AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Good, take your narrow minded views elsewhere.

No, posters from the Outer Hebrides have been quite clear they're not running out the red carpet. . .

I will also be ignoring any further posts that try to imply my child is in any way to blame for the rude and unpleasant behaviour of other children because she is a little shy.

Absolutely no implication from me that your child is to blame for another child's behaviour because she is shy. I apologise if this is what you think I was saying because it wasn't. I also have a shy daughter.

Sometimes I just cannot be arsed to remind her to stand up to the other children. I just pick her up, soothe her and move on. Other times I'm all over it like a rash.

My point is that no parent is on it all the time. But it's more noticeable when the parent ignores the boisterous behaviour than ignores the shy behaviour. And (perhaps correctly) are judged more harshly. Both things need to be taught and modelled over and over again by parents. Like me, you will have skipped this every now and again. And I don't judge you for this.

Gosh, this thread and mainly OP's responses are hard reading.

Having raised 4 of my own children plus adopting 3, as well as fostering 100+ all I can say is give me boys anytime!

OP one day you might have a boy. Your DS may be boisterous or he may be one of many who is "an easy child" who prefers more gentle activities and is happy to sit with you whilst other children get on with what other children do.

I hope you are prepared for your DD's school days... I have had much more problems with bullying from girls than boys..... I won't preach to you but believe me you are in for a rough ride!

Your DD not being able to cope with a few toddlers blocking the slide is nothing compared to what she will have to deal with during her school years.

Come back and let us know how your DD is doing throughout her teenage years.

My point is that no parent is on it all the time. But it's more noticeable when the parent ignores the boisterous behaviour than ignores the shy behaviour. And (perhaps correctly) are judged more harshly. Both things need to be taught and modelled over and over again by parents. Like me, you will have skipped this every now and again. And I don't judge you for this.

And you know this how? I haven’t said anything about how I deal with her shyness. Please don’t make things up.

But even if I did ignore her shyness, it isn’t the same thing. Her being shy isn’t directly harming other children, so nobody else needs so say anything about it.

I hope you are prepared for your DD's school days... I have had much more problems with bullying from girls than boys..... I won't preach to you but believe me you are in for a rough ride!

I am well aware of how teenagers can be. This is nothing to do with this issue. Thanks, though.

People on here have been really quite nasty. I am sure OPs dd will be just fine.

I didn't read into it that she dislikes all boys and those who did are being very chippy. My teen dds are lovely and great company and hopefully hers will be too. My ds is equally lovely. Still doesn't make me blind to the fact 90 percent of aggressive kids at the park or soft play appear to be boys.

Aren't we done here yet?

It is EVERYTHING to do with the issue.

You need to teach her to deal with arseholes, just the same as teaching her to brush her teeth.

It doesn't matter that the arseholes are wrong, she will still have to deal with them - without running to Mummy.

Having raised 4 of my own children plus adopting 3, as well as fostering 100+ all I can say is give me boys anytime!

I'm sorry, I just want to highlight this, and say TwoPupsandaHamster
my hat is well and truly off to you, you're amazing.

squeekywheel

I am literally done defending my child to you. She did nothing wrong and did not “run to Mummy” because she fucking couldn’t because she was trapped. I will not be answering your ignorant posts again.

Yes dear😆

I didn't say that she did do anything wrong. You however have some truly batshit ideas and you're not doing her any favours.

@francescadrake I've seen girls do this in loads of soft play places. There's absolutely no reason to bring sex into it.

QuilliamCakespeare

There is. I am not the only poster (far from it) to point out that this behaviour is far more prevalent among boys. There is something different about the way many people seem to treat similar behaviour, depending on the sex of their child.

This thread is a perfect example of a mumsnet pile on - frothing mouthed posters talking absolute rubbish. And if the pp had really fostered all those kids she'd know full well that not all teenage girls are a nightmare!

I am literally done defending my child to you. She did nothing wrong and did not “run to Mummy” because she fucking couldn’t because she was trapped. I will not be answering your ignorant posts again.

Oh dear!

Of course there is a parallel.

As parents we need to model social interactions so that our children are able to navigate the social world.

Do parents of children being rough in soft play need to demonstrate how to show empathy for shy children? Of course they do. And sometimes their parents don't bother.

Do parents of shy children need to model assertiveness and independence? Of course they do. And sometimes their parents don't bother.

Obviously not you. You do it 100% every time. Even your imaginary children would be parented perfectly.

You even nailed the nuanced and complex interplay between sex, behaviour and societal expectations.

Good for you OP!

baggagereclaim

This thread isn’t about my daughter. So what if she is shy? We will deal with it. She absolutely does NOT need to be relentlessly pushed to assert herself in the face of tough and aggressive behaviour from badly parented children.

I will be ignoring you from now on.

She absolutely does NOT need to be relentlessly pushed to assert herself in the face of tough and aggressive behaviour from badly parented children.

Yes she bloody well does. She absolutely does. It's a basic life skill without which she'll suffer miserably, unfortunately.

You've clearly got an easily manageable child, she's clearly amused herself all day! you're now up to posting every 10 minutes. All day long.

Loads of toddlers wouldn't be able to amuse themselves for that long, you may find as I've said before your lack of interaction and guidance and you're naturally shy child will change and become attention seeking......

I seriously think with your vet aggressive and dogmatic attitude that you'll soon see a change in behaviour.

@francescadrake am I on your ignore list now?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

YABU for this sexist stereotyping

Lumene

Stereotyping is when we assume. I am not assuming. I am observing.

plasterboots

I don’t want to discuss my parenting with you.

With an ocean of confirmation bias in full flow...

And it's still going.
It's day(s) like this that I bloody love Mumsnet 🤣

Op: Aibu?
Everyone else (bar about 2 posters): Yes you are!
Op: No I'm not! (Wah wah wah)
😂🤣😂

@Fibbke This thread is a perfect example of a mumsnet pile on - frothing mouthed posters talking absolute rubbish.

The OP’s pig-headed refusal to listen to any point of view that disagrees with her own has done her no favours, though. Continually arguing, swearing and generally being unpleasant and aggressive tends to get others’ backs up.