AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Can you find some smaller playgrounds your dd can visit?

Honestly. I’d much prefer to have words with the parents. I don’t see why my DD should suffer for their children’s poor behaviour.

I don't mind shrieking and shouting in soft play

Shouting, yes. Shrieking, hell no. It's more of a scream really - rips right through your ear drums.

Anyway, I give up, honestly. You are easily one of the most argumentative posters I have ever come across on MN: and that’s against some pretty stiff competition. I wonder if you are the same IRL or if this is “keyboard warrior” behaviour
This with bells on. 🎊
A hypocrite on top of it.

Can you find some smaller playgrounds your dd can visit?

And in any case, the same things go on in all the local playgrounds. This was one incident, but there have been plenty of others.

God this imaginary child really is a placid little sausage

And in any case, the same things go on in all the local playgrounds. This was one incident, but there have been plenty of others.

You see when you have a angel as a daughter, you'll get these problems! Your child does no wrong she's only two, give it time.

I presume her nature is like her fathers, because with you telling people to fuck off and calling them arseholes etc you are certainly no role model.

You also for the DM of a small child spend far to long on MN, you need to interact far more with your child as whilst you're getting away with her behaving well now, it won't last if you're constantly glued to your phone.

I'm sure you'll come back on this, you are determined to get the last word and determined to not accept anyone saying YABU, because they've not said it in the right way.

*I presume her nature is like her fathers, because with you telling people to fuck off and calling them arseholes etc you are certainly no role model.

You also for the DM of a small child spend far to long on MN, you need to interact far more with your child as whilst you're getting away with her behaving well now, it won't last if you're constantly glued to your phone.*

My parenting is none of your business. Please go and patronise someone else. As it happens, we’re having a rather lovely day.

I'm a SMOG. My daughter is gentle, compliant and caring (although can hold her own against the awful rough boys.) I like to judge the parents of wild rough boys whilst my perfect daughter plays quietly nearby.

Unfortunately I don't have much time to sip my latte and judge those parents as I'm also an inadequate mother of a wild rough boy. So I spend a lot of time that I have earmarked specifically for judging having to crawl into the bowels of soft play to yank him by the ankles out into the cold light of day and take him home in disgrace. (Luckily my daughter just trots alongside me during these episodes.)

Clearly I have lower expectations of my son and treat my children differently. Not sure.

I mean, it could be the interaction of personality, the child's life experiences, social biases and unconscious bias. Who knows. Either way...it's the mother's fault.

Unfortunately I don't have much time to sip my latte and judge those parents as I'm also an inadequate mother of a wild rough boy. So I spend a lot of time that I have earmarked specifically for judging having to crawl into the bowels of soft play to yank him by the ankles out into the cold light of day and take him home in disgrace. (Luckily my daughter just trots alongside me during these episodes.)

But obviously you can see that this isn’t the same as not yanking him out, and just letting him dominate and hog the place? Yes?

Boys, girls, doesn't matter.
It's a non event at a soft play centre. Yes it's a bit irritating but no more than that-it's really not a big deal. Far worse and more serious concerns are likely to pass your parenting path in the future op. Safe the angst for them, in the nicest possible way...

I presume her nature is like her father’s.

But this could be true. But as lots of people were rude kind enough to point out, she’s going to have to become at least a bit more like me.

But this could be true. But as lots of people were rude kind enough to point out, she’s going to have to become at least a bit more like me.

Not too much...I hope!

Do be careful how high a pedestal you put her on OP, it's a long fall down!

You are being a bit unreasonable. It's understandable though, it's hard to see your child in distress. The thing is though you cant protect your child from badly brought up children in the long run.. especially when they start school.. so you kind of have to learn to get a thicker skin and help your child become more confident and assertive.

I get your reaction, I've had some horrible experiences in soft plays... in one a toddler ran up and bit my 6 month old babies face, whilst my baby was in my arms, and would not let go of her... parents no where in sight... and I had to actually physically prize open her jaw and really be quite physically aggressive to get her away from my baby... I had to properly scream at this child to get her to go away... and she wasnt remotely concerned about it.. god knows what her parents mustve been like.... in the end when we were leaving I went and alerted the staff to it because there were still no sign of anyone who looked like a parent figure to her and she was just running amok... cant have been more than 2 at the oldest poor thing. No way she should have been left that unsupervised.

At another soft play a boy of about 7 ran up and put his hands over my 1yo sons mouth and pushed him to the ground completely unprovoked... my son was just stood there playing with a soft block in the baby area. Again no parents to be seen so I had to shout at this boy myself.

I do think some parents just take kids to the soft play then just completely abandon them there and dont care at all. Children under 4 need keeping an eye on by sitting where you can see them most of the time, and children under 3 need actual following about on the equipment imo. (Obv that's a rough estimate all children are different and some might be well behaved enough to be left earlier and some might need close watching till a later age) And children of all ages need regular checking up on every now and again to make sure they arent getting up to bad things or hurting other children.

Krisskrosskiss

Bloody hell. Well, we’ve been very lucky compared to that.

But obviously you can see that this isn’t the same as not yanking him out, and just letting him dominate and hog the place? Yes?

Yes - thank you! Despite being run ragged by my awful boy I am still able to distinguish between these two things.

Your challenge: teaching your child to assert herself.
My challenge: teaching my child to have awareness of others.

Both are important lessons. And both are difficult and complex to teach to young children. One of those lessons is far more socially acceptable to let slide than the other.

Surely you can see this? Yes?

Actually the worst soft play behaviour I ever encountered was when I was nearly 9 months pregnant and chasing DS1 round the toddler zone. He has complex SEN is addition to being a toddler so it was essential that I was in there with him. Someone hurtled straight into my bump at speed and didn't even notice they'd done it....this wasn't a toddler but a grown woman. Presumably she was once a little girl but I doubt she was a placid little specimen! Bloody hell it hurt!

My parenting is none of your business

It is when you make it the business of other people on a thread like this.

@baggagereclaim

Surely you can see this? Yes?

LOL.

Surely you can see this? Yes?

Of course. I have no issue with the parents I see getting up to teach their children how to behave. That is the exact opposite of what my issue is.

It is when you make it the business of other people on a thread like this.

I didn’t.

The phrase smug mothers of girls is there for a reason.

I hope for your next child you get landed with a naturally boisterous boy. You might eat your words.

I have a boisterous boy and a quiet girl by the way.

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you judge.

I hope for your next child you get landed with a naturally boisterous boy. You might eat your words.

Or in my mother's words, 'that'd teach her what life's all about. . .'

I hope for your next child you get landed with a naturally boisterous boy. You might eat your words.

I don’t care how boisterous he is. He won’t be allowed to behave like that, and I won’t use the fact that he is a boy as an excuse not to parent him.

It is when you make it the business of other people on a thread like this.

I didn’t.

Yes you did. Every time you judged the parenting of others and every time you said what you think they should have done.

Yes you did. Every time you judged the parenting of others and every time you said what you think they should have done

My interest in their parenting stops at the point at which it affects my child. I am judging them for letting their children hurt mine, not because of any other issue.