Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel gutted?

154 replies

ToffeePennie · 09/07/2019 13:16

Myself and my husband always said for our 6 year wedding anniversary we would do something really special (don’t know why 6 years but it seemed important to us). We’ve always talked with our families about how special and magical it will be, even if it’s just a night out. We have been very clear on this one.
This morning a close relative of my husband announced her (big) birthday party to take place the same night as our anniversary. This is to coordinate with another relative who is attending a posh dinner the weekend before.
I’m gutted. After all our careful plans, taste testing a couple of restaurants, arranging for our children to sleepover at grandparents and planning outfits and stuff, it now seems it’s more important that my husband attend this relatives party.
The rest of his family (who knew our plans) have made it very clear we need to attend this party, and ignore our anniversary plans or put them on hold because this big birthday is more important.
I don’t know what to do. this birthday is important and now instead of looking forward to a meal and a night “off” I’m looking at a night of wrangling my kids and eating pub food in the back room with loads of my husbands family. I’m just really gutted now and Aibu to feel disappointed? (The babysitters aren’t free until November now)

OP posts:
FairyDust92 · 09/07/2019 13:17

Not ideal but can you not still go out and then go to the party afterwards?

AuntieDolly · 09/07/2019 13:18

Just tell them you cant go as you have other plans.

Summertimeatthebeach · 09/07/2019 13:19

Find another babysitter and keep to your plans. As an adult you absolutely can't be railroaded into going anyway remember!
Your life your choices.

plunkplunkfizz · 09/07/2019 13:20

How do you taste test a restaurant?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/07/2019 13:20

Just go and do your anniversary thing and send your apologies to the birthday person.

They can make it clear that you have to attend all they like, but what can they do? Ground you?

Go and enjoy your lovely meal with your husband Flowers

Rivkka · 09/07/2019 13:20

Get a better babysitter and go out the night before? Stay out til gone midnight and celebrate it then.

Looneytune253 · 09/07/2019 13:22

Jeez this all sounds a bit intense. Why can't you just go out for a meal another night?

Reallybadidea · 09/07/2019 13:23

Your DH needs to stand up to his family.

newmomof1 · 09/07/2019 13:24

Your plans were arranged first - stick with them and send your apologies.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/07/2019 13:24

I think You need to realise that although your anniversary is important to You and your dh, it really doesn't mean anything to anyone else. I would understand silver or golden anniversary but 6 years? Confused

colourlessgreenidea · 09/07/2019 13:30

I’ll be honest, massive plans/menu tasting for a relatively minor anniversary seems rather intense, but they can’t force you to go, or ‘punish’ you for not going, so what’s the issue?

I doubt they’ve realised this is a huge, non-negotiable deal for you - barely anyone remembers other people’s anniversaries, let alone their ultra-special (Confused) sixth anniversary.

Also, there are other babysitters without 4-month waiting lists. If it’s that special and magical, hire in some childcare.

Kanga83 · 09/07/2019 13:34

If this was a few years ago I would have sworn this was my sister and her huge '5th wedding anniversary party'. It was mental. I don't get the big deal, why not save up for an amazing 10th holiday? 6th isn't really all that (unless you didn't think you'd make it to 6?) . You don't need to go to the party, but YABU to be annoyed a big birthday trumps 6th anniversary really.

itsallgoingsouth · 09/07/2019 13:44

Sorry but can you explain why your 6th anniversary is so important to you? What were your plans and who was invited?

MyFokMarelize · 09/07/2019 13:46

6 years? Confused Really? Can't get my head round this. At all.

And how DO you 'taste test' a restaurant?

Magenta82 · 09/07/2019 13:48

I don't get it and I don't think many other people will either. Is this a reverse?

You don't have to go to the party, you could get other child care and still go to your special restaurant, but a nicer and kinder thing to do would be to rearrange and go to the party.

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 09/07/2019 13:50

You have gone to the extent of taste testing restaurants?

Do you mean, you have tried a few restaurants to see where you want to go for your 6th Anniveray meal?

Honestly, yabu. Dont go to the party. But the extent you are planning this night out and the way you expect everyone else to plan around it, is very very odd.

LazyLizzy · 09/07/2019 13:51

I wouldn't understand the significance of a 6th anniversary.

It would just look like you are being contrary making out your 6 years is more important than say a siblings 40th or 50th birthday.

Merryoldgoat · 09/07/2019 13:51

We’ve always talked with our families about how special and magical it will be, even if it’s just a night out. We have been very clear on this one.

I'm sorry but this is strange. It's very nice to celebrate your wedding anniversary however you like, but the idea anyone else will be even vaguely interested, particularly for a 6 year anniversary, is very self-indulgent I'm afraid.

Rivkka · 09/07/2019 13:52

Maybe they've had a difficult few years at the start of their marriage and that's why it's so important, that was my first thought. My friend was the same.

TerribleTwosPhase · 09/07/2019 13:53

Can you just not go the party?
Or have your dinner another night and hire a babysitter?
I understand your upset that its the same night as your plans but i dont think it needs to be such a drama, just decline the party invite and explain you already had plans.

EssentialHummus · 09/07/2019 13:55

I’m all about taste-testing restaurants OP - otherwise known as eating in them.

Up to you really - tell everyone that this date is really special/important to the two of you so you unfortunately won’t make the party, or move your day a week/month along. Either is fine; it’s for you two to decide.

CatG85 · 09/07/2019 13:55

I have to be honest and say that I'd think a family members milestone birthday would trump a 6th wedding anniversary too BUT that being said, if you both don't want to go then don't. You're grown ups, do what you want to do. Look for another babysitter and go enjoy yourselves.
How does DH feel? Is he as gutted? Was he as excited and involved in the planning for your celebrations as you have been?

itsallafiddle · 09/07/2019 13:55

Im struggling to get past the idea of making such a fuss over a "magical" 6th wedding anniversary tbh.
By all means don't go to the family meal if you don't want to, you are both adults and can make your own decisions.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 09/07/2019 13:56

Not much you can do.

Either go to the party or do the restaurant, there’s not really place for a compromise there.

CoffeeRunner · 09/07/2019 13:58

Reply that unfortunately you won’t be able to attend the party as you have other plans that night.

Simple.