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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel gutted?

154 replies

ToffeePennie · 09/07/2019 13:16

Myself and my husband always said for our 6 year wedding anniversary we would do something really special (don’t know why 6 years but it seemed important to us). We’ve always talked with our families about how special and magical it will be, even if it’s just a night out. We have been very clear on this one.
This morning a close relative of my husband announced her (big) birthday party to take place the same night as our anniversary. This is to coordinate with another relative who is attending a posh dinner the weekend before.
I’m gutted. After all our careful plans, taste testing a couple of restaurants, arranging for our children to sleepover at grandparents and planning outfits and stuff, it now seems it’s more important that my husband attend this relatives party.
The rest of his family (who knew our plans) have made it very clear we need to attend this party, and ignore our anniversary plans or put them on hold because this big birthday is more important.
I don’t know what to do. this birthday is important and now instead of looking forward to a meal and a night “off” I’m looking at a night of wrangling my kids and eating pub food in the back room with loads of my husbands family. I’m just really gutted now and Aibu to feel disappointed? (The babysitters aren’t free until November now)

OP posts:
Waiting1987 · 09/07/2019 15:33

“Magical” Confused
I don’t see how dinner and a night out can be described as magical. Unless you were off to Disney or to see a magician.

plunkplunkfizz · 09/07/2019 15:41

I taste tested a steak bake for lunch today. Twas magical.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/07/2019 15:54

I don't think a 6th wedding anniversary is a particularly big event. Can't you go out a different night?

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 09/07/2019 16:00

Given that the ops amd her DHS proposal was low key because that was 'totally us'. I am guessing this is a reverse. Dont see how low key and relaxed is totally the op, but all this angst over their 6th wedding anniversary is also exactly what the OP wants.

Yes I did AS. I was being nosey and wanted to know if the OP has display other over the top behaviour.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/07/2019 16:14

Like everyone else, I'm baffled by the big fuss for a 6th wedding anniversary. However, you have plans so stuck with them. Other people's birthdays are rarely important (unless it's my children).

Jjou · 09/07/2019 16:20

'Special & magical'? That's a lot of pressure to put on a night out with your husband. Me and DH would just end up having a barney at some point. It's a bit like New Year's Eve - all the pressure to have The! Best! Time! Ever! and it's always just a bit meh. The best nights are usually the impromptu ones.

Anyway, you don't have to go to your DH's family party. Nothing will happen if you don't. But you can't blame them for not grasping the significance of the 6-year milestone.

mummmy2017 · 09/07/2019 16:20

Get granny to have the children the night before,. Stay near by eat the night before, spend the day in bed,. Get up and go to the party , sill get who ever is going to look after your children to do so, another night away.... Oh and get DH to present you with new ring on one knee in middle of party.

Shoxfordian · 09/07/2019 16:21

Tell them you can't go as you have other plans

mrsm43s · 09/07/2019 16:28

Can't you just move your plans by a week either side? (TBH, I think most people would consider that by having a big celebration on your sixth anniversary, you've already brought the event forward by 19 years!)

If you got married on a Saturday, 6 years later your anniversary won't actually fall on a Saturday, so just move your celebration to the weekend the other side of your anniversary.

You are, fundamentally, just talking about going out to dinner with your DH, no? It shouldn't be giving you this much grief!

highheelsandbobblehats · 09/07/2019 16:33

Am I the only one who can't even remember what they did on their 6th wedding anniversary?! We had our 10th last week. It was our children's sports day and we spent it on the school field, squeezing in a quick lunch between KS1 and KS2 sessions.

Personally I think you're being melodramatic OP. Don't go to the party if you don't want to go. You're an adult. And if the babysitters are looking to back out because they want to attend, perhaps remind them that they had committed to you first. Or pay a babysitter.

EleanorOalike · 09/07/2019 16:34

This has to be a reverse surely?

It seems very strange to be going to such an extreme extent for a 6th wedding anniversary! Taste testing, not wanting other people to celebrate their big birthday on your sixth wedding anniversary. It’s unusual and most people wouldn’t understand the intensity of your feelings. I don’t think the other party is doing anything wrong. Stick to your plans if it’s that big a deal but understand most people will not see this as a priority- it’s a big deal to you, no one else.

Knitwit99 · 09/07/2019 16:35

Were you planning to invite other people to your night or just the two of you?
If it's just the two of you find another babysitter and do your thing. An invitation is not a summons, you can say no.

bert3400 · 09/07/2019 16:40

I really don't get it - 6 years - really ?
Do you normally find it tricky when plans are disrupted or changed.?
Why are you so stuck on this 6 year anniversary, is 6 your lucky number ?

Original poster
ToffeePennie · 09/07/2019 21:15

The reason it’s our 6 year anniversary is because it marks 15 years since we started seeing each other. My husband came up with the idea; he thought it would be nice to celebrate really random not important anniversaries.
I had no idea it was the relatives special birthday. I do not send birthday cards or gifts to my husbands side of the family, so I wouldn’t have known.
My parents are the babysitters. They have work functions/hospital appointments/holidays and other things going on every weekend now until the second week in November.
We won’t be going out for our anniversary, we will be attending the birthday party.
I just wondered if it was wrong of me to feel gutted that I now have an evening of children and pub food, rather than the really nice meal we had planned.
(Taste test - just ask a restaurant if they do a tasting plate - most places will do you one for a minimal charge. We did this at 3 places where we have always wanted to eat but couldn’t afford to pay that much.)

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 09/07/2019 21:23

Eh? 6th wedding anniversary? You always talked about it being special and magical?

Okaaaaay....

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/07/2019 21:25

Honestly, you had plans to stick to them.

SillyMoomin · 09/07/2019 21:28

Stick your plans

Find a different babysitter? Hire one from a local nursery? Pay the teenager next door?

Seriously not getting angst about this. Stick to your plans. Your relative can stick to her bday plans. Confused

Whoops75 · 09/07/2019 21:30

Definitely stick to your plans.

Ye could always drop into the party before ye head home.

twistyturnycurlywhirly · 09/07/2019 21:33

Just go the following weekend, or the weekend before. Or two weeks after etc. As long as you celebrate, it doesn't matter what day you do it. What a fuss about nothing.

Alb1 · 09/07/2019 21:42

If your parents are the babysitters I don’t see why you can’t still have a ‘night off’ without the kids at this party? I’d be gutted too, but you can still make the most of it, it’s not like the party is a magical thing for kids if it’s in a pub.

Yessers · 09/07/2019 21:44

Just go out to eat with your husband as planned. I wouldn't go on about what a special anniversary and magical night it was going to be when politely declining. I would just say we were sorry but we had prior arrangements. Or go and enjoy yourselves and eat with your husband another night.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/07/2019 21:45

Who's birthday is it @ToffeePennieand how old will they be?

Carpetburns · 09/07/2019 21:52

I agree with your DH's whole family who think that a big birthday of a close relative supersedes your (random) 6th anniversary meal. I'm also fairly convinced you could find another babysitter before November, and rearrange your night out with your husband. Do you expect anyone else to remember or celebrate your 6th anniversary?Confused Get some perspective, OP.

headinhands · 09/07/2019 21:53

We’ve always talked with our families about how special and magical it will be

I can imagine how riveting these conversations are for your families.

AgnesNutterWitch · 09/07/2019 22:04

Bit of a pile on here for poor OP. Clearly she's been looking forward to a special night out, time away from the kids, a bit of romance, a bit of just feeling special and having a treat. Which honestly, we all kind of need from time to time.

The fact that it's six years isn't piss take worthy, all milestones are basically arbitrary. Things have meaning because we ascribe meaning to them. This was the milestone they personally chose to make extra special date night plans for, which have now been pushed aside for family obligations.

By the sounds of things, it's obviously logistically difficult for OP to get childcare and have a date night and she obviously wanted to savour it and make the most of the opportunity.

Maybe can people stop taking the piss out of her for that?