AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

OP: I suspect you expected everyone to agree with your actions during “Slide-gate” and that hasn’t happened, hence you’re continuing to argue the toss.

Not at all. I don’t mind when people disagree with me. I mind when people tell me that didn’t happen, or Oh my god you can’t say that, it’s sexist when it is simple reporting of fact.

boys are more often allowed to be more boisterous as children, whereas girls are forced and shamed into more gentle feminine behaviour whether they like it or not.
I also think its really common for parents of very small children and toddlers to be horrified by older children.

As for slides, most kids do this trying to get up slides the wrong way. If theyre being a pain about it, its fine to say to them, come on guys, Doris wants to go down the slide now, can you let everyone have a turn.
Theyre just playing on the slide. I dont think it sounds like it had descended into lord of the flies either

whereas girls are forced and shamed into more gentle feminine behaviour whether they like it or not.

This I suspect is part of the situation with OPs DD.

boys are more often allowed to be more boisterous as children, whereas girls are forced and shamed into more gentle feminine behaviour whether they like it or not
I don't believe this is forced behaviour. Do you think if a family has a girl that enjoys climbing running, they stop her, force her into a dress, or a boy who likes to play softly is forced to fight? It doesn't happen like that.
For 1000s of years, across the entire animal kingdom, boy and girl offspring are different, yes the lines get blurred some girls are rougher, some boys softer.
Most teachers will admit there is a difference, it is not forced, it is nature.
Men and women are different, why not boys and girls. This is not justifying bad behavior from either sex.

plasterboots

My DD is well-mannered and polite because that is my expectation of any child her age, not because she has been “shamed”.

Well, no more than I would “shame” a boy for being selfish and lacking consideration.

In my experience boys tend to be the ones to dominate slides etc. The parent of the child wanting to use the slide just needs to say, "Excuse me a minute boys. Let X have a go", and, generally, they move.

I've just got back from a shopping trip. We went to a large food hall to eat. There was a small children's play area. Kids running around, barging through gaps between tables, shouting and generally being a nuisance.

The girls high pitched shrieks and screams were the most annoying part of the experience. Parents all sat on their phones, or chatting, allowing their children to create havoc and an unpleasant experience for others.

Unruly children is down to bad parenting, not the sex of the child.

Unruly children is down to bad parenting, not the sex of the child.

I couldn’t agree more. It’s not the boys’ faults. But that doesn’t stop it being the case that there are - consistently in my experience - far more unruly, badly parented boys than girls.

The girls high pitched shrieks and screams

Yes. The badly parented shriekers are nearly always girls

I don't mind shrieking and shouting in soft play. I deffo do in a restaurant!

But I'm a restaurant nazi and always have been. No phones at the table, polite behaviour, anyone kicking off gets taken out and misses a nice time (also sometimes meant DH or i had to miss bits of it), absolutely no running around, its dangerous and say thank you to the waiter.

The parent of the child wanting to use the slide just needs to say, "Excuse me a minute boys. Let X have a go", and, generally, they move.

But this is - when you bottom it out - a licence for lazy arseholes to allow their children to dominate play, and the good parents to need to hover.

But I'm a restaurant nazi and always have been. No phones at the table, polite behaviour, anyone kicking off gets taken out and misses a nice time (also sometimes meant DH or i had to miss bits of it), absolutely no running around, its dangerous and say thank you to the waiter.

Which is exactly what’s appropriate in that setting. I don’t mind shouting either, providing it’s not in my child’s face.

I also think that part of the reason you’ve been getting a hard time, OP is your use of emotive and extreme language over a situation that really doesn’t warrant it. Like “lazy arseholes”, for example: I agree, it IS lazy not to keep your eyes on your kids and make sure they’re playing well and politely etc. But immediately branding them “arseholes” is really harsh! God knows what else is going on in their lives or in that particular day and what kind of parents they are otherwise. I mean, that bad situation may have been a one-off.

I believe one of your posts has already been deleted by MNHQ as you told a PP to “fuck off”. Again, completely unnecessary. You just seem so angry about a less-than-ideal but really not life and death situation.

Piglet89

I’m suggesting people who think this is all perfectly reasonable behaviour because “kids” and because I can always ask them to move, those who do or would actually behave like that on a regular basis, are lazy arseholes. I obviously recognise that these specific parents might just have had a bad day.

And the poster I told to F off thoroughly deserved it.

And the poster I told to
"f off"throughly deserved it.
Why because they didn't fawn and agree with you. Also the irony is,
You're going on about how children conduct themselves.

Awwlookatmybabyspider

No, because that person blamed my child for the fact that other children frightened her with their very inappropriate behaviour.

In the immortal words of Elsa, 'let it go, let it go. . .'

I’m afraid that at no stage have you “obviously recognised that these particular parents might just have had a bad day”. Calling ANYONE an arsehole because of something like this is just so RUDE.

Anyway, I give up, honestly. You are easily one of the most argumentative posters I have ever come across on MN: and that’s against some pretty stiff competition. I wonder if you are the same IRL or if this is “keyboard warrior” behaviour. In any event, your blood pressure must be sky high.

YANBU for being annoyed at people not parenting effectively but YABVVU for suggesting that this is a girl/boy issue. It's not, it's a parenting/boundaries thing. I have boys, they sometimes climb slides; they are almost always told not to (almost because I don't have eyes in the back of my head). They listen (about this issue, not about anything else) and they stop. You need to change your attitude and focus on the poor parenting, not the fact that they are boys!

I’m afraid that at no stage have you “obviously recognised that these particular parents might just have had a bad day”. Calling ANYONE an arsehole because of something like this is just so RUDE.

I just did recognise it.

You need to change your attitude and focus on the poor parenting, not the fact that they are boys!

I really don’t. Both issues are present.

There really is no point in focusing on the poor parenting or the fact they are boys. You can't change this, so let it go.

Can you find some smaller playgrounds your dd can visit? If she is well behaved you should be able to take her anywhere and not have to stick to "child places" anyway.

And when your child climbing the wrong way up the slide gets kicked in the face by another child coming down you're happy with that or will you be blaming the other child?