AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Imo it has more to do with the quality of the parenting than the sex of the child.

Personally, I’d have told the boys to let my child out and told my child that whilst the other children’s behaviour wasn’t very nice my child hasn’t done anything wrong, and to keep playing.

Except that she was sobbing and terrified. So no, that isn’t how I would ever react.

She learnt plenty today, as I explained above.

Sobbing and terrified that some boys were running up a slide? Maybe she’s not ready for softplay yet.

‘And not being confidant and able to stick up for yourself at 3 isn’t going to lead to life of being a doormat. The replies on this thread! Honestly’

Of course not, but at this age they’re old enough to start being lead and taught that some children are horrible and how to deal with it without needing mummy to fight your battles all the time.

(It’s the last sentence of the OP that brought me to the overprotective precious mum damaging behaviour scenario btw).

First child, OP?

CarryOnUpTheNile

And screaming in her face. And standing on her. And trapping her in the slide.

Can you read?

OP I agree the boys shouldn't be climbing up the slide if someone was waiting to come down.
I strongly disagree that it is just boys who do this. Girls are just as bad. It's the parents that are at fault.

I can read, yes. This incident has certainly ramped up as the thread has progressed, hasn’t it?

@Aquilla don’t be so snarky. It’s not being PFB to not want someone else’s terribly behaved children to scare your own. Frankly it worries me that parents see this as absolutely fine!

Oh blimey, some parents make such a fuss and drama over soft play. When you’ve had a few kids and done the soft play thing for yonks, you get it into perspective. Hitting, biting, spitting, swearing or other proper nastiness is totally unacceptable but I’ve seen rough and tumble from boys and girls. I expect it now.

Jellybeansincognito

Anyway, Jelly, I think you’ve gone far enough with your imaginary “damagingly overprotective” scenario. Have a good afternoon.

Exactky@Schuyler

CarryOnUpTheNile

Not really. If you actually read the first couple of pages again, it’s all there.

carry rtft. The boys had shut her in and were clambering over her. It wasn't just running up the slide.

Now my DD would have been in tears just because someone else was breaking the 'rules' but that's because she isn't NT.

Crying because kids who are older and bigger are climbing over you and you can't get away from them? That's perfectly normal for a 2.5-3 yo.

People really are VERY determined to find fault with the OP aren't they...I wonder why...

These are toddlers we're talking about isn't it? Yes it was naughty behaviour but you need to teach your dd resilience because pre-schoolers aren't going to behave perfectly at all times.

There are also plenty of toddlers in the Outer Hebrides btw. Soft play is hell there too.

I wouldn't have given this kind of behaviour from very young children the headspace you seem to be

twattymctwatterson

It’s the parents I am pissed off with (well, was), not the boys.

YABU. Kids - like any other people - have good days and bad days. Some days my kids are angels out and about and people comment on how charming and polite they are. On those days, people probably think I’ve parented them well. Other days, they might be in bad moods and they can be wilful, defiant, disobedient etc. On those days, people might think I’ve parented them terribly. Kids need space to push boundaries and figure things out for themselves. YABU to judge those kids and their parents on one encounter.

@MustardScreams this is my point. Children can be horrible, we can’t avoid it. It’s important to teach children how to deal with it, I think it’s damaging not to.

It’s shit but necessary.

I had a shy girl, actually.

The situation described by the OP would’ve been shut down in 3 seconds with a ‘watch it, boys! Other people are using the slide, too’...not a dramatic all afternoon hand wringing on MN about how awful little boys are.

YABU to judge those kids and their parents on one encounter.

Of course. I am happy to accept that next time, they might intervene. I hope they do, because if they don’t, I will.

Of course you teach them, but when your child is terrified how on earth is not stepping in going to teach them anything other than mummy isn’t here when I need her? There’s plenty of time to teach resilience, and it doesn’t all need to happen before the age of 4.

The situation described by the OP would’ve been shut down in 3 seconds with a ‘watch it, boys! Other people are using the slide, too’...

It wouldn’t, because - as I have already said - they ignored me the first however many times I spoke to them.

There's nothing wrong with climbing up the slide per se. There is everything wrong with not being aware that another child wants to use the slide and that you might have to share. If your child isn't old enough or clever enough to work this out then you do it for them. Simple.

From the attitude of some people posting on this thread towards the Op. I can perfectly understand why some children are so badly behaved.

Children learn from adults. Pity some of the so called adults posting have yet to learn manners or how to be considerate to other people's feelings.

The Op. voiced an observation. She used the words 'nearly always' meaning not all but the majority. Shame some of you have become so defensive of her observation. I guess it has brought home to you how your own sons behave.

I'm with you op, your daughter is 2.5 and shy. Leaving her to fight her own battles with older children shouting and climbing all over her is not the way to handle the situation.
Your comment about it being mainly boys is what's caused the insane amount of rude derogatory comments. I hope now you've had chance to reflect that you can see this comment was misguided, your limited involvement of children isn't enough to generalise all boys in the same way.
It's down to the parents to watch their children and prevent these kinds of incident happening.
Some People see soft play as some kind of free pass where they can let the kids run riot and they can get a break, this is a totally lazy attitude and most likely where the bad behaviour is at its worst. They are still your responsibility and your responsibility it to teach them certain behaviour is wrong.
Climbing up slides? Apart from the very obvious safety aspect, this is what happens when you allow your little darlings to do whatever they want because you can't be arsed to parent properly and say no, they turn out to be entitled little shits.