s completely impractical and it seems to me that only someone relatively young and naive would think it would work.

I’m 48. My mil in very ill. We will likely inherit in the next two years. Horrible to say but it’s inevitable. My parents are in good health so hopefully will be with us ten more years at least in which case I’ll be in my late 59’s/60.

It’s will be my children that benefit as we own a home already.

If I take care of my grandkids, the social contract is that I am taken care of.
You may find that social contract is not enforceable.

Re dementia/ end of life care, some relatives do actually want everything possible done to keep someone going, no matter how pitiful the state they're in, and get very upset or angry if anyone suggests that it might be kinder to,let nature take its course. So I think medics are sometimes reluctant to suggest it. (I can't help thinking of DM-type headlines - 'Callous doctors wanted our mum to die!')

Equally I think relatives may often be wary of questioning medics, since they think they must know best. But if you don't agree with 'striving to keep alive' I do think you have to say so.

A childless aunt of mine, mid 80s with pretty bad dementia, suffered recurrent UTIs and after the umpteenth, was refusing food and drink.

She was in a (very nice) care home, and I was asked whether I wanted her taken to hospital for drips, or left where she was, basically to die.

I could only ask the lovely GP hat he'd do if it were his much loved aunt. He said that since it was only going to happen again, probably quite soon, he'd leave her where she was, in familiar surroundings (hospital is a terrible place for anyone with dementia anyway) where they'd keep her comfortable.

It was a horrible decision, but I knew my aunt would not have wanted to be kept going in that state. She drifted away quite peacefully about a week later.

The logic is that it’s a delightful idea. And totally impractical. Young adults want their own homes. Women have to work, they don’t have the time, skills or inclination to look after frail, elderly relatives. It’s completely impractical and it seems to me that only someone relatively young and naive would think it would work.

It does work. I grew up in the bay area of California, an area of many immigrants from East Asia, India, and the Middle East (I live in the UK now). There were many many families who did this and still do this. My family moved to the US and we're able to start out as immigrants with nothing while living together to property moguls with many businesses just by putting their money together while my grandmother provided childcare. My grandmother is in her 90s now, her children are in their 60s, and her grandchildren range from 20s to 30s. There are so many of us and we are all involved with her care. We all love her because she was a daily presence in our lives and we could never see her being shoved in to a care home.

This op has gone off course as but but for the record neither my self or my dh intend to send mil to a home. We are coping currently and will continue to care and cope until we need medical help Hopefully that would be only for a short time and would try very hard to keep her at home

It may work in your culture. In the UK, in the 21st century, it’s not viable.

@gingerbreadsprinkle

Totally agree with you.

Too many people want to have their cake (and biscuits) and eat them!

Want to inherit your parents' or grandparents' money, then have them at your home or their own homes and look after them.

Don't want to do that, then the money should go towards themselves either for pleasure or towards care home fees.

Why should the money be passed to relatives and then the state has to use scarce resources to pay care home costs. Resources that should go towards the destitute and truly vulnerable in our society.

Unfortunately people can't see that instead squawking about they saved all their money to pass on to children. What about seeing to your own needs before you die? They are quick to berate benefit scrougers, and tax avoidance without seeing that they are planning to do the same thing in old age.

You don’t agree with her @Missangrypants, read her post properly. Incidentally I completely agree with you.

It may work in your culture. In the UK, in the 21st century, it’s not viable.

Unfortunately probably not but I think that's due to too many people perpetuating an obsession with greed and selfishness rather than focusing on coming together and caring about each other's circumstances.

Things will have to change though. There are too many external influences in the housing market now, so unless people start caring for each other in families then most people in younger generations will fall to poverty and never own a home. Rich people from overseas will probably end up owning most property.

I'd run like hell if I was one of your children @gingerbreadsprinkle.

Caring for an elderly relative, especially when dementia is involved, may be all very well if there's plenty of extended family close by to pitch in.

But all too often, in the U.K., families are scattered and the load falls largely on just one person - so often a woman - or on a couple.

As anyone who's done it will know, caring for someone with dementia, 24/7, is no joke. It can be, and very often is, unbelievably stressful and exhausting, particularly if the person is up and down half the night, banging and shouting and demanding to go out at 3 am, like my FiL did. Such scenarios are all too common.

Having been through all this twice, with my FiL and my mother, I have no hesitation in saying that a good care home - yes, they do exist - is often the best place for someone to get the 24/7 care and supervision they need, and by that I mean someone on hand ALL day, ALL night, 365 days a year.

Not read the thread but yet, dh and I are struggling to buy, plan to have bought before we're 40. And my parents will leave us enough to buy outright but we could be 60+ by then so we plan to make sure that skips us and goes to our kids as house deposits and advise them that their kids inherit from us so it always skips a generation iyswim.

I'd run like hell if I was one of your children

Ok tell that to all the immigrant children from the east who become successful doctors, lawyers, and engineers with millions. I'm sure they all hate their lives

Just because it's culturally different from you does not mean it's worse.

@Alsohuman

Yes I see. I don't expect children never to leave home!

Nothing to do with immigrant children of any generation gingerbread sprinkle. My parents didn't decide on my childcare and they aren't deciding how I spend my later life. I love my family but I'm independent.

Nothing to do with immigrant children of any generation gingerbread sprinkle. My parents didn't decide on my childcare and they aren't deciding how I spend my later life. I love my family but I'm independent.

Ok you put ultimate importance on yourself whereas others are more "tribal". Unfortunately as I said, the individuals will have to compete with the tribes as the world becomes more global. It's like when you used to be able to buy a house on 1 income, then women entered the workforce and you needed 2. The same will happen as east and west become more integrated, people will need their tribe in an economic sense. It's already begun with the bank of mum and dad.

I would say from your decision to plan your children's whole lifes that it may be you who has seen yourself as ultimately most important @gingerbreadsprinkle. Even in families people who love each other have different needs and wants.

Yes I see. I don't expect children never to leave home!

That's a very simplistic view. As I said my family were immigrants with very little who lived together as they put money together to open up businesses, this led to them all buying property, then multiple properties, etc. They all moved out when they were able to buy a house but as immigrants starting with basically nothing and nearly no English, they accomplished far more than many natives because they did it together.