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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at seating at Brothers wedding

307 replies

Starlight30 · 09/07/2019 23:36

My brother recently got married and we have always been quite close and I am his only sister and youngest in the family. However, I was gutted when I found that myself and my husband were seated at the very back on the room isolated from my family and sitting with the brides work colleagues. Maybe I am being unreasonable, but I found this quite upsetting as the rest of my family(aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc) were seated at tables at the front of the room and my brothers and parents at the top table. I naturally assumed that I would be seated with my family. I was even more mortified when one of the guests at my table asked me how I knew the bride and groom. When I said I was the grooms sister the guests response was "oh dear, you must be in the bad books. Aren't family supposed to sit at the front?". Until this point I had managed to keep my self composed, but after that comment I fled to the bathrooms and broke down in tears. I ended up leaving early as I was so upset. I also couldn't help but feel a sense of anger and hurt at my brother and his wife for not advising me beforehand that I would be separated from the rest of my family. Am I right to be upset at this or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
GrapefruitIsGross · 09/07/2019 23:38

Was there any one at the table that you could have been sat beside to “look after” as they didn’t know anyone else?

If this is going to niggle at you, you’d be better off asking him straight tbh.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/07/2019 23:39

Gosh I don't know! How is your relationship with both the bride and groom? Did your parents say anything about it?

chinam · 09/07/2019 23:39

YANBU. I would be hurt if my sibling did this to me.

Booboooo · 09/07/2019 23:40

YANBU. Maybe they thought you would be happy at a young table if that makes sense? However if that was the case they should have asked you!

ladymariner · 09/07/2019 23:42

When did you find out about the seating plan, was it on the actual day? Sounds pretty shit to me....how well do you get on with your new sil????

WindowsSmindows · 09/07/2019 23:42

Does your brother dislike you?

Finfintytint · 09/07/2019 23:43

Some people are bellends at weddings. My DH was on the top table with bride and groom at his brothers wedding. I was relegated to the toddler table at the back.
It’s probably not personal, just a lack of thinking.

Tingface · 09/07/2019 23:45

YANBU.

Wingedharpy · 09/07/2019 23:45

Are you a lot better looking than the bride OP?

sonjadog · 09/07/2019 23:46

Why do you think he sat you there? It must have been for a reason.

Lockheart · 09/07/2019 23:46

YANBU to be hurt and it was rude not to seat you with other family, but fleeing to the bathrooms and breaking down in tears is a bit of an overreaction... Do you usually have a good relationship with your brother?

2littleninjas · 09/07/2019 23:46

YANBU!!

BackforGood · 09/07/2019 23:46

Well, "fleeing to the bathroom and breaking down in tears" and "leaving early" bot seem OTT and over dramatic, but, until that point YANBU. Sound quite odd.
I'd have expected him to have discussed it with you beforehand if there was some reason for needing you there or thinking you might like (as previously suggested) to be with other young people rather than ancient Aunties or something.
I would have just asked him about it though, in an "i, Mush" sort of a way, not made it into a drama.

Jaguarana · 09/07/2019 23:47

My brother & SIL did this. They put me, DH, our three DC & a handful of our elderly relatives on a table right at the back of the room. I was quite hurt, so I understand how you are feeling, OP.

Zebraaa · 09/07/2019 23:48

YANBU. I’d be hurt too. Do you get on with the bride?

Original poster
Starlight30 · 09/07/2019 23:48

No unfortunately that wasn't the case. The other 6 people at the table were all work colleagues of the bride and all knew one another.

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 09/07/2019 23:48

At my Goddaughter's wedding I was seated at a back table with three other couples, none of whom spoke much English and they did not speak the same native language either. (Think Spanish, Japanese, and Egyptian!) At the end of the evening the bride's mother spoke to me and said "I put you at that table because I knew you were not prejudiced and would not say something that would offend them." I guess I should consider it a compliment, but it was a long and difficult meal!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 09/07/2019 23:48

At first I thought you were being precious about how far back you were sitting. But no, you’re not unreasonable to expect to sit with your family.

On a side note, the woman who made the comment needs a kick in the foof.

Teddybear45 · 09/07/2019 23:49

Sisters of the groom are often forgotten about at ceremonies which is shit enough (especially when your brothers are all at the top table) but to be seperated from your family too suggests a spectacular fuck up. I suggest you raise this privately with your brother - getting married doesn’t give anyone the right to treat family with disrespect.

DizzyMerry · 09/07/2019 23:51

It’s not OTT at all that the OP found it upsetting and her reaction certainly wasn’t dramatic either.

YANBU. What a horrible way to be treated by family. I don’t blame you for being upset. Have you spoken to your family since? I would want to know why you were singled out like that.

Biancadelrioisback · 09/07/2019 23:53

Did you RSVP late? I've ran weddings before where the couple need to shoehorn in a few extra guests who missed the RSVP date or just forgot to respond full stop thinking that "it was obvious I was going!"

Expressedways · 09/07/2019 23:57

How horrible, you’re not at all unreasonable to be upset but it was probably just a lack of thinking and juggling the number of people of each table to make sure they were roughly even. Or perhaps they did it on purpose and thought you’d have lots of fun with his work colleagues and that they were sparing you from having to sit next to an elderly great aunt or something.

If you otherwise get on well with your brother and his wife and there isn’t any other reason to think you’d be in the bad books then I’m sure it was just bad planning on their part. However, although I think anyone would be upset/annoyed I do think that crying and leaving early is a bit of an over reaction to a seating plan. How early did you go because if you weren’t in the bad books before you may well be now...

Mytholmroyd · 09/07/2019 23:57

YADNBU - goes against all protocol and expectations - I don't see how it could have been done unintentionally OP. Not surprised you were upset - it appears to be a snub. In your shoes I suspect I would have left without taking my seat but then I am old and past the age of suffering people who are rude and make me feel crap! Wink

wildflowersandweeds · 09/07/2019 23:58

I feel your pain! My (now ex) SIL hated me. They had tables of 8 or 10 people; the rest of my family were at a table of 8 while my husband and I were at a table of strangers, with me beside someone who clearly had been told all sorts about me as any time I tried to chat he sneered and turned away. Absolutely no reason not to have that group be a table of 8 and make our family table a 10!

windmill121 · 09/07/2019 23:58

My SIL did this too me. My DH was on the top table. He wasn't in the wedding party. My two older children were sat with her children next to the top table and she put me at the very end table with the random aunties.

She made it very clear to everyone what she thought of me which was just fine as I have not bothered to make an effort since. I was the one who would nag her brother to call her or visit and arrange days out but now I just don't bother. Happy days.