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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very difficult situation DP v DBro. AIBU for DBro to charge DP rent?

321 replies

Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:09

I'm buying a flat in joint names with DBro. DBro is putting money into the flat as an investment but the flat is being bought for me to live in.

The flat is in a different city to where DP currently lives. I've previously said to DP if he moves in I wouldn't charge him rent. DP has applied for a job in the city where the flat is.

I wouldn't charge DP rent on my share but would DBro be unreasonable to charge DP a reduced rate of rent on his share?

DP is now angry at me because I didn't tell him he may have to pay rent on DBro's share and he said he wouldn't have applied for the job in the city the flat is in if he had known. I said I wouldn't charge him rent, but I have no control over DBro's share and surely he is being unreasonable to expect DBro to let him live there rent free?

OP posts:
Beldon · 08/07/2019 21:14

You needed to make that clear to him, think majority of people would have thought the same way as dp. I’m not surprised he is angry

jellyfrizz · 08/07/2019 21:15

Are you paying your brother rent for your brother's share?

TheFlis12345 · 08/07/2019 21:15

So he would expect to live completely rent free and you and DBro to pay for him? YANBU, he is being a CF.

Northernknickers · 08/07/2019 21:16

Of course your brother can do what he wants with regard to charging rent...however...unless you were extremely transparent with your partner when you suggested that he move in with you, with your 'I won't charge you rent' statement, you are now simply back peddling, which is mean! Did you specifically say, 'I won't charge you rent, but my brother might!' Or did you stop at 'I won't charge you rent'?

Because if I'd heard,'I won't charge you rent' I would have assumed that no rent would be charged! By anyone! How was he supposed to deduce or infer that someone else, other than you, might charge him rent?

So yes, YABU 🤷‍♀️

Geminijes · 08/07/2019 21:17

I think it's unreasonable of your DP expecting to live rent free.

Just because he's applied for the job doesn't mean he has to take it if he's offered it. No need for him to be angry.

Xyzzzzz · 08/07/2019 21:17

He’s only applied for a job not accepted - but I’ve totally missed the point. I think to accept to live with you rent free is CF material.

Northernknickers · 08/07/2019 21:19

@TheFlis12345 he's not 'expecting' it...he was TOLD specifically that it wasn't an issue. That he didn't need to pay anything. How is that cheeky? It would only be cheeky if he'd asked (or assumed) to live rent free.

Countrylifeornot · 08/07/2019 21:19

YABU, very! You needed to be explicit, you implied that it would be rent free, not 50% rent free.

MissingMo · 08/07/2019 21:19

YABU if you didn't explain at the time that you not charging rent didn't mean he wouldn't have to pay rent on your brothers share.

Crispyturtle · 08/07/2019 21:19

Well if he’s only applied for the job then he can withdraw & it ceases to be a problem, surely? He’s just trying to make you feel bad so you convince your bro not to charge him any rent & he gets to live rent free.

babysharkah · 08/07/2019 21:19

Why should your dp live rent free?

fedup21 · 08/07/2019 21:20

Why does he think it’s ok for him not to pay any rent?!

Merryoldgoat · 08/07/2019 21:21
  1. I think it bizarre your DP is expecting to pay zero rent or why you’d not expect him to.
  1. If your brother pays any of the mortgage then it’s entirely reasonable for him to charge rent on that portion if he wants to.
Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:22

He's got an interview

It would only be a reduced rate of rent so like £200 a month!

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 08/07/2019 21:22

Has he given notice on his current place?

NailsNeedDoing · 08/07/2019 21:22

I think in that situation, it's unreasonable for your brother to decide that because you choose to live with your boyfriend, then he gets rent that he wouldn't have needed or expected otherwise.

If you are paying rent to your brother, then that's between the two of you, and it would be up to you and your dp to decide if he contributes to what you owe already. As you've said you wouldn't charge rent, your dp is NBU to have expected not to pay rent. Although he should of course be making an equal contribution to all the other bills.

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:22

@DrinkFeckArseGirls he's living with his parents

OP posts:
CatToddlerUprising · 08/07/2019 21:23

If your DP is getting angry over paying rent and wants to be a cocklodger then he sounds like an arse hole to be honest. It’ll turn in to- why should I pay towards council tax? Electricity and gas? Food?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/07/2019 21:23

Woah! So there has been a misunderstanding and his reaction is to be and and, basically, to tell you that if he had known he wasn't going to be living rent free he wouldn't have wanted to move in with you?

Keep your fingers crossed he doesn't get the job and tell him to go home and think his life through! Send anything he has in your home with him!

He has shown an very unpleasant side to himself there... how do you feel about it?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/07/2019 21:24

Oh! Crossed post! That explains that then. Have a serious re-thnk about this man. What else will he expect to be given for free?

florentina1 · 08/07/2019 21:24

When my son separated I went half each with him paying a 50% deposit on a house. He paid the mortgage on the rest. My younger son moved in with him and paid me rent. I think you BF should definitely pay rent to your brother.

PooWillyBumBum · 08/07/2019 21:25

He sounds like a bit of a dick. This would be a red flag for me.

He’s saying he wouldn’t have offered to move in with you if he wasn’t able to live there rent free. What!?

GPatz · 08/07/2019 21:25

Is he aware of the situation between you and Dbro? It's weird to say 'I won't charge you rent', then not say 'but Dbro might'.

My DP lived rent free with me for a year. He paid towards bills. He wasn't a CF, he moved in me as I couldn't move into his much nicer flat in a much nicer area due to my pets.

Iflyaway · 08/07/2019 21:25

I'd see his attitude as a red flag...

Who the hell expects to live rent-free?

Is he cheap in general?

SagAloojah · 08/07/2019 21:26

Your DP is a CF for wanting to live rent free.

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