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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at seating at Brothers wedding

307 replies

Starlight30 · 09/07/2019 23:36

My brother recently got married and we have always been quite close and I am his only sister and youngest in the family. However, I was gutted when I found that myself and my husband were seated at the very back on the room isolated from my family and sitting with the brides work colleagues. Maybe I am being unreasonable, but I found this quite upsetting as the rest of my family(aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc) were seated at tables at the front of the room and my brothers and parents at the top table. I naturally assumed that I would be seated with my family. I was even more mortified when one of the guests at my table asked me how I knew the bride and groom. When I said I was the grooms sister the guests response was "oh dear, you must be in the bad books. Aren't family supposed to sit at the front?". Until this point I had managed to keep my self composed, but after that comment I fled to the bathrooms and broke down in tears. I ended up leaving early as I was so upset. I also couldn't help but feel a sense of anger and hurt at my brother and his wife for not advising me beforehand that I would be separated from the rest of my family. Am I right to be upset at this or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
bevelino · 10/07/2019 07:13

There must be a reason why OP was placed at the back of the room on a table with work colleagues. I have attended lots of weddings of family, friends and work colleagues and have never known this happen unless there was a reason. I would wish to know and would find out.

CruellaFeinberg · 10/07/2019 07:14

So why haven't you asked him?

Morgan12 · 10/07/2019 07:17

You just need to ask him outright. It seems very strange. I'm wondering if it was a mistake? Or was there a printed table seating plan?

ImABeanBanana · 10/07/2019 07:19

Could it have been 'put starlight there, starlight won't mind/is easy going'? You won't know unless you talk about it though!

FancyACarrot · 10/07/2019 07:19

Weird and even weirder that you didn't just ask them. I'd of said 'oh has there been some mistake'?

NeatFreakMama · 10/07/2019 07:22

They might have thought it was a 'fun' table and put you there so you have a good time? We tried to group people who we thought would get on.

Mog6840 · 10/07/2019 07:25

When I got married I did my seating plan. But when it came to setting the tables out and laying them, the venue did it. I didn't think about where in the room they would position each table. They placed the obvious ones with bridesmaids etc on at the front but it just so worked out that the table with my grandma and some pretty close family was positioned in the back corner which I hadn't realised.
Had I had the chance I would have reshuffled them.
Likeliness is that they couldn't fit an extra two on the family tables but prob didn't realise you would be positioned at the back.
Table plans are hard to figure out and keep
People happy, I wouldn't take it too personally

Brefugee · 10/07/2019 07:31

Ask him. Make sure he knows how upsetting it is.

I don't get some of the pp here. Mostly here when it's weddings it's all "family are really important, friends come and go" and now people are questioning why the OP is upset?

I have an issue about my brother's wedding. As a result i simply refuse to acknowledge it in any way (congrats on anniversaries etc). Works for me.

SinkGirl · 10/07/2019 07:34

They may not have known where each table would be situated. I had no idea when we were planning our wedding. We obviously spent a long time working out who would sit at which table, but I didn’t know where each table would be within the room. Luckily our room was long and thin so it wasn’t so much of an issue. Maybe the tables were numbered differently than they expected or they didn’t think about where the tables would be?

SnuggyBuggy · 10/07/2019 07:36

I don't blame you for being upset, I mean friends and colleagues expect to be seated near the back but it's a snub for family.

I'd bring it up, better an honest discussion than seething with resentment

NameChangeNugget · 10/07/2019 07:39

Sorry but, I think you’re being precious. 2 hours, meeting new people at someone else’s expense.... c’mon?

BarbariansMum · 10/07/2019 07:40

So at the end of the day, you had to spend what - a hour and a half- sat somewhere you didn't want to sit? And this reduced you to tears? Perhaps if you hadn't left early you could have socialised with your aunties/cousins afterwards?

MyOtherProfile · 10/07/2019 07:41

It's not an hour sitting with strangers that's an issue but the fact that they have been put aside from the rest of the family.

cakecakecheese · 10/07/2019 07:42

Hopefully it was a logistics thing, not enough room on the family table and that was the only table with any spare seats. Still I can see why you're upset and that comment, although it was a joke it was insensitive, what if there had been some family drama?

madeyemoodysmum · 10/07/2019 07:42

Could it be they thought you would be easiest to move as you wouldn’t mind. In their head this might have been the case???

Either that or your sil is a bitch??

Sceptre86 · 10/07/2019 07:46

It is not unreasonable for the OP to have expected to sit with her family as they were all seated out together. I can completely understand that you may have felt isolated and awkward however you should now take the time to speak to your brother or sil. Could they have put you there to take care of her friends?

Allornothingnow · 10/07/2019 07:47

I went to a family wedding where two family members had fallen out and could not be seated together. The person who was moved and had to sit at a table on her own with people she didn’t know when actually she would have been ok at the family table. It was the other person who had the issue and he sat with family laughing and joking. I felt bad for her and tbh I would not have attended if I were her as it was very noticeable that she was excluded.

This doesn’t sound like the situation in your case but it is odd so I would find out.

BarbariansMum · 10/07/2019 07:48

Yes of course madeye. Its all the evil SiL's doing. OPs brother had no say at all. Hmm

MzHz · 10/07/2019 07:48

No it’s not the duration of the seating, it’s what it represents. We all know this, it’s completely obtuse to suggest that you’re unreasonable to feel slighted at this, because this is very likely the intention of the seating.

MzHz · 10/07/2019 07:49

Thing is, a lot of herons don’t get involved in the seating, and they don’t actually pick up on the nuances of digs like this

MzHz · 10/07/2019 07:49

Herons? GROOMS!

Bythepath · 10/07/2019 07:52

At my sisters wedding a few months ago I was Maid of Honour, did a reading etc etc. We are very close. I was sat the furthest table away from the top table with my DH and DC and then 2 of her old school friends and their DC. She told me in advance and said that they didnt really know where to sit the others and knew we would be Ok anywhere. It was fine. Could it be something like this but they didnt tell you.

pictish · 10/07/2019 07:57

I’m not one for fussing over weddings at all but I think in this instance even I would have felt slighted.
Take your brother aside and broach it with him. He’s your brother...you get on well with him. This is definitely something you can talk to him about. Clear the air.

AtSea1979 · 10/07/2019 07:58

Did all the tables only seat 7? So they sat a family of 3 and 2 couples at each table and you were the only single one?

pictish · 10/07/2019 07:59

See I think bythepath has it. The thought you wouldn’t mind where you were sitting so they popped you in wherever.