AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

You’re calling young children bullies waaay before it’s actually intentional.

I don’t believe it was intentional. I believe their parents needed to supervise and teach them about what bullying behaviour looks like, and tell them it stops or they go home. That’s parenting. The boys weren’t to blame.

The ’bullying’ comment is just ridiculous. PFB on steroids.

Here's your OP:

All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

I'm sorry that I missed out the fact they were also shouting.

What else did I miss?

I'm sorry that your child got upset as that is hard. But does making a massive fuss about it really help?

I am complaining about their parents. What’s their excuse?

@francescadrake I have no idea what you mean here, could you calm down enough to explain?

M3lon

I bet all the proud mum's of boys on this thread also let them grow their hair out and not a one of them cut it short when they were babies...because they obviously don't treat their boys differently to girls!

I bet they were all in pink/multicolour babygrows too....no blue or dinosaurs for them...it was all sparkles, unicorns and hearts....because NOBODY on this thread would treat a baby differently because of something as trivial as their gender...no siree

@M3lon what exactly does personal preening and colour of clothes have to do with actual parenting behaviours?

MissB83

They trapped her in the slide, pushed her and climbed physically on her.

Look, I don’t mind that you didn’t read the whole thread - it’s long - but maybe until you do, you could refrain from making judgements?

So OP you are absolutely correct that your child should not be allowed to be intimidated by other children who are rude and misusing the equipment.

And for people trying to insinuate it's the op "fault" her child is shy are ridiculous. I was brought up exactly the same as my brother and my nature was very, very shy. My mum couldn't have "taught me" to be more boisterous, it was just who I was

You are not however ok to say all boys are boisterous, but well within your rights to say "in your experience" it is always boys, you are stating a fact about your experiences and it's OK to point that out.

It's a shame some parents have no concept of how to teach their child how to behave and believe soft play areas translate as 'chuck them in, and it's Every man/woman for themselves ". In my experience it is normally the "don't give a damn parents" who spout out about helicopter parenting and are glued to their phones as obviously soft play is the equivalent to their childminder.

I have no idea what you mean here, could you calm down enough to explain?

I think it’s pretty clear what I mean. What excuse do the parents of those boys have for sitting on their backsides while their children hog play equipment and intimidate other kids - even accidentally?

This story is getting more serious with every post, I don't feel that's coincidental.

MissB83

No, you just haven’t read before you commented.

I have a daughter and a son. Dd was a gentle, shy, quiet little thing. Would say her pleases and thank yous, sit colouring in, played with her My Little Ponies and was generally an absolute dream of a child.

Ds would absolutely run up slides, be rough and tumble, very confident with peers and adults and older dcs.

Haven't particularly raised them any differently, ds had a pram and a baby and we only just managed to dodge catching the gay as he wore leggings for 12 months. Dd had bricks and trucks and a firetruck and even blue bedding.

Out of the 2 children I suspect ds will find his childhood a lot happier as he worries a lot less, isn't as nervous or shy and generally takes things by the scruff of their neck.

Encourage your dd to stand at the top of the next slide and tell dcs to shift because she is coming down. Encourage her to be less shy, more social and less of a princess. It's taken me 15 years nearly to get through to dd that life is more fun if you worry a lot less about things that don't matter.

Encourage your dd to stand at the top of the next slide and tell dcs to shift because she is coming down. Encourage her to be less shy, more social and less of a princess.

What do you mean by “less of a princess”? Take off her crown? She doesn’t wear one.

@Frouby your comment is gold.
My son has caught the gay I think, because his favourite colour is pink, obviously.

Op if this is all you have encountered thus far, brace yourself.

I've seen chairs swung round, kicks to faces, stuff thrown by child at a toddler group and mum was happily chatting at the craft table in blissful or wilful ignorance.

It meant every single other mum in there had to be on ultra guard.. Not isolated incidence either.

Mum really lovely lady, into nature, grasses, seeds... Eco stuff and caring for the planet.... And into ignoring the sheer violence her son wreeked on other small children!!

Same with another child, every single week he targeted a child, not same and literally plotted how to attack.

Burpsandrustles

But according to some people here, this is just how it goes and my “princess” child needs to toughen up. She does need to be a bit more assertive, but no way does she need to be putting up with that shit.

It's a bit of both. Look on these as good training experiences, move out the way etc.

But each child comes into their own on these things at different ages. Your child may do this at 4 or 10 or 15 or never.

But brace.. Because mums or nannies buried in a chat or phone with troublesome child are a plenty sadly...

My two year old doesn’t need to learn to tolerate being bullied by naughty children.

Indeed she doesn't. I agree. Read my post and don't put words into it which aren't there.

You need to teach your daughter how to positively interact with kids like this. She needs to be taught to deal with these situations. Life is full of people we'd rather not have to interact with. Your responsibility is to teach your daughter how to live without being scared and how to face her difficulties positively.

Believe me my now 21 year old daughter was a shy frightened 2 year old who didn't like the boisterous boys.

She's now a strong feisty articulate woman who can deal brilliantly with life's challenges

As parents it's our job to help our kids find their way - too much pointing the finger at the other parents does nothing to help our own child's personal growth

@francescadrake to me it was more that it sounds like you don’t really give her a choice, and your reaction to these kids might have made her feel more scared- if your comments and attitude on this thread are anything to go by anyway.

‘give her a chance**

You need to teach your daughter how to positively interact with kids like this. She needs to be taught to deal with these situations. Life is full of people we'd rather not have to interact with. Your responsibility is to teach your daughter how to live without being scared and how to face her difficulties positively.

And I will. In the meantime, before she is able to cope in situations where other children are behaving aggressively, I will help her.

Yanbu, in no way has the OP said she blames the kids, just the parents and quite rightly so. My dd has experienced, the same she will hang back on the slide and wait till the other kids move out of the way. Her brother will just slide down regardless of who he bashes in to. They just have their own personalities. As a parent of a shy dd I am working on increasing her confidence but I think it is something that will come with time.

At this age kids are very insular though so you will have to tell a lot of kids not to climb up the slide for example and that it is someone else's turn. Not all of them will come to that conclusion on their own (under 5). On a different note I find soft play hellish because the kids who's parents are glued to their phones always want to attach themselves to me.

Jellybeansincognito

But you have form for not really reading the comments, Jelly. She wasn’t scared by my behaviour, but theirs.

OP you are indeed getting tough time. I get that your little one was scared, which is crap, and I get that the parents should have noticed that their children were behaving inappropriately ( I use this word as kids are egocentric at this age, I don't believe it's bullying) and intervened. As a mum of 3 boys I hate the climbing up a slide thing too BUT I do think it's about personality not gender: DS1 would never have done it but DS2 and DS3 were always more natural risk takers and always on the hunt for new experiences. I watched and still do with DS 3 like a hawk (he has adhd which makes it × 10 worse) to make sure they're appropriate around others ( exhausting but I need to).

I observed DS2 (almost 13) today in a woodland adventure playground launch himself with his absurdly long legs(!) Up a huge, hillside slide. I told him off but could see that he just relished the challenge as he's into parkour. I don't think it's because I brought him up differently than I would a girl, it's because that's the way he is. He has no malice in him it is just huge amounts of energy and wanting different things to do.

There are far, far more boys into parkour and mountain biking and stunt scooting and bmx ( all the things that he loves) than girls. Does that not tell us that, perhaps, genetically males are wired/ predisposed to seek thrills and are not necessarily little shits. Maybe they just don't see anyone else's point of view or understand why someone else is not like them?

Just trying to understand the whole gender argument here.

I was like this too , nothing was too fast/ scary for me and I craved new experiences- along with my brother - my other brother and 2 sisters weren't and aren't like this. Maybe I've passed it onto all 3 of my boys, who knows?

It was no more my fault than it's your daughter's fault for being shy.

She’s actually lying in her cot now, practising “Move, please” and “Get out of the way!”

Until she can speak up for herself you are well within your rights to step in all the while encouraging her too. The telling a child to toughen up so they don't get harassed by other kids is shitty.