A generation waiting to inherit

[Okaydoklay]

With house prices being so high, are we creating a generation of people who home ownership is out of their grasp, and those who have wealthier parents , they are all waiting for their parents to pass to ever be able to afford their own home.

Leaving the kids money is most definitely not what we’ve worked for. We’ve worked for 86 years between us and we want a few years of leisure enjoying the benefits of that work. The kids can have what’s left when we die - it might be a lot if we don’t need care, it might be nothing if we do.

Well, I can't believe that Rainbows' care home just lets people die if they are ill. The pil's home certainly didn't. Mil was shipped off to hospital every time she had pneumonia/urine infection - and she had a DNR (do not resuscitate). They said that the DNR is for heart attacks/total end of life, not for treatable conditions. Mil had absolutely zero - zero - quality of life but doctors doggedly pumped her full of antibiotics to prolong the misery.

Irma - the Compassion in Dying advance decision form has sections for refusing antibiotics, and other types of life-prolonging treatment. Filling it in is on my summer to-do list.

My mum’s doctor was completely on the same page as me. No antibiotics and no admission to hospital. The care home couldn’t have supported that more.

I'll.get nothing , dm spent her money anyway..her choice. I live in a council house, minimum wage job, just started paying to a pension early 40s..ahh well, lots of others like me in the same boat..can't take it with you

Mil was shipped off to hospital every time she had pneumonia/urine infection - and she had a DNR (do not resuscitate).

I think that’s incredibly unkind actually. To shuttle a resident back and forth for little real benefit. Not the mark of a good care home but rather one that didn’t want the responsibility of caring for a sick resident and couldn’t wait to send them somewhere else. Why did the family not step in and question this? I certainly would have.

The GP was adamant that her conditions were treatable, and if someone is not at the end of life then it's the hippocratic oath and all that.

When ds broke his wrist we were in the x-ray dept and there was a whole line of beds containing people who had advanced dementia. Some were not even moving. It must be soul destroying for all concerned but that seems to be the policy.

My GPs (mid 70s) are wealthy

My Dad has fuck all after 2 divorces and lives very frugally, doesn’t own a home any more, I think he’d prefer living in a cave with zero human interaction tbh

My Dads brother is wealthy, mostly because he’s a complete bastard who screws all his partners over and pleads poverty to my GPs all the time whilst simultaneously bragging every Christmas about all the properties and money he’s got

I’m a PhD student so also renting and have very little, have 3 DCs one of whom is with me 100% of the time due to abusive ex having no contact (court ordered and DC has zero memory of them)

My GPs are very generous. They helped me with the cost of moving to University, when all my 10+ year old white goods gave up the ghost in the same month they replaced them for me (I didn’t ask, the delivery just turned up a few days later whilst I was hunting on freecycle), I never ask for anything from them but DSis is a total twat who kicked off because they wouldn’t give her 1k to buy the latest iPhone (she’s in her late 30s for goodness sake...) and has made similar “demands” over the years which has mortified my Dad and caused strain all around.

I often tell them that I hope there’s no more than a tenner in their account when they die, they’ve worked bloody hard, sacrificed a lot, paid extortionate care home fees for both of their mothers (Alzheimers), did a shit load of free childcare when I was little (whilst both working full time), still do it now they are retired for my cousins who are the same age as my DC.

But they do despair at the state of house buying and worry about me renting at my age (they were mortgage free by 21...)

@IrmaFayLear, it must depend on the doctor and the care home. Fortunately for my mum, neither saw any point in shipping a 97 year old woman off to the horrors of a geriatric ward and pumping her full of antibiotics. And, if they’d tried, I’d have fought them every step of the way.

DH and I might inherit a bit when our parents pass away but we have a lot of siblings/step parents so I can’t see it ever going in our favour or being much. I’d rather they spent their money on living comfortably in their old age though. I can also see their being a huge divide in years to come between those who have and haven’t inherited and it will be remarkably unfair. Especially when you consider that the parents who left their DC a £500K house that died after a short physical illness have probably worked hard all their lives JUST THE SAME as the parents whose £500k was sold and proceeds went to fund their dementia care.

Also

It’s all well and good suggesting Millenials just ‘move farther out’ of the cities where we work but commuting has environmental effects.

I live 30 mins drive away from my workplace and houses are still so so expensive, comparatively to both our (decent, average) wages. There’s no train station where I live but even if they were train fares for us both would be fucking extortionate!

Times have changed and avocados and iPhones aren’t to blame.

The GP was adamant that her conditions were treatable, and if someone is not at the end of life then it's the hippocratic oath and all that.

I would want a more humane GP than that. Someone who put his/her patient’s welfare first and who had the courage of their convictions. I worked with an oncologist who would be giving our patients chemo when we all knew they were just weeks away from death. It was so upsetting. One of his colleagues said to me “oh, he doesn’t do death”, meaning he had difficulty in dealing with it. IMO, if you can’t stand the heat then get out of the kitchen.

Too many old people are far too selfish these days and then they wonder why their kids don't visit them (not all of course, but many). This whole idea that greed is good and to flush away your family wealth on cruises and garbage is stupid. The world is globalised and if you want your kids to stand a chance then you need to deflate the egos a bit...! People need to start living together again, kids need to stop paying extortionate rent so they can save to get on the property ladder. That's what I will do when I'm older, I'll let my kids live with me as long as they want for free and I will watch my grandchildren for free. In return, no one will need to shove me to a care home because I plan to keep the family home a FAMILY home. My kids and grandkids can take part in taking care of me as they live with me in a paid off home. They can have their savings and they can inherit equally what's left.

That sounds lovely. How old are your children now @gingerbreadsprinkle?

I am at the end of the baby boomer generation born in 1960 and not expecting to die any time soon so if my children were waiting to inherit they would be waiting a long time. As it is we helped them with a deposit when they were in mid 20s so have owned their own properties for some time. As others have said we may need our house sale proceeds to fund care costs.

@gingerbreadsprinkle It is kind to think that you will have you DCs staying at home as long as they like for free and that you will watch your DGC also for free. I did that and I was taken for a mug.
Do you expect anything of your children, such as take the heavy wheelie bins out or to take you to the airport/train station to go on holiday etc.
You are not planning to show your kids any of real life, we have to pay for things and if we receive we should also give. With the attitude you will be giving your kids it is no wonder some kids expect inheritance or even try to get their hands on inheritance before people are even dead! We have to show our DCs the realities in life or we are doing them no favours

That's what I will do when I'm older, I'll let my kids live with me as long as they want for free and I will watch my grandchildren for free. In return, no one will need to shove me to a care home because I plan to keep the family home a FAMILY home. My kids and grandkids can take part in taking care of me as they live with me in a paid off home.

Well that’s a lovely plan from your point of view, but if your children don’t agree?

Too many old people are far too selfish these days and then they wonder why their kids don't visit them (not all of course, but many). This whole idea that greed is good and to flush away your family wealth on cruises and garbage is stupid

I don’t have “family wealth” I started with absolutely nothing and everything I have I have earned in one way or another.

If I want to spend my money on great holidays and eating out or sky diving lessons I will

What would be selfish is for dc to think that I should subsidise them whilst they are strong and healthy and I am now riddled with arthritis.

There might be money left after I am gone but I have always brought dc up to not expect anything and go out and make their own money.

Expecting it and asking for it will mean it will all go to the Cats Home.

They know I am not joking

That's what I will do when I'm older, I'll let my kids live with me as long as they want for free and I will watch my grandchildren for free. In return, no one will need to shove me to a care home because I plan to keep the family home a FAMILY home. My kids and grandkids can take part in taking care of me as they live with me in a paid off home. They can have their savings and they can inherit equally what's left.
That might work. Or your kids and their future spouses may find it smothering and choose to put more distance between their own nuclear family and you.

Do you think it's kind to your children to leave them responsible for your care 24/7 ginger? When you dont know them and are aggressive and doubly incontinent and keep everyone awake all night or wander into the street in your nightie? Or is that not the sort of end of life you're planning?

I don’t know anyone who is “waiting” to inherit and many of my friends would not get much of a share of their parents houses even after 30/40 years. Personally I am in the same boat.

However we have been extremely lucky as my husband’s gran chose to leave her property to him, my husband being her only grandchild. She was lucky to never have dementia and his parents and uncle had already paid off their mortgage.

We realise we are massively privileged to own our home outright so young. I do think it would be ideal if more people could inherit but for reasons others had already said it cannot be relied on or expected of relatives.

Many parents I know have passed all or most of the legacies from their own parents, to adult dcs, to help them buy a home.

I know it's not fair that not everybody can expect such help, but life never was fair and I doubt it ever will be.

An uncle and aunt who were far better off than my folks, bought a London flat outright for their new-graduate dds. This was in the very late 60s. Any such thing was about as likely for me and my siblings as flying a magic carpet to the moon.

To all the naysayers... People do it in other cultures alllllll the time. It's not a revolutionary idea.

Like I said as the world becomes more globalised living standards will become equal amongst the western and eastern world; this type of sacrifice will be required of families in a sink or swim environment. Houses will be far too expensive as time goes on for everyone to go it alone. We are lucky to own but I know my kids will need a leg up. Eastern ways of life will have to be adopted or else the system will be imbalanced and unmanageable. If I take care of my grandkids, the social contract is that I am taken care of.

So, how old are your kids? Just out of interest?

So, how old are your kids? Just out of interest?

Not relevant. My extended family already does this with the older generation. We do not use care homes. My great aunt has dementia.

It really is relevant. You haven’t got any yet, have you?