AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

My parents taught me resilience and I learned it for myself along the way. Because my mum isn’t there now to step in when some dude interrupts me in a meeting for the umpteenth time. Never too young to learn.

She is too young to learn how to stand up for herself against two bigger, rougher children. She was literally stranded in the slide as they blocked the door and climbed on her. I had to stand up for her. I would do so again. She’s two.

OP you’re not going to listen, clearly. I honestly have no idea why you posted here. You have a view - you’re very confident that view’s correct. Why on earth are you seeking affirmation from others which you patently do not need? Just be confident in your actions and crack on. But perhaps try to be a little less generalising about boys!

I was feeling sympathetic for a while OP. Yes, other people's kids can be rude and annoying. And yes, sometimes boys can be pushy. But do you know what, so can girls. And you need to teach your child to stand up for herself - you speaking to some parents about their kids clambering up a slide is over the top. If they were hitting or being mean, then by all means. But you can just walk over and suggest that they take turns.
I'd also suggest thinking about your 'nearly always boys' comment. A badly behaved child is just that, it's got nothing to do with their gender. My boys know full well that if they are mean / selfish they'll get told off. Stop perpetuating gender stereotypes

I would also agree that it is usually boys, how many times have we all heard 'boys will be boys' with a smile and a head tilt at a soft play? Saying that, the experience in my last post was mainly two girls beating everyone else up.

sensesensibility

And she will be taught. But it wasn’t just that they were climbing up the slide. It was their behaviour as a whole, over a period of time.

I work in an environment that’s about 80% male and, sadly, the adult equivalent of slide climbing and shoving goes on from my male colleagues quite frequently. So, frankly, I’d not survive long if I wasn’t confident enough to speak up for myself.

What a shame that your male colleagues parents never saw fit to teach them not to shove people on slides etc.

Why should parents of girls teach them to be resilient against boys behaviour but parents of boys not teach them to have manners towards girls?

Why should parents of girls teach them to be resilient against boys behaviour but parents of boys not teach them to have manners towards girls?

I would rewrite that, actually.

Why should parents of girls teach them to be resilient against aggressive behaviour but parents of boys not teach them to have manners towards everyone?

Honestly, the only time I've ever heard "boys will be boys" is from older people and parents of girls when their daughter pushes or hurts a little boy. Oh, and on here.

Why should parents of girls teach them to be resilient against aggressive behaviour but parents of boys not teach them to have manners towards everyone?

It’s true, though, isn’t it? There are a few posters on here who seem to think this was my fault for not keeping my DD off a piece of equipment she wanted a turn on (because the boys were playing on it) or her fault for being (currently) a bit too shy to stand up to their rudeness and aggression.

Why should parents of girls teach them to be resilient against aggressive behaviour but parents of boys not teach them to have manners towards everyone?
I teach both of my DC to be resilient against others, how to deal with conflict, I also teach both of them to have manners and respect for others.
DD is much softer than DS, she would be heartbroken when she got pushed over, she did need more encouragements to stand up for herself and ignore others if they are mean. I was an extremely sensitive child, I wish I'd have learnt to deal with my emotions before my 20's. She needed more help, nothing to do with their gender more based on their personality.

Agree with the people who say birth order is a bigger factor than sex. I know lots of placid dc1 who end up with whirlwind dc2 as a sibling.
With one child it's common to helicopter but when you have more than one then parents have to relax a lot more.
Kids usually know the rules but will try to bend the rules to suit them if adults don't watch. Some of these kids may be old enough to start school in September and there's definitely no adults hovering then.
I think that if you end up constantly hovering an older pre-schooler then you run the risk of your child being the type who can't amuse themselves without you there. They may need adult help getting bigger kids to move off the slide but should be abe to try and sort it themselves sometimes. My dc2 (a girl) would have definitely told an older child to move if they didn't want to get hurt

I've heard 'boys will be boys' multiple times at soft plays and at sport clubs. The idea that people don't tolerate different behaviour from groups of boys and groups of girls is frankly laughable.

Of course on one occasion 'boys will be boys' was being aimed at my DD - who was 4m up a tree at the time....but not hurting or disturbing anyone...hence I didn't feel the need to do anything about it.

My dc2 (a girl) would have definitely told an older child to move if they didn't want to get hurt

Which is great, but my child is nowhere near as verbal as that, and she is shy. That’s not her fault. At the moment what I am trying to do by challenging this behaviour on her behalf, is show her that the children doing it are doing something wrong, not her.

. The children were playing and as they are young they were doing what was fun with no thought for others as small children are wont to do.

Yes the parents maybe could have been more engaged but it is hardly the crime of the century. The parents were distracted You complained to them, they apologised. Move on. How upset would you be if something really bad were to happen. You need to dial down the reaction before you damage your health with stress related reactions.

Yes the parents maybe could have been more engaged but it is hardly the crime of the century. The parents were distracted You complained to them, they apologised. Move on. How upset would you be if something really bad were to happen. You need to dial down the reaction before you damage your health with stress related reactions.

😂

As if I’m sitting here having fits of the vapours. I was and am perfectly calm about it.

And I am perfectly aware that most children will do what they are allowed to do, until they are taught otherwise. The point is that these children clearly hadn’t been taught.

You have a problem with the way people raise boys differently to girls? My daughter was a bit like how you describe, same parenting and my son is boystrous and doesn’t really listen to me.

The issue is the parents who aren’t watching their children, not the children’s gender. I honestly don’t really think it’s about parenting either, lots of kids are like this, it’s even worse in soft play environments because it’s overwhelming and exciting and kids tend to just have tunnel vision in those places.

Just because your daughter is well behaved and well mannered it doesn’t mean it’s because of your parenting, it’s just your daughters personality and you’ve struck gold with her. Stop being so judgemental.

Just because your daughter is well behaved and well mannered it doesn’t mean it’s because of your parenting, it’s just your daughters personality and you’ve struck gold with her. Stop being so judgemental.

It wasn’t their personalities that were permitting them to frighten other kids; it was their parents. It doesn’t matter how loud or energetic my next child is, or what sex - if they behaved like this after their first warning, we’d be going straight home.

Also, you say your daughter is 3 and you’re having to tell off other children on her behalf?

Your child is shy, why not give her a bit of independence and let her talk to other children herself? She’ll never learn any social skills if you keep talking for her... so stop judging others when you’re not perfect yourself.

They did apologise, though.
There are kids out there who wouldnt think twice about spitting in your eye and their mothers would go for your throat.

Kids messing about on a slide is hardly akin to a being brought up badly.

Jellybeansincognito

As I explain above, she isn’t very verbal yet. She’s between 2.5-3 - I just didn’t feel the need to be that specific.

And I will absolutely carry on judging people who sit on their phones and watch while their children intimidate other children.

Op, i posted almost exactly the same literally 10 years ago or more. It was always boys in my experience too. They were a nightmare

Fwiw my little girl grew up to be amazingly tough and resilient despite me telling the little sods to stop climbing up the slide, she's also really well mannered

Fibbke

Thank you

The only bad thing is that the badly behaved boys stay badly behaved and attention seeking and are still a PITA in year 8 (13)

And FWIW, when we got home I taught her, “Move, please” and “Get out of the way”, but given that it took me, a 5’5” adult with a very stern expression, three attempts to tell both boys to get out of the bottom of the slide and let my DD through before they realised I meant it, I doubt it’s going to help her that much!

My non-shy 3 year old would have told those boys to stop herself, maybe I am better at parenting than you?