AIBU to want to live as far away as possible from other people’s badly brought up children?

[francescadrake]

Today I took my child (nearly 3) to a small, free soft play area on our local shopping centre. There were a few toddlers running round. Fine. My DD wanted to go on the slide, so she got on and waited her turn. All the while, there are two little boys going up and down the slide, climbing up the inside as soon as they finished their turns, shouting in the face of the other children. My DD went down the slide, couldn’t get out at the bottom because they were blocking her and climbing up, and promptly burst into tears. She’s a shy child.

WIBU to tell the boys very firmly to go back down the slide, not climb up, then go and speak to both their mums, who were sat there on phones ignoring their sons’ behaviour?

They did apologise, but why don’t their children know how to use a slide? Why aren’t they stopping them frightening other children and climbing all over everyone rather than using basic turn-taking manners?

Last point: it’s nearly always boys.

AIBU to want to move to the Outer Hebrides so my DD doesn’t have to put up with this?

Clearly my 3 boys are crack dealing feral nightmares
And DD just sits there doing cross stitch
As apparently according to some on this thread boys aren't disciplined and girls are held to higher standards
I think my now adult children would beg to differ

**Wouldn't it be wonderful if parenting skills, responsibility, the art of compromise, sharing, communication skills, and assertiveness, not aggression, were taught in schools instead of some of the rubbish they have to learn to pass exams?

I would love to teach kids this! Maybe I wouldn’t have been shoved aside by one student or violently told to shut up whilst be looked at like scum by another. But I’m too busy trying to teach kids to read and write and form an opinion of their own.
As a teacher I have to say, we are not parents to your children. Basic respect for others is your job and if you think it’s not then you’re disgusting. Teach your kids some human decency... before there are no teachers to even teach them to write their own name.

Ah the perfect parent on her phone whilst around her child
Can I just he you for that?
Taken to heart
PMSL

Soft play is for burning off energy, exploring what their bodies can do in a safe environment and learning social skills.

Couldn’t agree more. So it’s up to parents to ensure their children do actually do these things, not leave them to fight it out like animals, isn’t it?

hobnobsaremyfave

Yes. On my phone, around my child, supervising my child playing with her toys in the safety of my sitting room. Not leaving her to bully and dominate other children, or put herself at risk. You clearly don’t see the difference.

Boys and girls are equally boisterous, aggressive and annoying. Boys more so because that's how then tend to play more. Nothing wrong there

MASSIVE FUCKING EYEROLL

Why the eye roll?

Ye ye can't see the difference at all

2 and 3yos don't have manners or human decency. They have whatever rules have been more or less forcibly drummed into their heads and that they aren't too excited to remember. They are too young for empathy or abstract ideas of social cooperation. So, yes, they need some loose policing from any handy adult, or else they do learn from the consequences if they don't get that, although there may be more bumps and tears that way.

Reading this thread has convinced me that many posters genuinely can't tell the difference between the following statements:

a) Most of the kids causing trouble are boys
b) Most boys cause trouble

Some people also apparently can't tell the difference between a) and
c) All boys cause trouble
d) No girls cause trouble
e) My girl is perfect
f) Your boy is a wife beater in training

For clarification, the OP said a), and has not said any of the other statements at any point.

Another interesting feature of this debate is that no experience of anyone on MN (unless they were actually at the soft play and witnessed the gender balance of offenders on the slide for the period that the OP was there) can possibly deny the validity of the OPs claim that a) was true.

When she was there, the majority of trouble was caused by boys. This means absolutely nothing for the behaviour of all the darling angel boys belonging to all the wonderful posters on this thread.

NOTHING.

None of your posts are aggressive OP but you are coming across as rather "like a dog with a bone" about this. I don't think I have read many threads where the OP has posted so many clarifications, rebuttals and denials throughout.

FWIW I think it's clear from the scenario you describe that the boys were disruptive and being allowed to run riot, and that your dd does not yet have the capacity to deal with such situations on her own therefore you were justified in doing what you did.

You said that they had been messing about on the slides for 10-15 minutes - why didn't you clear them off before you sent your DD down the slide? That is what their PARENTS should have been doing - which is OP's whole point!

Kids learn more if they’re not constantly told what to do by hovering adults. The boys need to learn to take turns, your daughter needs to learn to say it’s her turn, get out of the way. Give them a bit of space to work it out before intervening. It’s pretty normal for both boys and girls to enjoy climbing slides. Next year your DD might be the climber.

I think the OP is struggling to put the thread down due to the sheer volume of posters (wilfully or otherwise) saying she is BU on the basis of things she hasn't said.

OP - YANBU....but people are really really bad at telling the difference between what you actually said and an accusation that their own precious darling boys are awfully behaved. This will never change and will never stop. For the sake of your sanity hide the thread!

Also can I just point out - I wasn't going to but it's bugging me! - that when I mentioned testosterone earlier on in the thread I was on your side of the argument

My DS was pushed off the trampoline by a girl today. I assumed it was because she was a preschooler rather than because she was a girl.

Goodness me OP. I hope your DD's name is down for girls' only nursery and school!

OP - YANBU....but people are really really bad at telling the difference between what you actually said and an accusation that their own precious darling boys are awfully behaved. This will never change and will never stop. For the sake of your sanity hide the thread!

You’re probably right!

As the mother of a son I find it extremely insulting you seem to think that we allow our children to be hooligans based on their sex.

You don’t have an issue with boys near you. You have an issue of shit parents who coincidentally have sons. This is poor parenting, nothing else.

Goodness me OP. I hope your DD's name is down for girls' only nursery and school!

Why?

My DS was pushed off the trampoline by a girl today. I assumed it was because she was a preschooler rather than because she was a girl.

And if this happened every couple of weeks and it was always a girl (in a mixed sex environment) you wouldn’t link the two, and say there must be a reason for it? Because if not, I would say you would be ignoring something very plain.

But anyway, it is a good idea for me to put this down. Too many people are struggling to separate their indignation at the idea that their parenting might be under attack (if your child is sensibly behaved, then it won’t be) from what I am actually saying.

isit case in point there....the OP has said nothing about your children at all so calm the fuck down.

On average research shows over and over and over again, that boys are allowed to behave more aggressively than girls and that this pattern of gendered play will predict their aggression at teenage and onwards.

So its GREAT that you don't let your boys play roughly...because it will help prevent them being aggressive all their lives. Its just a big shame that on average people are not doing as great a job as you.

I had an interesting experience of unsupervised play at a holiday park in France. Mix of nationalities but mostly Dutch and German with some others thrown in. The kids park was a mass of kids climbing up everything the wrong way with very little parental input.

I almost had a heart attack on the first day. Both my DS are autistic and at 4 and 2 were at the younger end of kids on there.

There wasn't any deliberately malicious behaviour - no hitting or anything but plenty of kids not taking turns very well etc.

In the end we let our older DS get on with it. He is a very gentle quiet type who had only started talking a month before we went away. His elbows got sharper! Can't remember if there were more boys or girls pushing in which leads me to believe it was both.

Quite an eye opener for different cultural parenting styles.

I'd imagine, its because you seem to have a dislike or rather problem toward little boys, Frances.
"Its nearly always boys". Your words no one else's.

My daughter always climbed up slides. I don’t think she got the memo that it was only for boys! I’ve never had an issue with it so long as no one was trying to come down.

Ah, this thread just keeps giving 😂

School is going to be a massive eye opener for you op.
You're already that parent.

The sex of the thugs children is irrelevant unless they were bullying her with their genitals.
Children in soft play are fucking hideous whatever their sex.
I have a boy. 8 years old, shy, sensitive and very bright.
It's not boys. Its shitty parenting. I know plenty of shitty parents with badly behaved girls too.

I have a feeling that your dd is going to be one of those girls who turns up her nose at 'nasty, smelly boys' simply because they're boys.
Obviously I don't know her, but judging from your posts I think its inevitable.