AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Does that not tell us that, perhaps, genetically males are wired/ predisposed to seek thrills and are not necessarily little shits. Maybe they just don't see anyone else's point of view or understand why someone else is not like them?

They may well be. Their parents still need to teach them.

YANBU about the parents and about the boys. People are happy to agree on MN that most violence and abuse is carried out by men (because it's a fact), and that this is not inherent but is caused by the way many boys and men are brought up and socialised, and the different expectations of them compared with girls. It starts very very young imo.

I have a well-behaved, pretty gentle boy. But I have taught hundreds of boys and girls. Although there are of course plenty of exceptions, generally the difference in behaviour between boys and girls is huge and glaringly obvious. I'm surprised anyone would try and deny it tbh.

Op I think your getting a hard time here from a lot of mothers who have sons.

I also have sons well 4 of them and I can tell you girls can also be horrible little madams when they want to be.

I have had a few tearful incidents where a girl has been nasty and spiteful and down right mean to one of my sons.
my last child happens to be a girl and she can be a right little madam I can tell you.
but your talking about small children here and they are all learning about sharing and taking things in turn.
The more you've said about the incident the worse your making these little boys sound.

I hate to break it to you Op your little girl will probably one day do something that upsets another child and unfortunately that's children for you.
The mothers apologised you said
What more did you want from them?

I hate to break it to you Op your little girl will probably one day do something that upsets another child and unfortunately that's children for you.
The mothers apologised you said
What more did you want from them?

Parent their children. I don’t want apologies, particularly, although fair enough, they didn’t react badly to what I said. I want them not to have sat there and watched their sons behaving unacceptably to start with.

OP I agree their parents have to teach them- i didn't disagree- and have said I watch my DC like a hawk. My point was that they're not bullies or little shits, just in their own world and mean no harm.

I was trying to see the gender debate from.a different side.

My point was that they're not bullies or little shits, just in their own world and mean no harm.

Their behaviour was not deliberately bullying, but it was bullying behaviour. There is a difference.

How old were these terrible children op

They were 2
Apparently

calmpuppycrazykids

Read the thread?

On a completely different note I also watched 4 ' perfect ' little girls with a smug mother today stare at my son ( adhd/ asd/ epilepsy) as if he was an alien and a bad influence just by being in their space. His crime? To react badly when he dropped an ice cream.

absolutely ridiculous 2
Op I think you need to get a grip I don't think your child has the problem I think its you

I’m not denying she was scared of them, at all. What I’m saying is your reaction (based on the comments on this thread) tells me that it might not have helped her.

There’s nothing positively reassuring about telling off children whilst your child is crying is there?
I know you comforted her afterwards, I’m guessing but that’s what I’m saying.

And I disagree, I think it's just behaviour.

I don't think your child has the problem I think its you

My child definitely doesn’t have a problem. She is a kind, well-mannered, slightly shy little girl.

There’s nothing positively reassuring about telling off children whilst your child is crying is there?

I wasn’t being “positively reassuring”. I was being firm, stepping in where these boys’ parents failed to, to get my daughter to a place of safety so I could reassure her.

I don't accept the argument that they are just preschoolers. I have been teaching mine since the beginning that slides are for going down and that going up them ruins the slippyness.tbey both know (age 2 & 4) that slides are for going down.

Yesterday on holiday in the playground a 4 yr old (approx) slapped my 2 yr old fit across the face. She stood her ground. I sternly told him off. I don't think he spoke English.

And then a boy kicked her and she came running crying . I marched her right back over reminding her of what her t-shirt says (girls can do anything) and asked her which boy. The mum has already clocked what happened and made him apologise. In french but still.
Aside from that my 2 nearly 3yr old DD is more boisterous than my 4yr old son.

This thread makes me feel very grateful I don’t have to deal with batshit softplay dramas anymore

You need to teach your daughter how to positively interact with kids like this. She needs to be taught to deal with these situations. Life is full of people we'd rather not have to interact with. Your responsibility is to teach your daughter how to live without being scared and how to face her difficulties positively.

This is exactly the point I was trying to make (but less articulately- it's been a long day). It's not really possible to insulate your child from all the nasty experiences life throws at them but I think it's our job to try and prepare them. If I'm honest this one doesn't actually sound all that serious in the grand scheme of things if we are talking about a load of 2 year olds...? A lot of 2/3 year olds still don't have much impulse control or empathy in my experience especially when they are playing somewhere and getting overexcited. Sometimes you have to modify expectations and not assume that they are being malicious.

There is nothing wrong with her being a little bit shy she is 2
my 4 year dd is shy but believe me she can hold her own

They are all learning that's the point and unfortunately at soft play all children seem to a get very excited

wildbhoys I feel for you. My DS1 has ASD and a huge long list of compellingly fascinating ‘extras’, and the looks we used to get during meltdowns from perfect parents with their perfect children was both heartbreaking and enraging. As he’s got older it’s become less, much to my relief, because the judging is just vile.

**MauisHouseOnMaui Soft play is hell. Lord of the Flies for the under 10s.

Hahaha brilliant, so true. You always know one of them won’t survive it’s just a case of working out who.

Me too
Glad softplay bollocks is history
Mind you none of mine were placid enough to sit cherubically at my feet whilst I spent hours arguing with randoms either so hey ho
Off to the pub with my eldest now
Now that is my idea of good parenting

They are all learning that's the point

What were these boys learning, other than how to misbehave?

I know some proper little shits. Sadly it's the patents. I don't see some friends any more because their kids are vile and the parents do nothing to stop it. I bought my son up to be considerate of other people and protect younger children.
They will grow up to be chaos and mutants.

Mind you none of mine were placid enough to sit cherubically at my feet whilst I spent hours arguing with randoms either so hey ho

my son would have already run into the car park and be halfway to the next town!