AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

You’re not going to enjoy any child related activities if you walk around with a stick up your backside. Chill. Not every parent does it perfectly. This is normal rough and tumble. I’d speak to a child who was doing something really nasty but honestly, this wasn’t that bad. Even if it was, you’re not going to enjoy activities with your daughter if you get so wound up over such minor things.
I hate soft play, I send the OH. Maybe you should do the same or not go.

good call OP, you can't argue with stupid!

My DD used to clamber up slides but only if no other children about,she was shy and would stand back for others instead of taking a turn going down.
So it's not just boys and climbing up is fun.
I did however take an old towel and DD did to do her last slide down on the towel to clean it.

Where the OP is, it is nearly always boys. Unless you were there, you can't challenge that.

Why shouldn't the OP notice that?

Also, in the scientific literature it turns out that it really is more boys than girls.

So not exactly a massive surprise when people notice this, is it?

Whilst I appreciate that this OP is only talking about "the boys" she sees at the soft play in this particular thread, I think she needs to read up on unconscious bias, and confirmation bias.

OP is saying that in HER experience, the bad behaviour at this particular soft play has usually been from boys, not that all boys in existence are badly-parented feral nightmares.

It’s a bit like understanding that all bachelors are men, not all men are bachelors.

miss what part of the bias she is witnessing actually being born out in multiple research projects are you not getting?

Everyone should read up on unconscious bias - that is exactly what causes people on average to raise boys differently to girls in the first place.

Because I would be extremely surprised if the only poor behaviour she has actually ever seen has been from boys. It would certainly be a very unusual soft play!

It is always boys that do this. I have to be hyper vigilant at the soft play and park where my van is. However there are lots of little boys who play there who are perfectly nicely behaved. It is shit supervision as well.

It is extremely sexist to allow your son to behave like this. It isn't sexist to be annoyed if your child is on the receiving end

I bet all the proud mum's of boys on this thread also let them grow their hair out and not a one of them cut it short when they were babies...because they obviously don't treat their boys differently to girls!

I bet they were all in pink/multicolour babygrows too....no blue or dinosaurs for them...it was all sparkles, unicorns and hearts....because NOBODY on this thread would treat a baby differently because of something as trivial as their gender...no siree....

Miss she never said 'ALL'....she said 'nearly always'.

But do keep arguing against things the op didn't say...its a great way to spend your life!

I have a feeling that your dd is going to be one of those girls who turns up her nose at 'nasty, smelly boys' simply because they're boys.Obviously I don't know her, but judging from your posts I think its inevitable

Or maybe, like my dd, she'll grow up really liking and enjoying the company of boys who are well mannered, thoughtful and kind.

It’s true that bothies are unlikely to have soft play, but you could still find yourself sharing with others, and still have no say in how they parent their children. I’m also unsure about work opportunities locally.

Possibly the point is that it didn't need to be said at all?

I think the post could have been written anyway by just making the main point in it (which as far as I can see was the OP patting herself on the back for being a far superior parent to others who go to the soft play).

Urgh soft play is a nightmare but honestly I think kids need to mostly sort it out amongst themselves unless it's something serious, which the slide thing isn't.

I’m sorry I simply cannot disagree with the sentiment expressed in ops title. Boy or girl other people’s small kids are usually pretty hideous no matter what rose tinted glasses their parents may wear. It’s why dh refuses to camp and rightly so.

What aggression do you see in my posts?

All the more reason for the lazy sods to sit there on their phones, doing nothing. Judging and name calling other parents.
FGS. Why can’t people read? Rude don't you think?
But they DIDN’T. No shouting please.
Read the thread. Being a bit bossy there aren't you.
Lazy idiot parents Judging and name calling other parents again.
Can you read? Just plain rude.

Just a selection of your angry, rude and judgemental posts and yes put them all together, there are more, and it comes across as very aggressive.

Devon

Being annoyed isn’t being aggressive.

I was about to agree with you, but you lost me at: "it's nearly always boys" so now I think YABU

Or maybe, like my dd, she'll grow up really liking and enjoying the company of boys who are well mannered, thoughtful and kind.

God, I hope so.

Some parents do tend to punish bad manners and rule breaking more for girls than boys, which is why you often see boys misbehaving or running riot. However, it’s often girls who are more likely to use crying and mind games as a tactic to get what they want. If your dd cries a lot to get what she wants bear that in mind

M3lon yes I am very proud of my boy and my adult girl.
They're both pretty decent human beings because I taught them to be decent.
I'm sure if I hadn't parented my daughter she'd have been a badly behaved child. Nothing to do with her sex.

However, it’s often girls who are more likely to use crying and mind games as a tactic to get what they want. If your dd cries a lot to get what she wants bear that in mind

Another example of why this thread is frustrating. No, she doesn’t. She was scared.

Kids learn more if they’re not constantly told what to do by hovering adults. The boys need to learn to take turns, your daughter needs to learn to say it’s her turn, get out of the way.

I agree with this to some extent, children are experiential learners and theory is lost on them until they've had a few painful experiences to draw on.

Ds has always climbed slides - I asked him to stop as soon as someone else was trying to come down, and for the most part he did and continues to. But if he hadn't he would have had a lesson in actions and consequences. The ultimate lesson for slide climbers is that if they do it when someone wants to come down, one day they'll meet someone who will just go ahead and come down anyway, knocking them over. Natural justice - do something stupid/ dangerous, it will end in tears.

When my DC want to go down a slide and can't because someone is coming up, I teach them to say "It's my turn, and if you don't move I'm coming down anyway". And they do. The slide climbers accept that's the consequence of climbing the wrong way up slides and won't do it again while others are trying to come down.

I happen to agree with the op that ime too it does tend to be boys doing this rather than girls and social conditioning probably has a lot to do with it. Little boys don't have an innate penchant for climbing slides, and little girls aren't born unable to stand up for themselves. I have a toddler dd too who copies her big brother in everything - slide climbing included. She knows she has to take turns and she knows she has to get off the slide to let others down. At the moment I have to remind her of this social rule and intervene when needed but when she's older, I'll take the same approach I did with ds - if you persist in doing something a bit daft, despite me warning you what will happen, then accept the consequences of not heeding my warning. Lesson learned.

But then there's the parents who literally can't be arsed to parent - and there's a fair few of them around too. In the circumstances described I would have intervened, even if it was to say, loudly "go ahead dd, just warn them you're going to".

Literally wherever I have been to a busy play area with a slide there have been kids climbing up the slide.
Yes, often parents are there and tell them not to.
If parents are distracted, elsewhere then I’ve got no problem asking the kid to move out the way so my dd can come down, but I think it was OTT to talk to the other parents about it afterwards!