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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

588 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 08/07/2019 10:28

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 20/07/2019 08:37

Good for you. Have a brilliant holiday.

Now you know DP and FIL will sacrifice you for MIL then next time there's an issue you'll not have all this agonising. You'll just do your own thing immediately.

It's going to be quite a shock to DP to be the dogsbody on the holiday with no escape route.

How has he reacted? How long until you go?

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 20/07/2019 09:17

I am very curious to know how your DP is going to react to this. He will no longer be able to go out for 14 hours with his dad, leaving the kids and MIL with you (because you know full well that's what would have happened) .

What's going to happen now? Do not let him lay the blame on you to the ILs and his DC if he decides to not go.

serenoa · 20/07/2019 11:12

To be a bit of a stirrer,- do you have your own car, OP, or is it a family car? If a family car, who's going to the airport first?!

AskMeHow · 20/07/2019 11:16

Also very curious about how your dp is going to react. But bloody well done OP. Have a smashing holiday.

Redken24 · 20/07/2019 11:29

Abs jealous! You and the baby will have a good time.

31RueCambon · 20/07/2019 11:33

I can just imagine the FIL not giving a thought you the fact that if he takes his son off all day every day that leaves you with the children.

Blondebakingmumma · 20/07/2019 12:31

Well done OP 👏👏

How did your DH react to your holiday booking?
Has he told his parents. If it were me I’d want to be the one to tell his parents and kids so he couldn’t blame me.

justasking111 · 20/07/2019 12:39

I know it is a bit daunting but am sure you will find others on your mum baby holiday who will give you a break. Over the years I have watched over little ones when the mums flew solo and was happy to. Strangers do bond when abroad I find.

Jux · 20/07/2019 13:01

Congratulations, Spangly. I hope you have a great holiday with baby. It's really mean of me, but I also hope that dp kind of doesn't (he'll say he had a wonderful time anyway though, won't he - so perhaps tell him you can do the same next year....).

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 20/07/2019 13:03

It's cool. I love swimming and bbay is a tiny fish. So we have a baby boat, splash toys, lots of rash vests and hats etc for the water and I'm buying another 2 reusable swim nappies and taking spare disposible ones (which I'm not a fan of using but needs must).
Dp will be fine, he has had his kids alone lots before he met me and is more than capable. Pil management less so, but up to him. I hope they have a nice time, sincerely, for the kids sake.
I have factor fifty for bbay and the travel insurance sorted (yearly). I've reminded dp he needs his own insurance for him and his three.
I have my own car etc etc. But we're getting train to airport as easier than messing about or my family will give us a lift as there around midday flights.
Other than suncream etc I think I'm mostly done

OP posts:
Motoko · 20/07/2019 13:05

What did he say?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 20/07/2019 13:10

Not happy but I told him I wouldn't go if he didn't sort it.
He thought I meant stay at home but I've used annual leave so might as well do something with it

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 20/07/2019 13:11

Oh I also said him and three dsc were welcome to come if he wanted to pay for them to as I didn't mind.
(we don't have joint finances). He didn't/cant afford it. I've paid for myself out of my own savings. So it's fine.

OP posts:
CottonSock · 20/07/2019 13:15

Have a great holiday!

Zebraaa · 20/07/2019 13:17

Well done OP! Hope you have a great time!

Tentomidnight · 20/07/2019 13:22

You’ve played a blinder here OP. He won’t take you for granted in future, that’s for sure!
Anybody fancy placing bets on whether he will pull out of the holiday with his parents? Grin

MotherOfSoupDragons · 20/07/2019 13:23

Make sure you sort any written permission you might need from him to take baby abroad without him.

notapizzaeater · 20/07/2019 13:25

If it ever Halle s again next t8me he might step up and actually sort it.

Have a great time

Whisky2014 · 20/07/2019 13:33

Jeez i kind of think its a bit of a mountain out of a molehill. I don't see why one or 2 of the kids could have just slept in the living room :s

Oh well, have a good holiday.

buttertoasty · 20/07/2019 13:41

OP THATS FAB

EggWrap · 20/07/2019 13:51

Just make sure that you don't let him drag you into the drama of his own creation whilst you and baby are relaxing......grey rock any attempts to get you to do any emotional labour or admin from afar.

LolaSmiles · 20/07/2019 14:21

Whisky2014
Because it was meant to be their family holiday, not a 'surprise!!! We're going to take the 2 best rooms and the rest of you can squash in around us' holiday.

The partner's parents have crashed the holiday and have form for muscling in and getting their own way. The DP has form for buggering off with his dad for hours on end. Her DP has had ample time to sort it, but conveniently hasn't raised it properly or sorted it.

Why should the OP end up spending her holiday making do and inevitably end up doing all the usual domestic stuff but with more stress?

CFs and demanding relatives get their own way because they're so awkward they rely on people giving in for an easier life. Good on the OP for saying no.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 20/07/2019 14:25

Well done! Very impressive!

Whisky2014 · 20/07/2019 14:31

@LolaSmiles yeh and it still could have been but now its definitely not! It was 7 nights, im sure it could have been workable really.
Now op half the family are going to a completely different location :s
Its obvious the grandparents just wanted to spend time with the whole family.

BubblesBubbly · 20/07/2019 14:32

I've read the whole thread and I'm in awe! Well done!

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