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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think uninvited guests are annoying?

175 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 10/07/2019 10:29

Curious to know if people are okay with uninvited guests?
Are you more accepting if it's a blood related family member? What if its inlaws?
What if they just turn up with no warning beforehand? How much warning is needed? Is it still annoying if they announce they will be visiting you on a certain day without checking if its okay first? Does it depend on how long they stay? Does it depend on what time of day it is? Where is the line for you from acceptable to annoying or cheeky?

OP posts:

kerryleigh · 10/07/2019 13:00

Growing up, my parents' house was always open for friends, family, neighbours and it was lovely! I'm the same and I hope my girls will be the same. If I'm home, my door is open

Heartofglass12345 · 10/07/2019 13:02

I can't believe some of the attitudes on here! You do realise that the grandparents you're having a go at may well not be with you much longer! Fair enough if it's not convenient, just say when they arrive!
I moved away, not a million miles away but far enough that no one can pop in anymore and I miss it, I would love to have a friend that could just pop in.
Although I do think the original post is very cheeky, an overnight stay is a bit different, and to not even ask!

Rachelover40 · 10/07/2019 13:09

MyOpinionIsValid Wed 10-Jul-19 12:46:43
This is only a thing on MN - no one in the real world sends their granny away because she turned up uninvited. It is appalling bad manners - which undoubtedly someone will counter with its bad manners to turn up uninvited.
....

I doubt anyone would turn their granny away if they just turned up. All the op is saying is that she would prefer a bit of notice before people visit. That isn't unreasonable. It's not an MN thing, I've heard many people in real life say the same.

It's different with children, to have open house for them is lovely but adults should be a bit more sensitive. It's nice to know you're going to have the house to yourself. I wouldn't dream of turning up on someone's doorstep unannounced unless I was in some sort of dire straits.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/07/2019 13:10

I don't much like it but I wouldn't turn them away unless it's BIL who is a skunk and I won't have in the house.

Mostly people don't just rock up unexpectedly though - and if they do, it's usually a flying visit, not a long one. DH's uncle has a tendency to just drop by when he's in the area, doesn't have a mobile etc. so just turns up - but he's a nice old man and I'd never turn him away. He never stays long either.

daphine2004 · 10/07/2019 13:11

I agree with OP!

A few years ago we invited SIL and kids over for DSs 3rd birthday. I asked her not to arrive before party started, well she decided not to come as family shouldn’t be told an arrival time. You should be able to turn up whenever, I don’t agree!

We were prepping for the party, collecting food and cake etc, we couldn’t possibly host and get stuff done if they were here.

RunningFeisty · 10/07/2019 13:11

I hate people rocking up unannounced, at least drop me a text 10-15 mins before to make sure it is okay, I would never just turn up anywhere, family or not!

itsallgoingsouth · 10/07/2019 13:14

People need to check first, not just rock up. It could be inconvenient for all sorts of reasons. It's a quick phone call. I don't care if you're stood right outside the house even, if the time isn't good for us then sling your hook.

My SIL has shown up unannounced a few times and uses the "I was just passing by" line or says she rang but couldn't get a reply. Well, don't come then! Pushy, pushy.... can't stand it. It does not endear her to me but I doubt she cares.

aphrodites · 10/07/2019 13:16

It would be a big gamble for our family to drop by as they're hours away but in general I don't like people to drop by unannounced, I need at least an hours notice usually so I can prepare myself, people just showing up makes me incredibly anxious.

TigerLilyMasie · 10/07/2019 13:18

I am amused at how many people, including me, use the term 'rock up' to describe UIG! We're always the ones who DON'T like it!

I grew up in the seventies as well and, yes, people were always popping in and out, it was just the norm. I didn't have to mentally prepare for them then, though.

salsmum · 10/07/2019 13:28

My PIL used to go out on the buses for free ( he worked as a conductor) they would love to just turn up for tea etc... uninvited ( prob too stingy to buy a cuppa out) and would probably have judged me harshly for looking like shyte at 9am with two DCs to look after ( one of which is wheelchair bound)

ReanimatedSGB · 10/07/2019 13:36

In my younger days I used to do it all the time: we all did. Particularly in student days, but this was partly because not only were there no mobile phones (so no 'quick text to check'). I wouldn't now, have completely lost the habit. I might just about drop in on my mum without warning but even then a phone call on the day would be more usual.

I think if you are someone who likes to turn up without warning, you have to be able to accept that sometimes you won't be welcome, to detect that you have picked a bad time, and to leave quickly without sulking or arguing.

MulticolourMophead · 10/07/2019 13:37

MyOpinionIsValid You're making things up now.

I don't want certain people dropping in unexpectedly, because of issues in the past with them expecting a full on hosting service from me.

Doesn't mean I expect everyone to be organising vists miles in advance. Like many of the other posters on here, a bit of notice, eg a text or call even 10 mins beforehand, would be great. There is plenty of ground for compromise.

We’ve always had an open house policy – people come to see ME or DH, not some stray dishes in the sink. Such sad, insular and lonely lives some of you lead.

My life is far from insular or lonely, and I have plenty of visitors. But I can assure you I'm not the only poster here who does have the kind of visitors who will judge even one plate unwashed. You are just lucky that you don't.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 10/07/2019 13:54

I love people dropping by unexpectedly (another open house childhood). DH is the same.

It doesn't make me a bad person!

It makes you a lovely person!

as long as you understand that other people are not as comfortable, or organised differently and don't like it the same way, it's fine.

DontCallMeShitley · 10/07/2019 13:56

If someone is uninvited they are not a guest as far as I am concerned. However, depending on who it is I would let them in and make them welcome or tell them I was busy/just going out.

ElevenSmiles · 10/07/2019 14:05

Some ppl are just weird....Pretending to be out because a family member or friend dares to visit without warning.

DelurkingAJ · 10/07/2019 14:06

I love it (although I know I’m a bit of an outlier so would always call myself). I think it’s because (a) I grew up in a very open house home and adored it and (b) we now live a long way from most friends and family so it’s a real treat when they can be bothered to come see us.

georgialondon · 10/07/2019 14:08

I don't have any uninvited guests as I don't answer the door to them!

Birdie6 · 10/07/2019 14:09

I've always hated visitors of any sort .

My ex was the opposite - he'd never lock the door and let it be known that anyone / everyone could just come in. The last straw was when I was on night duty - fast asleep in the middle of the day, and suddenly I became aware that someone was in the room. When I opened my eyes, a neighbor was standing there - she had the gall to say " oh were you having a nap ?" . A NAP ?? NO it isn't a nap, it's my one and only sleep for the next 24 hours you thoughtless bitch !

I'm really glad he is my ex .

RB68 · 10/07/2019 14:11

I think the trouble is these days people seem to account for every minute and think sitting surfing and doing emails or gaming at home is more important than social interaction.

We work from home but have lovely neighbours (yes pretty much all 7 immediate and others) and have no problem with people popping over, but they are all v aware we are busy and all say no was just popping etc when offered drinks then we have the choice to let it go if we need the time, or say no no its fine have just put the kettle on for us. Its quite nice as we don't have the bustle of an office as such and live with each other 24/7 when DH is not away. I also run a baked potato service as have an Aga style oven (ie they are welcome to come along and pop a couple of potatoes in for their tea, way better than microwaved baked pots). That's fun :-)

Beautiful3 · 10/07/2019 14:19

Don't like unplanned visitors. If I'm busy I'll carry on with my jobs while they sit down. I cannot afford to sit down for a few hours while nothing gets done. If I know they're coming then I plan my day around their visit so will sit down with them. But I will not open the door during dinner time!

Gustavo1 · 10/07/2019 14:28

I don’t think I’ve ever had a single unannounced visit or uninvited guest. I have had a friend or neighbour call to borrow something or drop something in. That has sometimes turned into a coffee and quick chat but I’ve never had anyone turn up and expect to visit or be hosted. Maybe I don’t seem the welcoming type

ElevenSmiles · 10/07/2019 14:41

My son came round last week....no appointment...he had tea and toast, it was lovely.

ThePinkCushion · 10/07/2019 14:45

" I also run a baked potato service as have an Aga style oven (ie they are welcome to come along and pop a couple of potatoes in for their tea, way better than microwaved baked pots). That's fun :-)"

Don't they have ovens?

Freyanna · 10/07/2019 15:07

I remember one flat share where we were watching the final episode of 'Dallas' - who shot JR, about to be revealed.

Ding dong, doorbell goes - it is flatmate's Aunt and Uncle on a surprise visit. She didn't let them in!

I always dropped in both my late Grans' houses unannounced, but apart from my sister (which is fine), people do tend to call first.

Original poster

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 10/07/2019 15:22

Everyone who has uninvited guests just 'pop in' and you are fine with it - do the guests know you are okay with this and that's why they turn up uninvited? Would you just turn up to someones house who you knew hated uninvited guests?

OP posts:

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