To think uninvited guests are annoying?

[TheCheekOfSomePeople]

Curious to know if people are okay with uninvited guests?
Are you more accepting if it's a blood related family member? What if its inlaws?
What if they just turn up with no warning beforehand? How much warning is needed? Is it still annoying if they announce they will be visiting you on a certain day without checking if its okay first? Does it depend on how long they stay? Does it depend on what time of day it is? Where is the line for you from acceptable to annoying or cheeky?

Uninvited guests are a PITA as you have to stop your own plans to be sociable. If I'm in the middle of cleaning the house I want to finish it, if on the way out I want to go as planned or slopping on the sofa with a B movie I want to keep watching it. Love my pals, neighbours and family, but rather I knew they were dropping in first.

I have one family member who just decides he's coming. Will call first but that's immaterial as it's just to announce he's coming rather than asking. A few weeks ago I said no it's not convenient and he turned up anyway. So ignorant!

Depends on who it is for me. My mum lives five minutes away and pops in at random intervals during the week. I’m happy for that as I didn’t have much of a relationship with her in my younger years (raised by my Grandparents) and she’s an amazing Gran to my toddlers. She often picks up nappies, baby wipes, learning toys etc when she’s out shopping and brings them with her. We never ask and have said she doesn’t need to, but I think she likes providing for them in a way she couldn’t for me.

But, she does know there are times where we’re not to be disturbed without prior notice and she respects that. So I guess that’s a half and half situation??

I do not like when MIL invites herself around as she does not respect the outlined hours for visits and oftentimes she’ll turn up when she knows DH is out so she can moan about him to me, moan about the house, comment on how we choose to raise our kids etc.

They’re the only ones who tend to just turn up - two very different personalities. MIL has only one child, my DH and so has decided to take it upon herself to read all the latest tricks and tips on raising ‘exceptional’ (her word!) children eye roll

My mum has 5 kids in total and whilst she wasn’t able to take care of me or my older brother (she was very young when she had us and became overwhelmed) she has been a brilliant mum to my two younger sisters and brother. Her idea of a successful day is “everybody is fed, watered, alive and mostly happy!” 😂

If friends just randomly turned up I think I’d be alright with it, even though I’m introverted I appreciate when people want to see me.

DH outright hates it when ANYBODY turns up uninvited - no matter who it is or why 😂

I think this makes me odd on mumsnet but I really don't mind it. I quite like an unexpected guest just popping in for a chat or coffee
My kids bring friends home unexpectedly for dinner or lunch. I like it makes me think people feel comfortable in my home

No one is saying they don’t want visitors @Disco3000, they are saying they don’t want uninvited visitors.

It’s more anti-social to be rude enough to turn up at people’s homes expecting to be entertained without checking it’s convenient than to say, “you are welcome to come round if you let me know in advance so I can be free.”

In my grandparents day people did leave their doors open and have guests at all hours but there was almost always a stay at home parent and the working hours and responsibilities people in their village had were far less than my parents and my generations had. Both my parents are psychiatrists working shifts at a secure unit and growing up family time was extremely precious and both parents had little mental energy left. I myself am a teacher and have a second job on the side. I have wonderful friends and a brilliant social life but the last thing I need after a 12 hour teaching day is an unexpected guest when I’ve a house to clean, lessons to plan, families to contact, my own family obligations to fulfil etc. I’m practically catatonic when I first get home and my friends say similar about their own lives.

I agree, community is extremely important but you can still have a sense of connection and community and have boundaries about uninvited guests.

@Rachelover40 - one of the first posters did turn her granny away as inconvenient and told her to ring and make an appointment.

IMHO Outrageous behaviour

Disco

I agree with your points, but that has nothing to do with expecting a call from potential visitors.
You can be a part of your community, social, and be friendly with neighbours, the two aren't exclusive.

I'm hardly in and do a lot in my community, have people round, and enjoy hosting, just call me first.

I wouldn’t consider anyone a ‘guest’ unless they were staying o Denbigh this! Others are just people who have popped in, and it’s nice. Shows they are thinking about me/want to spend time with me.
I find people who lock themselves in and won’t answer the door or the phone unless they are expecting someone odd. We are social animals and should cultivate communities.

O Denbigh this should be overnight!

I'm from London and sometimes have anxiety. I've been know to hide and not answer the door to people I knew were coming.

I've moved to a small island off the coast of America where nobody locks their doors and complete strangers will stroll right in to your house without knocking.

I'm adjusting.

I always find it so rude.

My husbands family are terrible for this. They literally call when they are coming through our estate in the car - having driven 30 mins and knowing full well we cant really turn them away if we are in.

They have done this a few times though when we've actually been out and I cant help but think it serves them right. They still continue to do it though.

The best part is, once they arrive you cant get rid of them for at least 4 hours. And they expect to be fed - without giving you notice!

Both! I love having visitors and DH dislikes even prearranged ones. I prefer to know so I can tidy up but for most of my friends I wouldn't mind no notice. I suppose all our family are far enough away they couldn't really just drop in and we don't have much in the way of friends.

It depends!! MIL drives 35 minutes to drop in on us unannounced and expects us to drop everything to entertain her. On the other hand I have no issue with others, for example, my brother. He would stop in if he was passing but doesn't expect to be hosted and would quite happily be on his way if you were on your way out. He also wouldn't beat the doors and windows and start ringing your phone even though it's obvious by the closed curtains and blinds that were likely to be sleeping like MIL 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m in awe of people who a) have houses that are tidy and clean enough to have unexpected visitors and b) are organised enough to have food and drink in to cater for them.

If you come to my house unexpectedly, it will be a shit tip and there will be nothing for you to eat or drink

@Disco3000 what a load of twaddle. I live in a tiny rural hamlet, I know literally everyone in it, we have a great community.
Doesn’t mean we turn up at each others houses uninvited.

DH and I are out of the house for 13hrs a day each, we get less than 90 mins awake time together Mon-Fri, I don’t want that precious time where we eat together compromised by unexpected visitors.
At weekends we are busy which includes pre-arranged socialising with friends and family. But we still have jobs that have to be done, laundry to do, horses to exercise, hens to clean out etc etc. Our free time is limited so has to be organised. I can’t just swan about entertaining people who want to drop in on a whim-there’s no margin for that if you have an already full life. Fortunately in my part of the real world everyone has the same idea.

Disco3000

I think it's a shame how people just lock themselves in behind closed doors now. Used to be expected for people to turn up randomly and nice too, now people are anti social and communicate behind their phones. No sense of community/socialising. Neighbourhoods are isolating, no-one knows who they live near.

What a load of patronising bullshit.
I don't like people coming unannounced as I said previously but that hardly means I'm anti social and sit on my phone rather than socialising.

We regularly have dinner parties, friends and family stating over, neighbours round for drinks and bbq's.
Not liking people just randomly turning up is not comparable to being anti social.

Same with in laws. Have had to put foot down and tell them it's not ok for me to come home from work and find them sat sunbathing in my garden or just turning up and letting themselves in

I’d find that incredibly rude.

As for the op whose pil would just pitch up inside the house, I can’t understand why you don’t have a lock on your door. Does it get locked at night? Very insecure.

Why on earth do you let people have a key to your house? I'd find it unnerving.

Yanbu.

It takes less than 5 minutes to text or call to see if we’re around or don’t have any plans. I might not even be in the mood for visitors and someone turning up unannounced isn’t going to help it. Heck, even couriers tell me around the time they’re coming so why can’t others.

I like catching up with people and want to give as much time as possible but that can only happen if I know when they’re coming. If I know they’re coming I can make sure to clear my day so there is no rush and we can relax without worrying about time constraints or tell them how much time I have and see if they still want to pop by. Rather that than someone popping by when we’re on our way out the door or I’m in the middle of something and don’t have the time to stop and chat.

Nope! Just had someone book a flight to visit .. get this .. for 6 months! .. no jokes .. i had to be the bad 1 and ask for return flights to be changed down to visiting for 3 weeks .. lord help me! I have already had a panic attack! Did not go down too well 😔

It really doesn't bother me if people pop in when passing. There's always tea or coffee available. I've even had friends from abroad overnight with just a day's warning. I do prefer my own company most of the time but I've no family and friends and neighbours usually stay just for a quick cuppa and blether. No one's got a key and only a couple have the key safe number in case of emergency. The dogs usually give plenty of warning before anyone even opens the gate.

They can take me and the house as they find me. I don't bother with a bra when I'm not either at work or dressed up, and not wearing something that would show, and often potter around working in the house and garden in my pyjamas. I live rurally outside a village in a house perpetually in the middle of renovation and no one turns a hair. I really don't give a shit. I do have medication for severe anxiety as well as other mental health problems but worrying about being seen braless but covered, and barefaced doesn't come into the equation.

Just had someone book a flight to visit .. get this .. for 6 months!

What?! They wanted to stay at your house for six months and sulked when you said that was not going to happen? Outrageous if that's the case.

@Hanab
Just had someone book a flight to visit .. get this .. for 6 months! did they book it before they even checked with you and get annoyed because you said they could only stay for 3 weeks? I didn't think people that entitled and cheeky existed!!

@TheCheekOfSomePeople

Just booked and messaged hubby to let him know and ask him to keep quiet .. wanted to ‘surprise’ us. H is not a great liar but a softie .. 🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 I found out and caused a shit storm to put it mildly .. said person is due to come Sun/Mon let’s see how it plays out ..

My in laws sort of come uninvited, eg they call to say they will be passing (none of their routes mean they will ever pass due to where we live related to them) and that they have something they need to just drop off, it's never actually needed, and that if we are out they will just leave it on the doorstep, so then we have the choice to have them (uninvited) or go out ourselves, seems awkward either way?