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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very difficult situation DP v DBro. AIBU for DBro to charge DP rent?

321 replies

Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:09

I'm buying a flat in joint names with DBro. DBro is putting money into the flat as an investment but the flat is being bought for me to live in.

The flat is in a different city to where DP currently lives. I've previously said to DP if he moves in I wouldn't charge him rent. DP has applied for a job in the city where the flat is.

I wouldn't charge DP rent on my share but would DBro be unreasonable to charge DP a reduced rate of rent on his share?

DP is now angry at me because I didn't tell him he may have to pay rent on DBro's share and he said he wouldn't have applied for the job in the city the flat is in if he had known. I said I wouldn't charge him rent, but I have no control over DBro's share and surely he is being unreasonable to expect DBro to let him live there rent free?

OP posts:
escapade1234 · 08/07/2019 21:52

What does your brother get out of the arrangement?

Why are you with this man-child who wants to take advantage of you financially?

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/07/2019 21:53

He should pay rent on both halves of the flat, you should have been clearer.

There is no way either you or your brother should subsidise your partner's housing costs.

TowelNumber42 · 08/07/2019 21:53

Sounds like DBro has spotted that you are dating a loser and is helping you to see it.

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:54

@escapade1234 DBro gets rent from me in 2 years time in addition to me paying the full mortgage. He will also get half of the sale proceeds when the flat is sold

I don't think DP is trying to take advantage financially but he can't see why he should go from living rent free with his parents to moving to a new city to pay rent to DBro

OP posts:
almostn9ne · 08/07/2019 21:55

So you both own it but you're the only one paying for it? Am I missing something?

lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 21:56

You're being really unclear OP.

Is it:

  1. You want to charge DP rent, to cover the half of the mortgage that you pay on behalf of DBro.

  2. You will be paying he whole mortgage and, in addition, DBro will be charging your DP rent.

Or something else?

category12 · 08/07/2019 21:56

It was misleading to say you wouldn't charge him rent and then drop that your brother would in further down the road, so I'm not surprised he's pissed off.

But not paying rent isn't really a realistic expectation - it would be feathering his own nest at your expense, which is a bad sign for where his head is when it comes to money/partnership.

But he hasn't actually got the job and hasn't moved or lost anything, so he can just stay where he is with his parents and not pay rent there. I recommend that.

Wheresthebeach · 08/07/2019 21:56

Wow.
Ditch and run. Manchild alert. A grown man shouldn't live rent free, he ought to want to contribute to where he is living. He's only moving in with you because it's free. That's not good.

tealandteal · 08/07/2019 21:57

If you are paying rent in addition to the mortgage surely you are buying yourself a bigger share of the property? To split 50/50 in 10 years time would be very unfair. Your DP should have offered someone money towards the rent/mortgage

Redshoeblueshoe · 08/07/2019 21:57

Bloody hell so you are being taken advantage of by your DB and your DP Shock

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:58

@almostn9ne we both own it but I'll be paying the mortgage while I live there. He has contributed to the deposit and we will pay all the loans we took for the property back together (parents etc)

OP posts:
theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 08/07/2019 21:58

How old is your boyfriend? How long will it take him to save a deposit?

It’s not U for him to pay his share of bills, etc. if he moved in with you.

CJsGoldfish · 08/07/2019 21:59

OP, are you listening to what people are saying despite the fact it might be hard to hear?
Do not let this man child move in with you. I cannot fathom anyone thinking they can live rent free for whatever reason but simply because he 'doesn't want to pay someone elses mortgage'? A bit insulting when it is YOUR mortgage, the one he supposedly loves. Doesn't scream to me that he's looking towards a future together.

How old is he?

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:59

@lottiegarbanzo I will be paying he whole mortgage and, in addition, DBro will be charging DP rent.

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 08/07/2019 22:00

Pretty normal situation for the buying in expensive places. Pool your deposits on a one bed place. You both have an asset. Result. One person lives in it and pays half the mortgage. They theoretically pay rent on the other half, which goes to the co-owner, but in order to cut out the middleman that rent goes straight to the mortgage.

The co-owner has no use of their deposit any more. The co-owner probably can't get another mortgage until sale. The co-owner has to oay to live somewhere else. Thus they are at a disadvantage. It balances out.

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 22:00

He is early 20s. He definitely wants a future together, we are getting married by 26

OP posts:
almostn9ne · 08/07/2019 22:00

Can you get some legal advice, @Jetsetterf, before you go into this with your brother?

It sounds financially messy and potentially weighted towards your brother, and that's without the further complication of how you arrange things with your DP at some stage in the future.

TruffleShuffles · 08/07/2019 22:01

Did you purchase this property 50/50 with your DB OP? Unless I’m misunderstanding your explanation it seems the biggest CF here is your DB.

MagneticSingularity · 08/07/2019 22:02

Of course he should pay rent, why does he get to live rent free off not only you but your brother. What were you about agreeing not to have him pay rent in the first place?

Soontobe60 · 08/07/2019 22:02

I'm not clear on what's going on.
We need figures. How much deposit did you and your DH pay each? How big is the mortgage? Why are you paying all the mortgage?
If your house cost £150k and you paid £15k deposit leaving your with a mortgage of £135k, which you are solely paying for 2 years, then all your DH should get back is his deposit if you sold after 2 years.
Your dp, who lets face it is a boyfriend, not a partner, is totally taking the piss thinking he shouldn't pay any rent. But so is your DH if he thinks your boyfriend should pay him rent.

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 22:03

@almostn9ne the irony is that I'm a solicitor...
I'm going to make a spreadsheet and input both of our contributions. It's really difficult because I don't know how long I'll be living in the flat. The mortgage payment every month is also really low.

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 08/07/2019 22:03

Your DP should indeed stay living with his parents while he saves. Is that a problem?

Why wouldn't you have charged him rent yourself btw? Do you have oodles of disposable income so you are happy subbing someone else's savings account?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 08/07/2019 22:03

So partner issue aside have I got this correct?

You're paying the mortgage?
Your partner would pay your brother £200 a month?
You and your partner would split all the bills?

Your brothers got himself quite a cushy number here hasn't he? He would be making a tidy profit each month and get 50% of the house if sold and is paying for nothing!

lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 22:03

You arrangement with your DBro is very odd.

Surely either you each pay half the mortgage, he charges you rent to cover his half. Or, you pay the whole mortgage.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 08/07/2019 22:04

I am massively confused- why you are paying all the mortgage for two years then rent plus mortgage? Has your DB put up majority/all the capital to buy the property and you are essentially buying your way back to 50% ownership even though the house is jointly owned on paper?

Your DP is an idiot if he writes off renting from people as he resents paying their mortgage. He needs to live in the real world.

Even putting aside my confusion re the finances around your property, the sheer audacity of him that he thinks its ok to just contribute to bills and not rent so he can save for is own property is mindboggling.

Take your rent/mortgage payment and divide it by two- that is what you are paying each month towards a mortgage for him that you wont see a penny of.