A generation waiting to inherit

[Okaydoklay]

With house prices being so high, are we creating a generation of people who home ownership is out of their grasp, and those who have wealthier parents , they are all waiting for their parents to pass to ever be able to afford their own home.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

If a care home is the best place then that's where they should be.

But so many older people will get dementia, that to expect to be in a good care home paid for by the state, while sitting on a large or substantial asset pile waiting to be handed out as inheritances to relatives, is unconscionable.

But if they have savings then

I would say from your decision to plan your children's whole lifes that it may be you who has seen yourself as ultimately most important @gingerbreadsprinkle. Even in families people who love each other have different needs and wants.

Planning my children's lives in the sense that they and their children are taken care of is something that many cultures value. Maybe it's not seen as important where some older people would rather piss it all away on cruises as their kids can't keep up with paying slumlords, if that's your definition of selflessness then I think that's just silly.

Ignore last sentence. Need to proofread better!

The problem is that a lot of children think they have a right to their parent(s) money even when they are alive and they persist in leeching off them.

That's us, if I'm honest. We have had to be bailed out on a few occasions by PIL when things have got tough or we've had an unexpected expense. And my god do they begrudge it, in spite of being very wealthy.

I can't help feeling that if they'd helped DH to get on the property ladder at the beginning of adulthood then we wouldn't be in this position now, stuck in expensive rented accommodation with no savings. PIL had it easy. They bought in the 1960s when you could buy a house for the equivalent of a year's salary. Nowadays, that same house would require a £1M salary. We don't earn anywhere near that. Still they blame us for not having our own home.

Both DH and I are ill with stress-related conditions due to money problems, I doubt we will outlive PIL to be honest.

If you’ve worked for over 40 years for a comfortable retirement and can afford to “piss your money away on cruises” while still providing for care home fees, I’d say you bloody well deserve it.

I have no expectations and after the hard life, my parents had I loved it when they were finally comfortable enough to have some holidays.

Very naive to assume that taking care of your grandchildren for free will mean they in turn look after you in old age. I wouldn't count on that one!

Dh I guess is. He's mid 50s now and his mum is late 70s.

Dh has no pension and shrugs this off, says he will inherit. But of course it could go on home fees yet.

She could live to be 100 too.

Exactly. Dh could die before her.

DH and I are early babyboomers. We had to downsize to a cheaper home prior to retirement due to ill health, redundancy etc. In the fairly cheap north, we have a nice, paid for house. We haven't great pensions, but enough to live without being extravagant. No cruises for example! We inherited a small sum from ILs, nothing from my DM who was widowed quite young.

Our DC in their forties own far more valuable, large properties, and have far better incomes than we had. I'd still like them to have the money from house that we scrimped for when they were growing up. Even though they may not need it, we have DGC. It might help with their student loans, or as a deposit when they need their own home.

Our estate will be relatively small, and if one or both of us need care, it will disappear completely.

I don't know anyone expecting an inheritance either. I think the idea hat inheriting or not will open up a chasm between otherwise similar people is false because it's not just amount, it's timescale. I know 2 people who inherited substantial amounts in their 30s because their parents both sadly died young. I may well inherit a similar amount, but not until I'm 60. So for the next 25 years they are able to live in a nicer house than me and buy a holiday home not because their parents were better off than mine but because of bad luck.

Well I'm 24 and bought my first house aged 20 in Bristol for 145k on a combined wgae with my partner of 30 - we did it up and sold nearly 2 years later.

Wasn't the area I wanted or the home I wanted forever but got me on the ladder and I've bought twice since the first house to get my forever home.

We didn't get given a penny and saved damn hard for our home.. Whilst our friends were out partying and spending money on materialistic things such as clothes and shoes, and latest tech and had car finance etc to pay, we were boring and stayed in watching a film, with a cheap takeaway as a treat which we picked up in our old banger of a car that we had bought outright.

Most of my friends are now trying to save for a house or are considering moving back home to live with parents from rented to save. I wouldn't say Bristol was cheap though but I was lucky to get in the market when I did for what I did

We are doing alright now though and have upgraded the car thankfully and can afford a date night out of the house haha.

30k salary*

My partner wasn't 30. He was 20 too!

"We all love her because she was a daily presence in our lives and we could never see her being shoved in to a care home."

So anyone who has to make the hard decision to put a much loved parent or grandparent into a care home (you know, because they need care) is "shoving" them into one?
I'll be sure to let my mother, who after almost killing herself trying to provide my grandmother who has alzheimer's and dementia with the 24 hour care she now needs, know what a terrible daughter she is for "shoving" her mum into a home, as though she isn't already sick with guilt.

Hopefully your perfect family will never face such a dilemma.

missangrypants it’s impossible for someone to be state funded in a care home whilst sitting on this mythical huge pile of assets that the lazy children are waiting to inherit whilst the taxpayer looks after their mum and dad.

The threshold for state funded social care is £23,250 in assets / savings, at which point a portion of costs are funded by the local authority until resources are depleted to £14,250 from which point care becomes fully funded. For residential care, this includes the value of your home if you go into residential care for more than 12 weeks and do not have a spouse or other dependent living in the property. If you’re going to say that they just transfer the assets then pop her in, again sorry to disappoint but there are laws and penalties to prevent that too.

gingerbreadsprinkle as someone with very little family in this country I can’t identify with the support network you describe. I was forced to put my mum in a care home because I couldn’t cope myself, I don’t feel like you are able to identify with how that has felt so would appreciate it if you might take into consideration other people’s situations before judging that “shoving” people into care homes is “offensive”.

@WBWIFE, You were very lucky to get a 145k mortgage on a joint income of 30k! Also, how did you manage to save the deposit whilst also (presumably) paying rent?

Hopefully your perfect family will never face such a dilemma.

We do care for a family member with dementia. My argument is that we all need our tribe. My cultural community would see it as offensive if we put our family member in a care home because of everything she has done for us. That does not mean your mother has done anything wrong, it just means your mother has been failed by her "tribe". Your mother needed more people around to help. This is why I personally like big families where first, second, and third cousins keep in contact to help one another. I understand this is not the norm everywhere but I think it would be good if we all became closer rather than everyone looking out for him or herself. That's what I have been trying to say with my posts but I'm sure people will take what I say out of context so they can win something in their minds rather than trying to discuss this East Vs West cultural perspective.

gingerbreadsprinkle as someone with very little family in this country I can’t identify with the support network you describe. I was forced to put my mum in a care home because I couldn’t cope myself, I don’t feel like you are able to identify with how that has felt so would appreciate it if you might take into consideration other people’s situations before judging that “shoving” people into care homes is “offensive”.

It is very very difficult to deal with life in general when family is spread out. This is a relatively new development that has become commonplace so I understand it is unbelievably challenging. As I have said I live in the UK now but every day I think about moving back to be closer to my family because it is so hard. My family has taken it in turns when it comes to taking care of our older family members so right now my cousin has taken over but previously I had been doing it with my mum for years. Also I think I worded that confusingly, what I was trying to say is we would be judged if we did that. Our culture is very much one where everyone kind of knows everyone in the same general areas so we would be "shamed" if we didn't take care of our family after all the sacrifices they made. My mum cares so so much about what people would say about her in this community.

I can understand where you’re coming from, thanks for clarifying. But please don’t think that I don’t feel a sense of failure just because I’m from the U.K., there was just nothing more that I could do. I’m glad that you value the family you have and support you provide for each other, it must mean a lot to you and to your older family members to have each other to turn to.

I'm reading all the posts here and some are very sad in a way. I know nobody wants to put a beloved relative in a care home but if there isn't a support network, it's very difficult to cope alone. Dementia is a huge problem, many sufferers are physically active, strong, wilful and do reckless things; no one can be expected to watch them 24/7. I don't believe anyone should feel guilty about them being in a home; what they can do is see them often and make sure they are well looked after.

I (& husband) only have one child who will be forty soon. Who knows what will happen to us. He loves us and will do his best but we want him to live his life and he travels a lot for his work. Ideally we would like him to have a decent inheritance but anything could happen. We just live in hope and live for the day,

Our parents didn't go into homes, nor their parents. We helped with their care and were glad to but we didn't do it alone - and none had dementia. My mum didn't need any care, she was taken ill on a Thursday and died in hospital on the Saturday, aged 86. An awful blow for us but better for her than lingering with a severe, debilitating illness. She didn't leave much but had been generous in life. When my mother in law died we had her house and money which helped us a lot, paid off our mortgage. She died in her own home which was what she wanted and we were glad of that but especially that we'd been able to care for her.

I was in hospital for about eight days earlier this year. There was really nothing wrong with me but I'd slipped on my loose slipper coming downstairs, fell and hit my head on something hard at the bottom. I wasn't knocked out but was concussed, quite dozy. Well while I was in hospital I was put on a drip and given medication that nearly sent me doolally, also gave me diarrhoea! I was not allowed to go to the toilet with the drip, had to buzz for a nurse to come and disconnect it which meant waiting. It was dreadful and for some reason I found it difficult to walk, neither could I shower or even wash myself alone. I begged to go home.

When I was eventually discharged I came home, dirty and demoralised but I recovered immediately! I do not want to repeat the hospital experience, frankly I wouldn't trust anyone there. I've heard similar stories from other 'young-elderly' people and their loved ones. It's frightening to contemplate.

If you have, as appears on posts here, a house at say £550,000, (and that's before the other assets in the estate, i.e cash, shares, life assurance etc), won't the government take 40% of everything above £325,000 .....?

The allowance is per person and is carried over to a surviving partner upon death of a spouse. It’s therefore £650k for any couple before IHT kicks in. The scenario that one person has a £550k house when they die (plus other assets) and is not widowed is fairly rare.

*caveat - excludes new nil rate band of £100k pp.

Only 4% of estates have to pay IHT

@GirlRaisedInTheSouth the house was 145k and we put down a £7500 deposit.

I was 20 when I bought my house so didn't rent. Saved from the age of 17-20 to buy instead. Paid parents £200 rent pus bought my own food and toiletries, then had all my own bills such as phone, driving lessons, buying an old car, insuring it (insurance was double what the car was worth!), tax, petrol and what not.

I was lucky I didn't have to move out and rent somewhere aged 17-20, I didn't know anyone that had moved out to be honest at that point of their life apart from people who went to uni that were living in halls.