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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think uninvited guests are annoying?

175 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 10/07/2019 10:29

Curious to know if people are okay with uninvited guests?
Are you more accepting if it's a blood related family member? What if its inlaws?
What if they just turn up with no warning beforehand? How much warning is needed? Is it still annoying if they announce they will be visiting you on a certain day without checking if its okay first? Does it depend on how long they stay? Does it depend on what time of day it is? Where is the line for you from acceptable to annoying or cheeky?

OP posts:

UpOnTheShelf · 10/07/2019 16:01

Yes @TheCheekOfSomePeople. They all know that they will always be welcome and the kettle will be on. Even more so if they bring cake as i said in my earlier post, i wouldn't turn up uninvited at someone else's home unless they made it clear that it was acceptable to do so.
Apart from at my parents and siblings as they have the same mindset as me.

Chovihano · 10/07/2019 16:06

We've never had any, apart from my dsis who was an emergency case. She stayed 3 years.

People have always known we don't appreciate it, sometimes you just have to tell them this.
We say "You are always welcome if you call first"

Sceptre86 · 10/07/2019 16:09

I don't like it as I just find it rude. A 10 minute text before they arrive is definitely better than nothing though. It means I can quickly shove toys away and run a hoover around. If someone is coming for the first time I would want notice ( at least a day before) as they will be usually expecting a feed and I would want to deep clean the place if they were wanting a look around.

SalemShadow · 10/07/2019 16:10

You can normally guarantee with an impromptu visit that I'll be in my pyjamas or the house a mess. No-one ever turns up when the house is spotless! I hate this and get family doing it all the time.

Original poster

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 10/07/2019 16:13

Chovihano how did she end up staying for 3 years?

OP posts:

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 10/07/2019 16:17

Some ppl are just weird....Pretending to be out because a family member or friend dares to visit without warning.

what's so weird to be busy, and not want to be disturbed?

People can be busy having sex, working, bleaching their moustache and a million of perfectly valid reasons why they can't be bothered to go and open the door.

CassianAndor · 10/07/2019 16:46

I never get anyone dropping in so I would love it!

saffy1234 · 10/07/2019 16:51

Its pisses me off no end

fblake · 10/07/2019 17:00

Once DP said to his friend that we were having BBQ for dinner (just is, not a BBQ with friends etc). So DP's friend just turned up with his nephew with no food or drink expecting us to feed and water them both. We were shocked to say the least.

Squigglesworth · 10/07/2019 17:11

Unless someone has an explicit standing invitation to drop in unannounced at any time (which I don't issue!), I'm annoyed by uninvited guests. Even for family, I vastly prefer it if they let me know they wish to drop by, though of course I wouldn't turn away close family if they needed to come over without advance "warning".

There's nothing wrong with being the type of person whose door is always open, but please don't also be the type to act superior to those of us who need (or even just want) a little more privacy. Some of us need time to prepare for company, and yes, sometimes we are doing something that can't easily be paused or set aside immediately, which is awkward.

Why should it bother someone else if I don't want unexpected guests? Maybe it's a little inconvenient for you if you have to remember to arrange a visit rather than just doing it spontaneously as the mood strikes you, but why are your whims and convenience more important than someone else's comfort and need for privacy?

vincettenoir · 10/07/2019 17:12

It depends. Recently we were doing some DIY and a friend of my DH’s who lives local turned up uninvited. Be both looked like shit and the house was a state. But we ended up having a really nice break in the garden with a glass of wine for an hour, and it was a really nice unexpected treat. Although there are times I would not like to be disturbed, I wouldn’t want to lose out on all the little spontaneous moments in life.

wendywoopywoo222 · 10/07/2019 17:22

I'm completely happy with unexpected visitors. If I'm busy I will tell them.

CherryPavlova · 10/07/2019 17:59

I really like being disturbed for a tea and catch up. Our doors are rarely locked so neighbours do just drop in - usually don’t even knock but call out as they’re putting the kettle on.
Those friends and relatives outside the village tend to call first to avoid a wasted journey but it can still be quite last minute.
It’s nice people want to drop by.

sneakypinky · 10/07/2019 18:30

@CherryPavlova May I please ask the origin of your name?

Pretendapony · 10/07/2019 18:34

We live on our yard so we have an open door policy. All sorts of random friends and acquaintances turn up wanting a cup of tea at any time during the day. I just make sure I am dressed and have make up on (currently on mat leave). The house is quite often a tip because DH is such a scruff but most of them are fully aware how gross he is. I found it hard having people dropping in all the time at first (in laws actually walked in and saw me fully naked once ) because I like the house to be clean & tidy for guests and day to day living with DH is an uphill battle for cleanliness. But I have unclenched a little and they all know what he’s like. So I shouldn’t worry!

ElevenSmiles · 10/07/2019 18:37

that25...With that attitude.....I imagine you don't get many visitors.

user1467618820 · 10/07/2019 18:39

This has been genuinely eye opening, I’d no idea this made people so uptight!

Rachelover40 · 10/07/2019 18:42

When husband and I were first married, we had no end of friends turning up at weekends early. We weren't even dressed! Sometimes the door bell rang and woke us.

I found it very wearing and couldn't understand why people did it. We never got a lie in and that's something I always looked forward to at weekends. I suppose I should have said, "Oh sorry, we are just about to get ready to go out but you can come in for a quick coffee". I just didn't have the presence of mind at the time and don't like lying, husband would never have said it to a friend. I used to dream of having a weekend to ourselves.

I've always been easy going and hospitable, just didn't like unexpected visitors (even if I liked them).

CherryPavlova · 10/07/2019 18:45

@ Of course, nothing deep. I was advised by MNHQ to change my original name because of unpleasant attacks from a small group of self appointed vigilantes from reddit. I was baking a Cherry Pavlova for a supper party at the time.
There was another Cherry Pavlova appeared a couple of weeks ago but I think they’ve changed their name now.

EleanorOalike · 10/07/2019 18:46

No no no. It’s never ok. I just pretend I’m not in!

DonkeyHohtay · 10/07/2019 18:56

can’t think of anything worse than a houseful of teenagers

Obviously it's FAR better that they're wandering the streets, vandalising bus shelters and drinking cheap cider in the park.

We have open house here too for our kids' friends. And I don't mind people popping in either. Needing 48 hours notice is very weird.

larry55 · 10/07/2019 18:58

We have some unexpected visitors but that is because they call to get cheques signed as we are signatories on charity accounts. The people who drop in most are our dd or sil with our dgs who are welcome at any time as dgc is a poppet who loves to see granny and grandpa.

Unfortunately all our other relatives live some way away so no other droppers in

Itstheprinciple · 10/07/2019 19:00

I never have stuff in to feed people unless they're expected. I would love to be one of those mother earth people inviting tribes of teenagers to stay for dinner at the drop of a hat (I mean Dd's friends, not just random teenagers!) but I only buy what we need for meals for us and if I have stuff in the freezer, again its because I did double the first time so it's only the right portion for us. And no one ever calls when house is freshly tidy, only when house is a mess... Why is that?

Zbag14 · 10/07/2019 19:04

I don't have a doorbell and live in a upstairs flat so no can tell if im in or not. If people want to come round they need to text/call me first

Disco3000 · 10/07/2019 19:09

I think it's a shame how people just lock themselves in behind closed doors now. Used to be expected for people to turn up randomly and nice too, now people are anti social and communicate behind their phones. No sense of community/socialising. Neighbourhoods are isolating, no-one knows who they live near.

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