AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

M3lon

It doesn’t really bother me.

it’s the moment when you ‘have to go in’ to get them

This made me laugh! I have visions of mums and dads decked out in flak jackets and camouflaged helmets, blowing on whistles as they lob grenades, yelling out "I'm going in!"

OP we get it. All parents get it. All parents go through what you're feeling, all parents have at one time or another harboured very strong opinions about other people's children and other parents' attitudes. Even the parents of boys. Even the parents you think are shitty.

I agreed with you to some extent but you've lost me. I was already thinking that self-righteousness seems to be a rather dominant character trait of yours and then you went and announced you've made a bloody risotto too!

Still, at least you'll have no problem teaching your daughter perseverance.

I agreed with you to some extent but you've lost me. I was already thinking that self-righteousness seems to be a rather dominant character trait of yours and then you went and announced you've made a bloody risotto too!

Well. 😂

Op YANBU! I have 2 daughters and a son. All brought up to not behave this way. I am not offended because for your observations in terms of mostly boys. That is your experience. You haven't said all boys..

YANBU for role modelling to your DD how to respond to situations like this and letting her know you have her back and are there to comfort her.

YANBU for your observation that parents park and sit on their phones.

Wow I wish I had time to read all of this thread. It looks fascinating.

Lol at op. Just wait a few years. Or true having multiple kids with you. Ha ha ha, you are in for a treat.

Typical mumsnet pile on!

Fwiw, i have four kids, I've been a mum for 20 years, I've earned my soft play stripes, I have a mix of girls and boys, I've seen it all. It is without doubt mainly boys who are the rough ones, this is almost certainly because of some of the attitudes on this thread that boys will be boys and it's fine for them to act like entitled, aggressive little shits.

I know plenty of lovely boys, but I've also seen some really shit behaviour laughed off by mums and lauded by dads who see it as a mark of how manly they are.

I see your argument, OP because parents sitting on phones drives me insane, but there is also a school of thought that kids need to be able to learn to solve these problems themselves.

I've just started taking my boy to soft play. I hate it, but he seems to enjoy crawling around in a different place.

He gets unbelievably freaked out by other kids screaming and shouting. I don't tolerate this at home, so it's all a little foreign to him. It pisses me off that parents don't tell their kids to stop needlessly screaming because it's irritating, but you know, in life there are assholes that shout, raise their voices for no apparent reason and try and push their way around. He will have to deal with people like this at school and ultimately in the workplace.

Sometimes these places are like a little microcosm of adulthood and kids have to learn to solve issues without parental intervention.

Sometimes these places are like a little microcosm of adulthood and kids have to learn to solve issues without parental intervention.

And she will, but leaving her alone in that situation would have been cruel.

It is a jungle out there in soft play and playgrounds.

I think when they are little you can be a quiet advocate for your little ones.

But always please be respectful as it is a child's space not an adults.

I was once watching my ds who was about 6 at the time, sitting on top of a fort, talking loudly (and he wasn't screaming just talking and laughing) and a man who had lifted his toddler up onto the fort and was squatting nearby with alongside his toddler - told my ds to shut up. I wasn't happy and called out to my ds to come play elsewhere.

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything to the man, but i thought it was unfair as an adult had chosen to enter the children's space and also saying shut up was very rude also if he was being badly affected by the noise he could've just said please could you be quiet. Shut up sounds so rude.

But always please be respectful as it is a child's space not an adults.

Respectful? They’re toddlers. Their parents don’t have the respect to supervise them.

I strongly agree with @milenamay about soft play being a child’s space: that’s why kids love them and it’s hell for most sane adults. Children today really don’t get anywhere near enough unsupervised play because we’re not confident they’ll be safe playing out alone etc anymore. But developmentally they do need time and space to manage their own behaviour. (Toxic Childhood by Sue Palmer is a really good read on this). These kids were all very young so I think they clearly did need parental supervision to keep them safe but parents policing kids in soft play too closely is not good for them IMO.

Hermagsjesty

There is a sign on the wall: please supervise your children when using this equipment. It’s not complicated.

And yes, children do need some unsupervised play, but in an age-appropriate way. Children of 7 or 8 in an adventure playground need to pretty much to be left alone unless something serious happens. Toddlers need to be watched.

Is it a very small area for toddlers?

My local softplay is a massive jungle. It has multi levels and isn’t possible to supervise. Separate area for babies and toddlers, but from 3 or 4 you’re in the main area and it’s every child for themselves . I suppose by that stage though they should be able to come and tell you if another child is behaving badly.

99% of parents are chatting or on phones or laptops, too. Not in the baby area, but in the main area.

I do understand what the Op is saying. Often in school you hear amongst parents that a sensitive child needs to toughen up rather than the behaviour of a naughty/boisterous child improve, maybe because it takes more work to instill manners?

Maybe it's not so much that boys behaviour is so much worse than girls, but rather when they get together it is almost expected that they will act wildly and that allowance should be made for them.
Ive heard on Mn in numerous threads that boys bad behaviour is often excused as 'boys will be boys' so it does suggest that on some level boys bad behaviour is more easily tolerated and ignored by their parents.

It might seem like a minor thing to some but I dont like it when kids climb up the slide.... I don't care if there is anyone else on it or not. In kid world I see it as anti social, though I don't expect many to agree with me on that.

OP to be honest I’m not sure why you posed a question in AIBU if you’re so absolutely certain you’re right and so completely unwilling to take any other thoughts on board.

If you’re this worked up and defensive about one minor incident in soft play, I think you’re in for a few tricky years.

OP to be honest I’m not sure why you posed a question in AIBU if you’re so absolutely certain you’re right and so completely unwilling to take any other thoughts on board

Yes OP, remember in AIBU the OPs often change their mind and thank posters for alerting them to the opposite viewpoint.

Is it a very small area for toddlers?

No. It’s small but for all ages. The parents didn’t need to be told. The children were misbehaving in their eyeline.

Hermagsjesty

I am happy to take things on board if I agree with them. Can’t really help it if I don’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Crikey OP you really won't accept YABU, so why even ask?

I presume you're not at soft play today and the prolific phone use is back.

yes, please move to the outer Hebrides, you can live in solitary out there and leave the rest of us to normality, 'it's always boys' please, you sound awful

I presume you're not at soft play today and the prolific phone use is back.

it's always boys' please

Not what I actually said, is it?

OP: I suspect you expected everyone to agree with your actions during “Slide-gate” and that hasn’t happened, hence you’re continuing to argue the toss.

In my view, that’s a massive waste of time: you’re confident you took the right action in the moment. Cool - stand firm and have the courage of your convictions. But it’s pointless then asking strangers their views on your approach and simply expecting them to agree. That’s not how AIBU works.