AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Jellybeansincognito – yes.

I have children of both sexes and nearly 14 years experience of parenting - I've had time to encounter a variety of parenting some of which has cause issues for us - I think getting this worked up judgemental and defensive isn't helpful. Though hopefully the OP is just venting on here with frustration.

IME it isn't always boys who cause problems - I suspect the OP will find that out in due course.

francescadrake This is purely out of interest, what are you getting out of this that keeps you posting?

The threads descended a bit, so regardless if you're wrong or right, why continue to argue/ take the negative comments?

NeatFreakMama

Not a lot.

IME it isn't always boys who cause problems - I suspect the OP will find that out in due course.

Did I say always?

You can’t really argue with this. So much stupid. No offence OP but I’ve gone through your posts and to go from your OP to your daughter was bullied by entitled children of the same age, to blaming parents, gender, and then this comment about the future of their behaviour because yes- a child climbing up a slide is the centre of a sexism issue isn’t it.

Also, telling people that they cannot comprehend or read because they don’t agree with you isn’t on either.

And I still remain- look at you all high and mighty about your daughters manners, and how behaved she is compared to other children (or should I say, boys) because you ‘wouldn’t tolerate’ bad behaviour. Yet your parenting is so superior your little well mannered snowflake is hysterical when 2 boys of the same age are climbing up the slide and behaving like normal children (not boys, because girls do it too!).

But oh wait, it’s the parents fault- isn’t it? Apart from the fact someone pulled you up on this and you retracted!
So much contradiction on your half OP and you are so narrow minded and naive it’s incredible.

Instead of complaining about other people’s understanding and perception of the comments you are writing, perhaps articulate yourself enough so you’re not contradicting yourself to try and get less of a backlash.

Conveniently enough every single time someone has made a valid, good point which you’d struggle to counter argue, you either play stupid or insult their intelligence.

This thread is batshit.

It should not be contentious that as a class boys are raised differently to girls as a class. That doesn't mean that every single boy or girl is treated the same or has the same personality, but socialisation matters and does have an impact. By some parents it is a conscious choice, by others it is entirely unconscious, and then you have the rest of (a heavily gendered) society and its impact too. There are studies demonstrating the different ways parents and strangers interact with babies when they are told they're a boy/girl or dressed in blue/pink even if they're of the opposite sex, studies showing parents of boys are more likely to allow boy toddlers to do more 'dangerous' activities (climb higher/play more roughly) than girls who tend to be protected and told to 'be careful' or 'come back down it's too high', and plenty of well-researched books written on the subject. People often don't think they are socialising their children in a gendered way because each tiny thing seems innocuous, but when you put it all together it is clearly not. In an ideal world it wouldn't happen (indeed it shouldn't) and yes we are more conscious of it now, but acting like gendered socialisation doesn't exist is extremely shortsighted and not good for anyone. Sexism won't end if we ignore socialised behaviour.

Op didn't say boys are naturally more boisterous. She didn't say all boys are horrible little shits while all girls are delicate flowers that need protecting. She pointed out that in the soft play she goes to, the children that cause hassle tend to be boys, and that their parents (at least of these two) are seemingly unbothered by the fact they're going up and down the slides, climbing on children and screaming. This could be for a multitude of reasons, including groups of parents with similar styles meeting up (whether generally relaxed or a 'boys will be boys' attitude), a few boisterous boys egging each other on, more boisterous children liking the slide more than other areas, or her noticing more through unconscious bias. We don't know. But telling her she's flat out wrong or lying about that is just bizarre as we weren't there!

FWIW I worked in a soft play area as a teen and through uni and had to clear up blood on more than one occasion because kids were messing around on the slides despite being told by staff repeatedly and there being plenty of signs and announcement saying no climbing. Bust noses, scratches, bad head bumps, bruises, all of it avoidable if the parents had been watching and stopped their children from breaking the rules. More on the slides than anywhere else. It's dangerous to allow kids to mess around on/in slides. There's a reason the rule is there.

I understand why the Op got some backs up, but this has just descended into a pile on with some really fucking nasty comments. Very 'in the spirit of the site'

Yet your parenting is so superior your little well mannered snowflake is hysterical when 2 boys of the same age are climbing up the slide and behaving like normal children (not boys, because girls do it too!).

Again, you are showing your inability to decode basic written English, jelly. And insulting my child to boot. Go hence and do not multiply.

Insulting you, not your child. And trying to show you, that you’re not as high and mighty as you may think and that your judgement over other people’s parenting is flawed because you think behaviour is easy to change.
If it’s so easy, why isn’t your child able to slide down a slide whilst others are on it without you having to intervene because of hysterical crying?

It’s not easy to parent, stop with your arrogance.

If it’s so easy, why isn’t your child able to slide down a slide whilst others are on it without you having to intervene because of hysterical crying?

Because 1) That’s not what happened and 2) She shouldn’t have to. Their parents shouldn’t be letting them block other children in. Basic.

Ah god this child's probably forgotten what her mum looks like 😂

I want to know what the op wins from her bet when she gets this to a 1000 posts

I want to know what the op wins from her bet when she gets this to a 1000 posts

Silence. If you like, you can give me my prize right now.

You missed the point.....

Ye right hun

@WiggleButt they are children age 2, boys or girls they are toddlers. OP wants to move because she can't handle 2 year olds, it doesn't bode well.

I agree OP very early on calling people arseholes and telling them to fuck off is of order.

I also think ignoring your child for THREE WHOLE DAYS whilst you mumsnet every five minutes is beyond shocking.

We all parent differently but I do not believe a parent in the land other than OP would agree that it's good parenting the child is two FFS, go play with her, take her to the park, do a jigsaw and don't put you bizarre need to argue on the Internet above her needs.

*is out of order

We all parent differently but I do not believe a parent in the land other than OP would agree that it's good parenting the child is two FFS, go play with her, take her to the park, do a jigsaw and don't put you bizarre need to argue on the Internet above her needs.

You have no idea what we’re doing. You’re so odd. 😂😂😂

You have no idea what we’re doing. You’re so odd. 😂😂😂

It's plain to what your doing, you're on MN all the time, for three days, during the daytime. Your daughter is 2 she deserves more attention than you give her, it would seem the only attention you do give is at soft play.

I don't think I've ever seen so many posts from any DM with a small child to look after and entertain.

Shameful

@plasterboots fear not imaginary children are usually pretty self sufficient

It's plain to what your doing, you're on MN all the time, for three days, during the daytime. Your daughter is 2 she deserves more attention than you give her, it would seem the only attention you do give is at soft play.

Maybe this is why these mothers who sit and ignore their children at soft play do it. They’ve bought into this ridiculous idea that you have to “engage” with children at all times except when they are asleep.

We’re at the fucking zoo. She’s fine.

PMSL

We’re at the fucking zoo. She’s fine.

You are having a fucking laugh you're at the zoo with your child and you're on mumsnet literally every two minutes.........

It must be a shitzu!!!

How can you possibly be parenting your child at a zoo, mumsnetting as you are, keeping an eye on her, even if you're one of those jeep them strapped in the buggy mothers, you'll be pushing it one handed!

And you have the nerve to criticise other mothers on their phone.....

Absolutely classic!

I have ignored my children quite a lot over the past day to engage with this thread, whilst doing boring mundane household tasks like the washing, hoovering, tidying. Things that I need to do and usually don’t engage with my children whilst doing anyway. But whilst out you’re still engaging in your phone instead of watching your toddler? Christ.
I couldn’t do that with my 2.5 year old.

How can you possibly be parenting your child at a zoo, mumsnetting as you are, keeping an eye on her, even if you're one of those jeep them strapped in the buggy mothers, you'll be pushing it one handed!

One-handed! My god, the inhumanity.

OP has probably posted loads in an attempt to defend herself against some pretty personal comments, while her DD is at nursery, happily engaged in something or having a nap. I think that's uncalled for TBH.

I get where you're coming from OP. You need to have a balance; as with everything - I am really hot on watching my children if they are showing signs of antisocial behaviour - yes even when they were toddlers - and would stop them directly if they climbed up slides (if there were other children playing - not a complete killjoy), or were hogging a piece of playground equipment that other children were obviously hankering to have a go on. I don't think it's just boys; I know some girls who are given few boundaries in matters such as this who are as obnoxious and selfish and it is just down to the parents. You should always start young to teach children social rules. I have a DS and DD and I'm lucky that both are very thoughtful; looking out for the young children in their play areas, and being fair. My SIL does too and she's always been loving but firm, giving her kids short shrift if they are being rude; and kinder and more nurturing cousins my children could not have.

I do also agree though that you don't want your DD to turn into a child who has to telltale to get resolution for every battle she faces in life. Presumably you are simultaneously teaching her to try and speak to children to get a resolution e.g. 'Get off the slide please; I'm coming down'.