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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very difficult situation DP v DBro. AIBU for DBro to charge DP rent?

321 replies

Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:09

I'm buying a flat in joint names with DBro. DBro is putting money into the flat as an investment but the flat is being bought for me to live in.

The flat is in a different city to where DP currently lives. I've previously said to DP if he moves in I wouldn't charge him rent. DP has applied for a job in the city where the flat is.

I wouldn't charge DP rent on my share but would DBro be unreasonable to charge DP a reduced rate of rent on his share?

DP is now angry at me because I didn't tell him he may have to pay rent on DBro's share and he said he wouldn't have applied for the job in the city the flat is in if he had known. I said I wouldn't charge him rent, but I have no control over DBro's share and surely he is being unreasonable to expect DBro to let him live there rent free?

OP posts:
Teacakeandalatte · 08/07/2019 21:39

Yeah I think this is a good time for a rethink all round. It's not fair for your dp to live rent free in a house you are buying. He should be making a contribution.

GU24Mum · 08/07/2019 21:39

I'd usually think your OH was being unreasonable but I'm not sure I do here. If he is happy living at home and is saving a bit of money then if you asked him to get a job where you will be living on the basis that it won't cost him any money he probably does feel as though you've changed the goalposts. Luckily presumably he hasn't left his current job so now he can look at it with all the facts (which you hadn't give him before!).

lottiegarbanzo · 08/07/2019 21:39

You said no rent. Now you're saying there's rent.

The flat was bought for you to live in. Just you? No lodgers? Are you paying rent to your brother? Unless yes to one or other, your bro is being very opportunistic and DP has every right to feel that he's taking advantage.

Is this DP or a boyfriend btw? If DP you'd surely have expected to live together at some point and planned that into the purchase.

BlueSkiesLies · 08/07/2019 21:40

Freeloader.

Of course your brother should charge him rent on his half.

SavingSpaces2019 · 08/07/2019 21:40

He doesn't want to pay rent anywhere because he doesn't want to pay towards anyone's mortgage
Cocklodger alert!
So he expects to live for free until the day does what - buy a place of his own with a mortgage?

Even if your brother didn't own half the property it would still make sense to charge your DP a nominal amount of rent - to cover things like wear and tear, maintenance, repairs etc.
Will he be paying 50% of bills and stuff?
Or does he expect that to be free as well because mum and dad pay for it currently?

I think you might also need to explain to gim that paying your brother rent doesn't mean DP has a claim on the house at any point in the future....
and if you do get hitched at some point then make sure you ringfence your money.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/07/2019 21:41

I think it depends on the arrangement with your brother

You're getting the benefit of living there. What does your brother get?

Have you got a formal agreement with him at all in writing about you living there and what you're allowed to do?

For example if there were 2 bedrooms and he can stay whenever he is in the city. Or you are paying 2/3 and he is paying 1/3 but owns half so you are effectively paying rent.

If he is already benefitting from more than half the share of the house (getting something extra or paying something less) then I think you get more of a say. If you pay 50 50 and own it 50 50 then he should really get 50 50 say in who lives there. As otherwise you will benefit from your partner moving in (saving on bills etc) but he would be losing out (more wear and tear) which wouldn't be fair if it's meant to be 50 50

What's going to happen if you want to buy with your partner in the future?

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:41

DP is saving for his own place so doesn't want to pay rent to anyone

OP posts:
BlackWomanHere · 08/07/2019 21:42

This situation is not difficult at all. YABU because you didn't clarify.

PS. Resentment is real. Be careful of funding this DP of yours while he saves his money...

NCforthis2019 · 08/07/2019 21:42

wtf?! he expects to live for free? Can you really see a future with a man like this?

motherofcats81 · 08/07/2019 21:42

Obviously he didn't expect to pay any rent and that's because of what OP said but the situation has changed and become clearer because DBro has made his position plain, which he has every right to do. 200 is not exactly a lot to have a flat to yourself with your girlfriend and he really should be rolling with the punches somewhat here. It does sound now like he doesn't want to live with you unless it benefits him.

No one likes to contribute to someone else's mortgage (although at such a low rate he's probably not doing much beyond helping with interest?) but what's he planning to do then, live with his parents for how many years until he can buy his own place? Sounds like on his salary that's a long way off so what's the plan for your relationship, either you pay his way or you live apart for x years?

He does sound like a bit of a cocklodger tbh, yes we all get it PPs he didn't expect to but things have changed, he is an adult and things do change in life 🙄.

Not entirely sure why you would have offered to have him living there rent free in the first place, partners do usually make some contribution to a living situation - do you feel you have to offer him this kind of thing for him to be with you in a meaningful way?

LemonTT · 08/07/2019 21:43

Your DP needs to fund his own home and housing. If he can’t afford to buy then he needs to rent.

The flat was bought as an investment. Treat it as such. That applies to both you and your brother. You need to sort this out now before even more arguments and misunderstandings ensue.

On what basis are you living in it? Do you pay rent or the mortgage? What is your stake and your investment.

rwalker · 08/07/2019 21:44

You need to clarify if he wasn't paying rent would he but paying his half of the running cost utilies,c tax ,water and food.

SagAloojah · 08/07/2019 21:44

So he’s happy for other people to pay for his mortgage though? Because that’s what you and bro will be doing by letting him live rent free.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/07/2019 21:45

I’m not keen on the sound of him.

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:45

@AmIRightOrAMeringue

I am going to pay the full mortgage whilst I'm living there. He'll start charging me rent in 2 years.

OP posts:
CaptainJaneway62 · 08/07/2019 21:45

DP is saving for his own place so doesn't want to pay rent to anyone

He needs to stay with his parents and you need to give your head a wobble!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 08/07/2019 21:46

A decent person expects to pay his/her way. Freeloaders don't.

How d you feel about him being happy to freeload off you?

motherofcats81 · 08/07/2019 21:46

Are you paying rent to your brother? Unless yes to one or other, your bro is being very opportunistic and DP has every right to feel that he's taking advantage.

I imagine DBro is a bit happier to help out his sister than her freeloader adult man boyfriend?? And she is of course putting in mortgage cost, as is he (so not profiting off DP) How is it the bro here who is opportunistic?

Drum2018 · 08/07/2019 21:46

Is he 18? Because anyone older than that should be paying rent wherever they bloody well live, be it at home or with a partner. Do not move him in.

VenusClapTrap · 08/07/2019 21:46

He doesn’t sound like a ‘partner’.

sneakypinky · 08/07/2019 21:47

🚩🚩🚩 cocklodger

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 08/07/2019 21:47

You weren't 100% clear, but anyone who expects to live rent free is a cocklodger - it's a huge red flag op.

And actually, why did you offer your bf the chance to live rent free? Brother aside, don't you think he should be contributing?

I think you've dodged a bullet lass.

Xyzzzzz · 08/07/2019 21:49

I’d rethink moving in together. If he wants his own place and he saving let him stay with mummy and daddy while he does that and can learn the hard way of living alone and paying bills.

I do see your DB point it’s an investment forj him.

TowelNumber42 · 08/07/2019 21:51

Ha ha ha. Nope.

Of course he is annoyed. If I were him I also would have interpreted your offer as properly rent-free. I would have refused though and insisted on paying my way.

Leave him at his mum and dads. Do not let him move in with you ever. When he buys then you can move in with him and live rent free. Suggest that, go on, see what he says, which I bet will be along the lines of you would pay minimum of 50% of everything including bog roll.

Original poster
Jetsetterf · 08/07/2019 21:51

Just to make it clear, I would expect DP to pay half of all bills, but not pay me rent.

DBro and I are owning 50/50.

I will be paying the full mortgage whilst I live there, so I'm effectively paying rent to DBro.

OP posts: