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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are they just shit parents?

170 replies

Peggytheunicorn · 09/07/2019 18:19

I am fully prepared to be told I BU
But I have to ask DH nephew is 25 his gf is 23
Both are lazy AF
They live with MIL & FIL
They have an 8 month old DS that came from a one night stand and nobody has questioned the child’s paternity not that it is important to me.
But these two are lazy
They stay in bed till midday Whilst MIL looks after baby they go for weekends away and such whilst baby is with MIL.

I just think that it’s wrong they never ever have their own child ever.

The baby’s mum is so lazy she sleeps in every day when I ask mil why she allows it, she simply says
“Because they are young”
Wtf
I was 17 and raising my twin DS alone in my own flat at that age!
Am I being horrible or am I right in thinking this is not great?

OP posts:

PancakeAndKeith · 09/07/2019 19:54

The do sound useless but it’s got bugger all to do with you and even less to do with us.

Go the sisterhood here
Don’t think because we both have fannies I have to agree with you.

Rainonmyguitar · 09/07/2019 19:54

You including the OP in that statement then? Because I can’t think of any reason why someone would start such a nasty thread about their so called “family”

Here's an idea. When you see a thread that you don't like...scroll on by.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/07/2019 19:58

Where are the GPs in all this? Surely they should be telling their DS he needs to sort things out and stop taking advantage of his GPs

Itssosunny · 09/07/2019 19:59

I was 17 and raising my twin DS alone in my own flat at that age!

Is your DH the father of the twins and if so why were you bringing them up alone at 17 years of age when you needed his help? It must have been very hard for you.

To your previous question, I would agree with you that the couple is lazy but what a wonderful MIL they have. Thankfully, the child isn't neglected. What do you want MIL to do - to throw them out of the house? The child then will be taken away from the couple because of neglect. It's really good that the child is loved and cared by the MIL.

Aprillygirl · 09/07/2019 20:00

They sound incredibly lazy OP but perhaps your MIL enjoys looking after the baby. Even if she doesn't and just does it to indulge them, or because she's worried the baby wouldn't be properly cared for otherwise that's her problem and really is no business of yours is it?

NoSauce · 09/07/2019 20:02

I asked you if you were including the OP in your “What a horrible crowd of bitter and twisted harpies there are here” statement. I didn’t actually say I didn’t like the content so no need to scroll on!

Itssosunny · 09/07/2019 20:03

Let’s set the record straight it was not a council flat nor was I a SP
my Bf now my DH worked

So DH is the father of the twins. So you weren't raising them all by yourself in your flat then as he was involved in it.
How was your future MIL then? Did she offer some help with the twins?

bingbongnoise · 09/07/2019 20:03

OP:

'AIBU to think this?'

Almost everyone:

YES.

OP: 'No I'm not, you are all wrong and I am entitled to my opinion.'

@Peggytheunicorn

Why the F bother posting - on AIBU - just to dismiss anyone who disagrees with you?

And yeah YABU!!! What the F has any of this got to do with you? Keep your beak out of other peoples business! You said you are fully prepared to be told YABU, and yet you are clearly not.

And as a few posters have said, what a vile and spiteful comment you made about the paternity of the baby. You sound like a very unpleasant person.

Maryann1975 · 09/07/2019 20:03

Op, I can’t believe the hard time you’ve got on here.

The baby’s parents sound absolutely useless and I can’t believe they let the great grandmother care for her while they stay in bed all day. How does she feel about the situation though? Like she has to get up with the baby because if she doesn’t no one else will? Or does she genuinely want to be involved? Maybe she fears if she doesn’t help they will leave and they will be left on their own? How old are they? I’m picturing a really elderly grandmother but I guess the great grandmother could be relatively young and in her early 60s really.
But regardless, a baby should be cared for by its parents. A pp commented that the mum might have PND and this is a valid suggestion but if the dad isn’t working he should be stepping up and looking after the baby surely!

The only positive is that at least there is someone looking out for the child and that has to be better than no one looking out for the child and them becoming a child in care.
I don’t think being a parent at 23 is young at all! And that is no excuse for them not caring for their own dc.

Sallyseagull · 09/07/2019 20:04

You come across quite badly in your OP. Unless it directly affects you I think you should leave them to it.

NoSauce · 09/07/2019 20:06

Have you just joined or did you NC OP?

nanbread · 09/07/2019 20:08

I don't get why everyone on these threads says things like "none of your business" when OP is worrying about her elderly in laws looking after a baby. Who will most likely only become more challenging as they get older. And is also concerned about the impact on the baby itself. If I were her I'd also be worried about the parents themselves, especially the mum, and wonder if perhaps she's struggling to bond with the baby.

They're her relatives.

When can something become someone's business, and when are you allowed to express concern to a third party?

NoSauce · 09/07/2019 20:13

It doesn’t come across like there’s worry for her PILs, just a goady, judgemental rant about her good for nothing BIL and his useless GF. It’s probably made up anyway.

NeckPainChairSearch · 09/07/2019 20:13

I don't get why everyone on these threads says things like "none of your business" when OP is worrying about her elderly in laws looking after a baby

It depends. The OP could have posted at a different time and got thoughtful, considered responses about her concerns. It's the luck of the draw.

As it was, some posters started with fairly horrendous comments and the ones who like nothing better than a pile on joined in.

Sallyseagull · 09/07/2019 20:13

@nanbread , none of the OP here shows any concern for the grandparents and neither does it say they're elderly.

HiJenny35 · 09/07/2019 20:17

So you want the 'sisterhood' to be supportive to you whilst slagging off your nephew, his partner and your sister for enabling it. Pretty selective sisterhood you are part of.
Are they lazy, maybe, are they lucky to have a grandparent who likes helping probably, is baby sleeping at night? Are they having personal problems? Has she pnd? Are they fed up with mil overstepping and feel like they don't get a chance with baby? Who knows, the one thing I'm pretty sure of is that they don't need you with your little miss judge pants comparing them, putting them down and bigging yourself up.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/07/2019 20:18

It's none of your business. You sound like another of these people who 'raised my kids and got no help' (though you were living with a partner who was supporting you financially) so you think parenthood is all about martyrdom. It sounds like this family have an arrangement that suits them, so keep your beak out. You interfering will make things worse: the least awful option is you getting told to go fuck yourself (which is really no more than you deserve.)

Rainonmyguitar · 09/07/2019 20:18

It depends. The OP could have posted at a different time and got thoughtful, considered responses about her concerns. It's the luck of the draw

As it was, some posters started with fairly horrendous comments and the ones who like nothing better than a pile on joined in

Yeah that pretty much sums it up. All the nasties shouting about "it's none of your business OP" but they then think OPs past is their business .

OldIrishTERF · 09/07/2019 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/07/2019 20:23

'Report them to social service@ - FFS that comment wins the Idiot of the Day award. The baby is not at risk, not being neglected: it's being cared for by a loving grandmother.

ddl1 · 09/07/2019 20:25

Well, they seem a bit immature to be parents; and the whole situation rather less than ideal - if it's being reported accurately; there seems to be a bit of family gossip going on. But the most important person in the story is the baby; and it sounds as though MIL is looking after him well, whether his parents are pulling their weight or not. And he certainly isn't the first child in history to be brought up at least partly by his granny, and won't be the last. If he's loved and looked after, that's the main thing.

IamWaggingBrenda · 09/07/2019 20:26

Possibly they’re lousy parents, but it sounds like MIL is happy to look after the baby, so I don’t know why you care one way or another. I think you’re being judgy and just want us to agree with you. It sounds like the wee one is cared for, and that is all that really matters.

whattodo2019 · 09/07/2019 20:28

Sleeping that long isn't great. Do you think they could be depressed? Sounds like they would all benefit from a good routine

Verily1 · 09/07/2019 20:29

I get it.

You had not one but 2 dcs and were young and were left to do 90% of the parenting, enshewing your young adulthood.

Then you see these two who have a dc and are seemingly getting an easy ride of it in the parenting stakes.

I can see where the resentment comes from. But life isn’t fair, some people have it easier than others. You’re just going to have to suck it up and don’t post on AIBU!

People in glass houses...

ghostyslovesheets · 09/07/2019 20:32

it's always twins

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