Husband watching porn whilst I was stuck in hospital with our newborn

[Babaganoush123]

Hi all, I had a baby last year and due to complications we ended up staying in hospital for about a week. During that time my husband kindly stayed overnight in hospital with us sleeping on a chair and during the day would go home to shower/nap/eat etc. However after looking through some pictures on his tablet many months later he had downloaded some porn on the days I had been stuck in hospital. So whilst I had a really depressing tough time in hospital with my little one, he had been going home and evidently been having a good time. Thinking of the hospital stay before I even discovered the porn has always made me feel low, but now discovering this makes me feel even worse. I understand it's a thing some people look at, but I find it rather insulting that was on his mind whilst we had a tiny little baby to worry about. I'm kinda just posting this here to get it off my chest as I have no one to talk to, and even though I confronted him about it he didn't really say much..... AIBU to feel so angry about it?

OP I think you need to let this go.

In the digital age, the only men on this planet IMO that don't regularly look at porn are monks and the over 80s (and even that is questionable)!

@TheBigBallOf hear hear. Direct experience of our families being destroyed. Completely ignored by these apologists.

I hope you don't mind but I read this out to my husband. He watches porn regularly, I'm not bothered by it and he is upfront about it all. I also had a bad labour, me and DD were in hospital for 9 days before finally going home.

I asked my DH if he thought about sex once while we were both in hospital and he said no, it's the last thing that is on your mind. He agrees that your husband is kind of an ass but then shrugged and said 'We are guys after all and we are thoughtless sometimes'

I personally think you should tell your DH he's an ass for being so thoughtless and move on from it. I wouldn't let it consume you. I wouldn't say that it means he doesn't care about you, just more out of sight, out of mind kinda thing. Guys can be very self-absorbed sometimes.

'We are guys after all and we are thoughtless sometimes'

I don’t need to read this to my husband to know he’d say don’t be ridiculous.

I’m a woman, I watch porn on occasion, with and without my husband. Would I use it in such a situation? Quite possibly, so I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it.

That said, we all have different expectations and boundaries, so if it’s become an issue for you it would be worth examining exactly why, whether it’s indicative of a post partum issue, or a deeper issue with the porn industry.

I didn’t see much sympathy. I saw people told that they had a problem and to sort themselves out.
So, you’re not happy with your chosen partner devoting his sexual energy to watching other women being degraded on a screen? You are the one with the problem! Sort yourself out!
Sorry, guys, but you look to me like a population which has been brainwashed. Sometimes I’m grateful I’m a stubborn bastard.

Sorry, guys, but you look to me like a population which has been brainwashed. Sometimes I’m grateful I’m a stubborn bastard.

Are you sure that there is no element of "brainwashing" in your own thinking?

Without seeing the actual videos he has watched how do you know that they are of "other women being degraded on a screen".

Or is this one of those things were someone decides that it is all inherently degrading, even if its a husband and wife in an amateur video, and irrespective of what they do? Nope, if it is something sexual and it is being filmed, it's degrading. A subjective view.

“Husband and wife” - how respectable that sounds! About as respectable as clap-riddled doggers...

Some women find porn distasteful, at the very least. We don’t have to watch it to know how we feel. We don’t need a counsellor to condition us into submitting and accepting something so inherently revolting.

We don’t want our kids to see it. Not ever. We don’t want them scarred by it. We believe private acts should be private. I believe that.

If I had just given birth and was sick in hospital I wouldn’t want a thoughtless pig at home wanking and leaving beer cans around the place for when I come home. I can see how that marriage will turn out.

Women have a right to say what offends us without being put down for it or told we need therapy.

I am not religious or uptight. I just don’t want sleaze in my house and eventually destroying all good relationships.

I’ve seen enough of porn to know what it’s all about, and the way women are generally portrayed in it. And I have too much else to do to devote energy to defending the largely indefensible. But I understand why you need to. Rejecting orthodoxy is always hard.