To think uninvited guests are annoying?

[TheCheekOfSomePeople]

Curious to know if people are okay with uninvited guests?
Are you more accepting if it's a blood related family member? What if its inlaws?
What if they just turn up with no warning beforehand? How much warning is needed? Is it still annoying if they announce they will be visiting you on a certain day without checking if its okay first? Does it depend on how long they stay? Does it depend on what time of day it is? Where is the line for you from acceptable to annoying or cheeky?

Was having this conversation with a friend only last week. Dropping in on friends/family was totally normal when we were younger, kettle on, cake tin out, lots of chat.

It’s quite telling that one of the biggest scourges of our society is loneliness.

Bostandardbelle I've heard that definition before and think it's quite accurate.

Lots of people would probably think I'm more if an extrovert, in fact people have laughed when I've tried to tell them otherwise. I love parties, host them at my own house etc but absolutely hate uninvited guests (even though I can see it's rather unreasonable!) And feel really recharged by peace and quiet and am happy on my own all day!

I think it's only fair to let people know to expect you. Nothing worse than someone turning up at the worst possible time.

Nope. Hate it. The only person that comes uninvited is my dad. He cracks on and makes his own cup of tea, cuddles his grandkids and goes home. Everyone else is annoying.

I realise I'm a bit of an MN anomaly but I love people dropping by unexpectedly (another open house childhood). DH is the same.

It doesn't make me a bad person!

Who claimed that being happy to receive unexpected visitors makes anyone a bad person?

For all those talking about loneliness and being welcoming, you can still make people feel welcome and see friends and family. Asking people to give a bit of notice doesn't put a stop to that. It doesn't have to be visitors welcome at any time or no visitors at all. There is a happy medium.

I'd be perfectly happy with a friend dropping by; furious if it were family; neighbours I suppose you have to put up with in moderation.

I'm a horrendous introvert - although I mask it well.
I need at least 48 hours notice and even then it makes me twitchy.
Happy to do spur of the moment meetings out and about but not in my space.

dillusionaldog I find that annoying as well, when you have planned guests and they invite other people without checking its okay first

I hate it unannounced. If someone drops me a text to say they're coming that's fine.

I may be an introvert, but the real reason I hate unexpected visitors is that there are some selfish treats in my family who decide to come when they feel like it, bo notice, then just plonk themselves on the sofa and expect me to wait on them hand and foot.

Well, they used too. One visit I was in the middle of dealing with an insurance issue and on the phone. I carried on with the call, and when I had finished they laid into me about being rude and not ending the call straight away.

I reversed it onto them and said they were being rude by turning up and expecting me to stop everything just to amuse them, that I needed to get things done when I could as I work full.time.

They still visit but it's arranged in advance now.

Hate it. Thankfully so does dh. We need notice in advance. We have such busy lives and time is our important to us. Nothing more I hate than sitting around catering to people.

It gets right on my nerves when people turn up and we’ve had no warning !
I hate it ... have sister in law like that and when my son turned up at her house unannounced she didn’t like it because the house was messy ... yep that’s just how I felt .... text or call ... takes a second ... my house is my private sanctuary
Yes I love having people here but when I’m prepared and then I give my all ;0)

We have an open door police here (literally - if we are in the front door is open into the porch). Friends and family know that if the door is open and the weather to knock and then walk in - everyone is welcome and food and drinks are always offered. We have had lovely impromptu meals and fun evenings. It has always been the same and I loved it when the children were young and a variety of youngsters and teens were always in and around the house - I loved knowing that they were completely comfortable dropping round.

Doesn't bother me. We have an open door policy. always cook more than I would need for just my own family as we fairly often end up with a few extra people at dinner time.

However, I wouldn't just turn up at someone else's house without a prior discussion (other than MIL who is very similar to myself and I know for certain is happy that myself and the kids feel comfortable enough to do so).

My DH's family does this, and what's worse is that they (especially my MIL) drops in just before tea time! I really hate it...DH and I both work, so I just want to get home, sort out dcs, have 30 minutes alone, then start tea. The house is usually still untidy from breakfast/lunch prep, so not exactly visitor friendly at that time. My heart literally sinks if I see her waiting for us in the drive when we get home from work...

@dancinginthekitchen that doesnt sound lovely and, in theory, i LOVE the picture you just painted. But my house just isnt always tidy enough for this and it gives me anxiety. Plus I tend to put PJ bottoms on when I get home and would be mortified if anyone came round. maybe i just need nicer pj bottoms/lounge pants, thats an idea. That said the kids bring friends home and I dont really care (doubt a 15 year old is judging the fact I have a pile or ironing. Plus apart from making food they dont need me to sit with them and entertain them).

I so wish I was the sort of person that loved pop-innerers (I don't, I'm like most of you and hate it!).

My Nan has always had an open house - friends, neighbours and family popping in without invitation at any time of the day. Now that she's in her late 80s and in poor health it's a godsend for her as she always has company and actually her life was saved by a neighbour popping in when she was unconscious due to a brain haemorrhage. But I suppose she is from an era when people couldn't send a quick text message to let you know they're on the way, whereas now there's really no excuse for not giving someone a bit of warning!

I grew up in the 1970s, we didn’t have a landline until I was about 14. So before that, relatives, friends etc HAD to just turn up and take their chances mum and dad were in. It was totally the normal thing to do.

These days, it very rarely happens ( well not in my house) - we’d at least get a text before as even most CF visitors don’t want a wasted journey, if we’re all out or on holiday or something.

It depends. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I really don’t mind.
I grew up in a house with people constantly stopping by and it was lovely. Lots of impromptu family dinners and it’s the same whenever I visit my parents now. Constant stream of family visitors and it’s great.
At my own house, it really does depend on my mood, the time, who it is, what’s going on at home at the time. If it’s almost bed time for the kids it’s not so good. Lazy Saturday afternoon at home where we are all pottering and it’s fine.

Pretty much exactly this for me too. I loved the fact that my parents kept a busy open home where visitors were constantly in and out. I know my mother occasionally found it tiring but in her later years when she was infirm and not able to go out much she had so many visitors and friends who helped and came to see her often that I regularly felt like a spare wheel on my weekly visits . Our house is not like this but I have many happy memories of my childhood where it was like this

I can assure the poster up thread that I am not lonely or lacking in friends or social events,it's just more organised ie let's have a bbq on Sunday so we all get together and it's organised.

What I don't like is when I step out of my shower (downstairs bathroom)to discover the in laws loitering in my kitchen because they thought they'd pop in on a Sunday morning at 9.30 to say hello That's not fair.

My home is my haven and my dh and myself work long hours in hard jobs so the one day a week we get to spend with our dc is precious.

I have to remind my dm that when we were kids we didn't have grandparents drop in on sundays as that was family day,just a shame she forgets that.

My main mistake is having a front door with a handle rather than a dead lock from inside.
I have commented to dh that I will be attaching a new inner lock to the door

If someone's door is locked you don't just dig out your spare key and let yourself in.

I've got home from work on many occasion and someone's been over and out post on the side or had a coffee and left it in the sink etc. I HATE feeling like people,whoever they are have been in my personal space.

It's wrong. We are all entitled to privacy whatever our ages.

Depends who it is. In the days before mobile phones and internet, I had an open-house policy in my early 20s and loved it: people just dropped in all the time. That said, they were all good friends and I loved them and their company. I miss those days: it takes a lot of advance notice to plan social get-togethers now that everyone is grown-up and busy.

If it were difficult family members, I wouldn't have been happy, though.

I work from home, so pre-6pm it is a hard no for everyone. Family and close friends are welcome to drop by unannounced but I don't think anyone really does. We usually get a call or text a few days to a couple of hours earlier, depending on travel time. Mostly because we might be out or have guests they do not know and might feel awkward around.

I guess it is more a case of people droping by unannounced rather than uninvited - they have a standing invitation. Plus, none of them expect the place to be polished 24/7 and will help cook and clean up after themselves. They also don't mind if I read a book in a different room after saying hello for a while, and DH looks after them. That is how I grew up and it weirdly serves my introvert tendencies, because I can just disappear while my super social DH gets his people-quota in. Once I am done with ironing/cooking/general introvert time, I get to join them again and enjoy good company.

"Informing" you that someone will stay overnight is a completely different thing in my opinion. That is just poor manners across the board.

This is only a thing on MN - no one in the real world sends their granny away because she turned up uninvited. It is appalling bad manners - which undoubtedly someone will counter with its bad manners to turn up uninvited.

I despair with this forum sometimes; on the one hand we have people in the throes of a breakdown because they are so socially isolated then on the other hand we have the socially inept bluntly telling kith and kin to fuck off because they haven’t made an appointment, in triplicate, 12 months beforehand.

We’ve always had an open house policy – people come to see ME or DH, not some stray dishes in the sink. Such sad, insular and lonely lives some of you lead.

@TheCheekOfSomePeople my house isn't a mess. I never have to rush round before a visit by anyone, let alone family. I like my living space to be clean and ordered. Youngest DC is 12.

This is only a thing on MN